HELP!

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I don't know what to do anymore. I found my phone. My parents didn't take it after all. But now my mom insists on holding the door to my bedroom open and I don't know what she means but it sounds like she is intending that until I start paying her, she isn't going to let me move out. Turns out she's been letting me use my SSI as "fun money" and never told me that was wrong until I wanted to move out.

I beg her to leave me alone because nothing I say will satisfy her.
She threatens to take the lock off and holds the door open and when I try to push it closed, she accuses me of being "violent". She drives me to tears and coiling up in the fetal position. Truth is, I am afraid of her. If she ever found out about me writing these journals here, she'd insist I'm lying and turning everything around and that she is afraid of me.

My dad claims that once I get my own place, he's basically going to disown me. I just hope my mom lets me bring Pippin with me before she decides to cut herself out of my life too. Why am I the one being hurt but accused of being the one who is doing all the hurting? All I ever did was tell the truth and I am being punished for it.

My mom took away my laptop yesterday. She gave it back this morning though. She must have read something I said about her online and demanded I tell her the truth and stop lying. I told her I wasn't lying and she said that I must be even more "messed up" if I truly believe that. She accused me of "torturing" her and told me she can't believe that I can claim to be a Christian when I lie so profusely.

I did try to go to the homeless shelter yesterday. But my dad and I couldn't find it and gave up. He said he must be getting old because he used to be so good at finding things but that's going away. I told him that in order to be able to find something, said something must actually exist in the first place. So we gave up, went to UDF and went home. My dad that if my mom tries to stop me from moving into an apartment because my mom doesn't approve of it, he will stop her. He also may stop her from keeping my lizard from me. My mom wears the pants for he most part but my dad will put his foot down when he has too. And this is the same man who claimed that he was going to disown me once I got my own place. I'm also in contact with someone from the county sheriff's office. He wants my address and says he won't send the police out (if the police come and don't take me to a shelter or something my parents will take away my phone and laptop and I will have no way to communicate or get help. Plus, I'm afraid my mom might loose it and hurt my pet.)The man from the county sheriff's office wants me to give him my address but I'm afraid he will send police to the house and they will just talk to my parents and make me stay with with them. My parents would be livid I reported them and talked about them "behind their backs" again and take away my phone and laptop again, claiming I wasn't mature enough to have them. I wish the police would just come and take me to a shelter or something like that.

I have a whole lot to say, and I keep accidentally deleting my posts.

The first, and possibly most important (at least to me, because he came very close to destroying my life), is to tell you to Google a jerk by the name of Eric Conn.

He is a disability lawyer (more like a disability fraudster) who operates, currently, in the KY/WV/OH area. I think you are a little west of ground zero for his trail of devastation, but he almost got me clear up in Clarksburg, WV. I figure since WV and now KY are onto him, he's probably branching out in Ohio.

Look him up, and ask yourself some questions, and see if you think he could be part of the reason that your therapist is unsupportive of your desire to make efforts toward being independent (his mode of operation is to barge into mental health and other clinics and threaten them with lawsuits if they don't steer people toward disability and recommend him as the lawyer to help them get it approved).

I have a whole lot else I'd like to say, and about 20,000 questions that might be offensive, but I gotta take a shower and wash the dishes and pick up mess and do some yard work and take a shower and get dressed and get my kids up and fed and dressed and do it all in time to get out the door by 10:00.

Be patient. This situation didn't pop up over night, and you are not going to deal with it overnight either.

Oh-- The best way to deal with your mom is probably to "play possum."

Don't fight, don't argue, don't try to convince her of anything. If you have the situation straight, she isn't going to listen.

Play possum. Act like you've given up on it. Be the broken and incapable perpetually dependent disabled child it seems like she wants. It doesn't diminish you, at least as long as you don't let yourself believe it.

Quit complaining, or trying to change her mind. Help around the house, either don't talk much or be pleasant. Play possum-- don't give her anything to fight with. It will not give you a way to get out of there, but it will cut down somewhat on the drama and the stress level for you and may help your head and stomach.

It is pretty easy. I mean, it's hard to make yourself do it-- it takes a lot of self-discipline. But self-discipline is a useful skill, so think of it as practicing something you are going to need to survive in the outside world. The actual behaviors you have to do are not difficult-- If you can do algebra, you can play possum. The hard part of it is the part that happens inside your head-- making yourself DO IT, at the same time that you don't allow yourself to come to believe that you ARE the role you are playing.

I did it with my FIL for a year. It sucked, but it minimized the stress level while living with my husband's parents solved a couple of problems and got a job that needed doing done.

It isn't ideal (life is seldom ideal) and it isn't sustainable over the long term, but it will keep the peace and cut down on your stress level while you figure out your next steps.

BTW, antidepressants really help with "playing possum." They took the edge off the anxiety I carried around wondering if it was ever going to end. Flattening of affect also makes it easier to behave as if you are indifferent to the situation. I'm not sure I could have done that job without 20 mg of Prozac every morning. It just made it sooooooo much easier.

Unless your life is in fairly immediate danger, calling the cops and creating drama probably isn't the best "next step" to take.

OP, reading what you wrote, it all seems so enmeshed in your family, everyone is playing a role, and it brings to mind the triangle that is fundamental to understanding the unhealthy family dynamics that Transactional Analysis describes so well. (Look up Claude Steiner/his books and writings on the net if you want to explore this). Everyone in your family is doing something to maintain the status quo, it seems, because nothing is changing.

You have to leave this place. You have to find a way to leave. (And if a thing is not absolutely impossible, then there must be a way to do it - as a wonderful man named Nicholas Winton once said - he rescued children from the Nazis in huge numbers).

I hope you will break out of this unhealthy triangle as soon as possible and begin the journey to a better life.
Finding a healthy advocate (not a lawyer, just someone who knows and understands you) to stand alongside you might be a big step forward, if you know someone like that from the past.

Ultimately, as New Testament says, (John) you must "shake the dust off your feet" and move out and on.

I move into my own apartment next week.

Excellent! I'm so glad you were able to get your own apartment!

If you wouldn't mind, I would like to read how you were able to get your apartment, so I could learn how to advise people who are in a similar situations as yours.

You could also provide a guide for others.

Thank you in advance.

Good for you, that's great news.

Glad to hear it!! !

Next step: Outside support network. Seriously, look up that sack of feces Conn. If you even THINK your therapist might be tied up with him (or someone like him), find another one PRONTO.

Because getting out is only half the battle. You need to STAY OUT. Which is much easiee to do if therenis someone in your corner.

Stay in touch. And forgive the typos. Stupid tablet.