I hate myself

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^this^

Force yourself to write about what is good about yourself and good things you have done. I know you'll say there aren't any, but I don't believe you. As mentioned above you are extremely articulate and self aware. You have the desire to better yourself, otherwise you wouldn't worry about the things that are going wrong. You are surviving in an environment that would leave even the most well adjusted NT depressed. And you are reaching out to others. I think you have the ability to better yourself.

I know you've been verbally abused, but you don't have to self abuse. Try to stop yourself from repeating the negative things you have said. Think of it as a game. For every bad thing you think, you have to come up with something positive about yourself. I did this myself when I was younger, and I was surprised how effective it was.

If you write better than you talk, then write. Write your memoir. You still have value unless you just give up. That would be easier, but how sad.

You have this same rant every month or so for years... You know perfectly well you have positive traits yet overlook them every time this thread comes back. All the helpful folks here patting you on the back... but when are you going to get your butt in to see a counselor or something??

C'mon... every human owes it to themselves to do what needs to be done to solve a problem. Get up. Start doing what needs doing. That's the only way progress happens.

It's hard to think of good points when the bad points overweigh the good ones. I'm fed up with my life too, and I hate myself so much that I could weep.

Unfortunately there's not much anyone can do for depression, isolation, anxiety and self-loathing, except either stick us on anti-depressants or plonk us in some club where we are expected to start talking to all these other socially awkward people then out pops a miracle. Some of us are so shy or unconfident that even trying to mix with other shy and unconfident people doesn't always get us anywhere. I can say that because I've been there and done it.

Unfortunately the government cutbacks have affected my special interest so I have lost that now, which is making me feel very depressed and may take some time to get over. This isn't the only problem in my life either. I am fed up with being indecisive and scared all the time, like not wanting to live with people because of their noise, but not wanting to move out and live alone either. And there are more problems what I could list on and on.

I can't. It's impossible. How am I supposed to make friends and get respect from people when I often get ridiculed because of how my face looks and the way I talk.

I look and sound slow/half ret*d. As soon as a person looks at me, it's like I've already lost half the battle because they've made up their mind about what kind of person I am.

To top it off I'm 27 and have less than a 5th grade education, I'm borderline illiterate and can barely do simple fractions.

I can't bathe myself properly. TBH I rarely bathe (it's been about a month) and I've had the same t-shirt and underwear on since. I can't drive and I have no talents whatsoever. I'm boring, annoying, and uninteresting. I'm an ugly, black, poor, and pathetic loser that spend most my days inside playing video games, watching porn and anime.

I lack so many basic life skills that I'll always need someone to take care of me.

I'll never be a normal person that can make friends, date, and marry.

I'll always be a mental heath stooge that will burden other people.

I hate myself so much. I wish whatever health problems I have is terminal so I don't have to keep living anymore.

Thanks for sharing your feelings. It makes you feel better to get it all out there every once in a while.

I used to be like that. At one point in my life, I gave up on everything, I cut myself off from everyone around me, I didn't bathe, I hardly slept (Sometimes staying awake for 30+ hours at a time). I had even put on almost 100 kg of weight (almost 230 lbs).

I knew I had problems, and me having Aspergers really didn't help.

But over the last couple of years, I've been trying to improve myself. I started first with quitting smoking (I smoked for 6 years at least 20 a day) which was hard, but I did it myself and I didn't have any help at all. Then I tried to exercise more, and eat properly, and since then I've lost over 30 kg (just over 65 lbs).

I know it's hard man, it was very hard for me too, but if you take it a day at a time, and try to improve yourself, one day you'll be able to have a great life. Even if you start small with baby steps, eventually you'll get there. I really hope you try man, because I was once in your position and I've done so much just in the last 2 years, I'm finally over my depression, I feel healthy and I look much better than I did before.

To give you an example of how much I've done, here's a picture of what I looked like before, and what I look like now.

(Dated April-August 2012)


I really hope you try, if you really want things to change, it all comes down to you.

I see you are back MR20 playing the same old song. Oh woe is me. Oh woe! I'm the world's biggest loser and nobody can help me... Waaaaaah

Every few months you make the same thread. You have done this for several years now. The threads are totally predictable, like clockwork. You complain you are ugly, uneducated and you stink (but don't wash), you're broke and you spend all your time looking at porn and playing computer games. Those members who are unfamiliar with your self-obsessed wallowing give you helpful advice which you ALWAYS find reasons to reject.

What do you want people to say or do any more? Just agree with you that you are the biggest loser on the planet? Is that all you want? It sure looks like it. Do you just come to the site looking for pity? Poor poor MR20 isn't it terrible for you and none of it is your fault and you can't do anything about it, just wallow in your endless self pity some more instead...

Hey MR20,

I was on an anime site a while back (I think it was bleachget) and everyone in the chatroom was making fun of this black guy who probably had aspergers (he didn't say that he did, but it was kinda obvious from his chat messages).

Was that you?

probably not, I rarely post on anime forums.

Well, I do believe you when you say you're slow, can't socialize, etc... I knew someone who could write well (like you) but was actually really slow. You'll probably never get what you want no matter how hard you try (high paying job, a gf, friends). But I don't believe your life can't improve. If you start taking care of yourself, using the money you get every month to fix up your place (maybe call an exterminator??), doing everything you can to find a job, your life will get better by at least a little bit.

Or is putting in a lot of effort only to get a little in return not worth it for you?

I just think it's impossible. I'm not capable of functioning as a normal member of society. I have plenty of issues other than aspergers that makes it hard for me fit in. Really frustrating.

I'll always be a half-retarded, development delayed, mentally ill, slow, and pathetic loser that's good for nothing.

No one will ever respect someone like me. I am too inferior.

I just want people to agree with me

Howdy. You mention that you think it's impossible to function as a normal member of society. You pretty much have hit rockbottom, haven't you?

You think you'll always be slow and half-retarded. That must be really hard to feel like that. Do you ever see a light at the end of the tunnel? Is there anything that gives you hope or makes you feel happy?

My video games and anime.... sometimes.

I also hold out hope that when I die I'll go to a place filled with happiness where people will finally accept me.