Got the s*** beat out of me today

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This is my little buddy:

I call it my "light saber" (500,000 volts o' fun).

Oooo! I want one of those!

dang dude that sucks. sorry to hear about that, i got some beatdowns in my day too. i even got my butt kicked infront of my sister once, talk about terrible. i had to change schools

The worse part is that i hardly knew him, he was some random a**hole from school.

I have a close friend (only one of two i have revealed my condition to) who came over to my house after La Idiota Muchos Grande went bragging about his "victory" (which would have been his undoing had i a bigger stick) to him. I'm not sure what my friend did when told this, im not exactly sure how he heard it, the point is, he walked across his subdivision into mine and came to my house simply to ask if i was alright. To which i replied (in a rather drunken fashion, since i was still very shaken about the whole situation) "It's all good! It'll take a lot more than that to beat me down!". This is only the third time this year he has come over to my house because he was concerned about my well being. A true friend to the last.

But i'm OK now, still a little pissed, but not homicidal like i was earlier *shudders*

I think it's commendable that you stuck up for yourself. You should be proud (yes, getting your ass kicked does suck though).

At least your friend came over.

Do not carry a knife. Keys may be good, but what if they got stolen?

One thing we all fail at in such situations is to remain calm.

When we panic we forget to analyze the situation.

Using nearby objects as weapons works wonders in such situations. Throw rocks, beat him with a plank, whatevers around use it.

Its better to get a fine/jail for violence than to be severely injured, possibly handicapped for life or even killed.

Always protect your pride, its all you got.

You were right, of course, and as long as you did something about it, you defended yourself. I'm female, I was crossing a street when a car full of guys came roaring around the corner, one guy shoved his fist out the window and yelled <bad word>. I would have liked to have had a heavenly elephant stomp his vast foot on that car, and squish it like a bug. As it was, I did nothing.

Since then, I've tried to think of ways, and people keep telling me the same thing. If they did verbal and you do physical, then you instigated the physical attack and they were doing self-defense, and you'll be arrested! No witnesses.

Should we be non-violent and maybe devious? I read about a woman who fed her ex a shepherd's pie made with dog-food. All her friends barked at him for a week and he didn't now why. Not very useful in this context, is it.

What do guys do for revenge, that's non-violent and devious?

Find where they live, and break a few windows?

Or stun guns...those rock.

I once threw a rock at this car when the people inside it were yelling things to me.

getting punched in the face, and kicked once isn't really getting "the s**t beaten" out of you...

Easy on the trigger finger, fella. There are great variations in how hard people hit. Some people hit so weak it feels like being stroked with a feather while other people hit like they really want to kill you(read: concrete fists).

Well, this story came to mind, it's fitting to use these people against each other. Reacting violently only puts us on the same level as they are; might as well set them up to destroy each other. =D

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a**hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'a**hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a**hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a**hole, too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a**hole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call.


But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea: I called A**hole #1.

"Hello?"

"You're an a**hole!" (but I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me!" he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"A**hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer out front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole."


Then I called a**hole # 2:

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello A**hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a**," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a**hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew. Now, I feel better.

-Gerry Chartier

Now THAT is the epitome of sweet (and freaking hilarious) revenge!

Yeah dude! Thats awesome!! ! Both f*****s really deserved it, and you probably(i hope) earned some money from Channel 13 too.

A toast for you, genius!

But seriously, what happened to all parties involved?