Anorexia Nervosa is ruining my life

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I am so sorry to hear this. It doesn't sound very good.
It may be that you require a different kind of specialist help before your anorexia can be tackled - a psychiatrist or something like that?

I was having a quick scan through this website http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_ ... atment.htm and what caught my eye was this sentence:
"Do you feel ready to stop the disordered eating behaviors?"

So, obviously you don't feel ready otherwise you wouldn't feel like the decision isn't in your hands. This tells me that you need psycho therapy to get to the point where you are able to feel that eating or not eating is something you have the power to decide over, as currently you clearly feel like it is in control of you and not the other way around.

Perhaps you can find a therapist specialising in dealing with this type of illness in your area?

In the meantime, are you able to take liquids? you could drink protein/vit shake which will at least give your body operating nutrients without adding any weight.

Thank you so much for your supportive comment. That was really kind of you to look through that website. I am waiting to receive specialist therapy -- I may have to wait until at least March to see an NHS therapist. Maybe I will look into going private.

Thanks again.

I think it's extremely positive that you recognize the problem and are well-informed about it.

Thank you.

I am so scared about the physical impact this illness is having on me. I already know that my hipbone density is slightly reduced, which is only going to get worse if I continue like this. I'm also so scared that I'm damaging my teeth through lack of calcium. I have a major fear of dairy, for some reason. I avoid dairy more than I avoid fat and sugar, which makes no sense! I keep getting palpitations, so I'm worried there is something wrong with my heart. I'm also worried I won't be able to have children in the future.

But despite all this I still can't seem to stop. I'm addicted to seeing the number go down on the scale and I'm still horrified by the amount of fat on my body. My goal weight was 6 stone and I reached it but now I want to go even lower.

I have upped my food intake a bit, but not enough as I'm still losing weight. But it's a start, I suppose. It really stresses me out though and sometimes I want to eat less again. Sometimes I do eat less.

This is such a horrible illness and I'm shocked by how quickly it spiralled out of control. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Yes. It's addictive. You have to let yourself believe you can get better. I admire how you are trying and with so little professional support!! You are very brave.

Thank you so much.

It seems like you know the subject very well so what do you think a therapist is going to advise when one becomes available for you? What is the standard treatment process like?

I'm going to offer some inexpert speculation. As mentioned, anorexia is a kind of addiction. Not exactly a physical dependency that your body can't cope without, but a psychological addiction. Life is scary when we feel like we have no control . Self-starvation is something over which anybody can assert complete control so it provides some relief amidst uncontrollable external stresses, even though exercising that control becomes very unhealthy. Simply assuming that the solution is to eat more food misses the real source of the problem, the external stresses. My guess is that if an anorexic person finds an alternative means of understanding and coping with those stresses then they will no longer seek comfort in managing their weight. Does that make any sense?

By coincidence there's another current Haven thread posted by somebody who says she is is very overweight and set a goal to lose at least 20 lbs in six months and she says she will share results on WP. Perhaps if you set a goal weight (hint: more than 6 stone!) and posted progress here then you would receive a lot of positive reinforcement.

Makes perfect sense. I don't cope well with feeling out of control and my life feels extremely out of control at the moment. As a result I have developed some very destructive coping mechanisms. But I have no idea how to break these habits and replace them with healthier coping mechanisms. I guess that's what therapy is for. I just wish they'd hurry up with my referral.



Well my weight went up to 6 stone 2 as a result of upping my intake and I freaked out and started restricting again. I don't think gaining weight is a possibility for me right now because even a small amount of weight gain causes me to feel excessively anxious. But I like this idea -- thank you -- I will consider doing it when I'm feeling a bit more mentally stable.

Here's another horrible aspect of this illness -- today, as a result of under-eating for several days, I lost control and ate three slices of cake (one this morning, two tonight in quick succession). Now I want to kill myself. It's pretty terrible when you lose control of the thing that is supposed to be helping you feel in control. I hate, hate, hate this illness.

IT'S OK you ate the cake. It's really OK.

Yep, and it was only 3 slices its not a problem. I hope it was delicious

Could there be perhaps a way for you to shift what you eat when you get these urges? I've never been in your situation so I don't know how it is... I do know that I do force myself to not eat junk food when I crave a snack and instead make myself a quick salad...or I eat a tomato... or some fruit. You can binge on salad all day and its a-ok. Its like a binge diet food really.. you're eating lots, its tasty and it helps you lose bad weight off but keep a nice healthy weight on.

For your services, is there no advocate or lawyer that can give you more options to get them back?

You're so nice! Thank you. I feel a bit better about it now, especially as it didn't make me gain weight. Logically I knew it wouldn't, but this illness often overrules the logic part of my brain!



I wish I could shift what I eat when I get these urges but unfortunately the cravings for "junk food" can be overpowering and also fruit and veg just doesn't fill me up. I've tried filling up with a big salad but then I just eat loads of junk food on top of it! I would love to eat more healthily but my body just craves sugar all the time and I find it hard to ignore. I suppose it just wants the quick-fix energy.



Although I feel panicky about having no support I don't think I want to use the mental health service anymore because I think they have made me worse. I'm actually in the process of making a complaint and will contact my local Mind charity to see if they can help me with this.

Anyway, thank you so much for your response.

Tonight, I saw someone I haven't seen in a while and she noticed that I've lost weight. She told me I should put more on and don't look so good right now. It made me feel awful.

I was anorexic from age 7 to 17 (and then I got pregnant by rape, and it switched to more of a binge/starve cycle for a few years). I still have body image issues, and restrictive eating habits, but I'm doing a lot better these days.

I wish I had some useful advice, but I really don't. (And if it could be cured by following "useful advice", no one would struggle with this problem in the first place!) In my case, one thing that really helped was choosing role models and heroes who were normal-to-overweight, and training myself to see that you don't have to be ridiculously thin in order to be a wonderful, valuable, incredible, beautiful and inspiring person.

Anyway I hope that you can turn this around, and get to a place where you're physically healthy, and feel comfortable being at the low end of what's considered a healthy weight. That's pretty much where I'm at now, and I have to say I'm a much happier person these days!

Take care of yourself – baby steps are probably more feasible than sudden big changes, but if you keep at it, you can gradually get there! *hugs*

I am still borderline with my eating disorder and I'm 41. I'm ok until I go a day or two when I'm not really hungry. (for natural reasons, just not hungry) Then I see myself; Then I weigh myself; Then I get some kind of strange sense of accomplishment and start to restrict my food again. Then my helps me see what's just starting and helps me through it. I truly believe that if it weren't for his support I'd be full blown into my eating disorder right about now. (Sort of a combination of anorexia and bulimia with exercise used to purge).

Support is so important. Please keep posting so we can help watch over you as you struggle with this. (not intended as creepy, just friendly)

By the way. Please drink sports drinks if you can. The arrhythmias you have experienced are very likely due to an electrolyte imbalance. I had a problem with that for a while and gatorade helped a lot.

Feel free to PM me too.

This site is where my sister found help: She is in recovery and has their logo tattooed on her arm.


National Eating Disorder Awareness <<< link

My friend died last year due to problems caused by having anorexia.

That's awful -- I'm sorry you went through that but am glad you are doing a lot better these days.



That is useful advice. I will try it -- thank you.



Thank you.



Thank you for your support and for sharing your experiences. It is good to hear about people who are recovered or are at least managing the condition better.

Last night was one of the worst of my life because I had my first proper binge. I ate over 2000 calories, probably, and felt awful both physically and mentally. I am thinking of seeing my GP on Monday and telling him I need help NOW, not when they can be bothered to sort my referral out. I felt suicidal last night. Today I feel a bit better but am scared to eat in case I lose control again.

Sorry last night was awful. I actually see binging as a sign that your body has had it with the starvation, and wants to survive – so even though you feel terrible about it emotionally, it's kind of a good thing physically. And I've also found that if you can get your diet to a place where you're not starving, and you're including some fun treats every day, the urge to binge goes away.

How do you feel about trying to get to a point where you eat a normal amount, but have a high metabolism and burn it all off, basically like an athlete? Exercise makes you feel better emotionally, and I see it as a happier and healthier alternative to starving!

Good luck with the doctor – I'm proud of you for getting help for this!