Struggling to accept I will always be alone.

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redrobin62
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22 Jul 2014, 4:03 pm

<--- Also struggling to accept he will always be alone.

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Cafeaulait
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22 Jul 2014, 6:27 pm

I don´t know if I will ever have a boyfriend but it feels f*****g unlikely. I feel I am just to weird for people to grasp. Ranging from the fact that I have a racially ambiguous look to that I like horrormovies yet dress up girly. People tend to think I am so freaking quircky.
I know I am only 22 but I just can´t imagine it. Also I think a lot of people are very bigeoted and egocentric in the Netherlands. I am afraid that I will have to be looking for a needle in a haystack.

kraftiekortie
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22 Jul 2014, 7:10 pm

There are many people, in my experience, who are REALLY REALLY attracted to "racially ambiguous" people.

sly279
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22 Jul 2014, 7:29 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:

I would date you if you were her, though I seem to creep you out. so meh

Cafeaulait
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23 Jul 2014, 5:20 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

There are many people, in my experience, who are REALLY REALLY attracted to "racially ambiguous" people.

Yes there are but I always have to watch out that they are not just fetishists. And I feel like some of the guys that will date biracial girls tend to think they have a certain personality. Like: fiery, extraverted, temperamental, sociable. I am non of those stuff and quite odd and 'nerdy' yet feminine so I just don't fit any stereotype, which leaves many people confused. People tend to avoid people they cannot grasp.

Cafeaulait
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23 Jul 2014, 5:38 am

sly279 wrote:

Cafeaulait wrote:

I would date you if you were her, though I seem to creep you out. so meh

Lol you do? Very few guys creep me out. Only rude or sexist guys generally creep me out. I hate that.

kraftiekortie
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23 Jul 2014, 7:04 am

You certainly have one of the best avatars :wink:

And I love your screen name as well.

When I was younger, I had a crush on an actress named Rae Dawn Chong.

By the way: have you decided whether or not you're going for your master's in psychology?

Cafeaulait
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24 Jul 2014, 8:19 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

You certainly have one of the best avatars :wink:

And I love your screen name as well.

When I was younger, I had a crush on an actress named Rae Dawn Chong.

By the way: have you decided whether or not you're going for your master's in psychology?

Well I am already doing my masters. I have just finished my internship and I only still have to write my thesis and follow one more course called Cognitive Behaviroural Interventions. I am already sure that I want to finish my masters degree, so that I at least have a degree in Clinical Psychology. But then... what will I do then? I don't know.

kraftiekortie
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24 Jul 2014, 8:32 am

Cognitive Behavioural Interventions! Right up the Aspie Alley!

As you probably know, many Spectrumites are the beneficiaries of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

You should ace that! LOL

I wish I could have advised you sooner: getting an MSW (Master's in Social Work) gives you more flexibility. Do they have MSW's in the Netherlands?

My mother went that path. She is a psychoanalyst without a doctorate, but with an MSW.

You're still young. You'd have at least some of the requirements for an MSW already, if there's such a thing in Holland (another name for the Netherlands used in English-speaking places).

the-comander
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24 Jul 2014, 3:41 pm

sly279 wrote:

em_tsuj wrote:

sly279 wrote:

em_tsuj wrote:

Never is a long time. You have no idea what might happen next year or 5 years down the road. Stop scaring yourself with negative fantasies.

I've given myself a 4-9 years of life left.

I've been at this for 2-3 years now with no success. mean while my group of friends went from 10 to 1.

I don't view them as negative. probably 1/4 of the world won't have love, seems better to some how accept reality and try to live what is left of their lives.

last year seemed to go by fast, so what I have left isn't long.

I've been at it for longer than that (half a decade). It will probably be another 5 years before I am capable of handling a long-term relationship. Things change so much as you get older. It is damn near impossible not to find somebody that is attracted to you and who you like spending time with. The odds are in your favor. It is just not going to happen as soon as you want it to happen.

There are certain things you need to do that are not related to sex that will make you prepared:

1) work on your self-esteem. (If you don't love yourself, it is impossible to accept love from other people).

2) build a stable life that you like (Before you do that, you won't have enough energy to put into a long-term relationship. Your energy will necessarily go into making the changes necessary to live a comfortable life).

3). narrow your search to women who would make appropriate partners (As you learn more about yourself, you will be better able to pick a partner who is compatible).

4) figure out a way to meet women like that. Be prepared to move, if necessary.

The whole basic point I am making is that you can achieve this goal if you work on it. Don't give up...and BE PATIENT!

1. I did like myself and mostly still do, its the outside opinions that are making me sad. imagine being a red car and you love being red, but you come out of the factory and all cars are blue. they all tell you you are aweful for being red. but you love being red, but all you hear is it's awful. I feel like sh** cause of it.

2. this will never happen for me and others. not everyone can be part of the shrinking middle class.

3. I have already done that

I know what type of woman I want. I have dealt with a few to realize what characteristics I like. I talked with one for a year and like most of here, but she was super independent and work aholic. so I seek someone who is playful, fun, enjoys outdoors and indoors balanced, who is kind.

4. only way to meet any woman is online dating. which hasn't worked out. as for moving that is impossible besides the economic reasons all my family are here.

I've always been ready for a long term relationship. in that area I seem to have been ahead of others. while those around me just wanted causal dating or sex. I wanted a companion.

I don't beleive money is needed to have a relationship.

I have ADHD and a short life span. patience isn't my strong point. a lot of my ex friends are in relationships or married even those who didn't want relationships.

I think I will find a job that might make a whole extra 100 or less a month. yay :roll:

I don't expect to ever find a woman who is capable of seeing pass income that also matches my interests and political beliefs.

why do you have a short life span exactly?

Cafeaulait
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24 Jul 2014, 4:00 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

I see that we have it in the Netherlands. It takes 2 years. But I don't get what the master is about. What does it teach you? What can you do with it?
When I think of getting an adult job I get really nerveus. It will be so 'serious' and I can do so many things wrong. Adulthood feels so new to me.

kraftiekortie
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24 Jul 2014, 5:49 pm

In the United States, the MSW is a degree where you could get lots of jobs.

1. You could be a social worker, of course

2. You could be a certified psychotherapist (with a CSW and other post-graduate certifications)

3. You could be a guidance counselor

4. I'm sure you could be a transitions counselor for people on the Spectrum.

Master's level courses, and their practicums, teach people how to be a professional, and conduct themselves like a professional.

sly279
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26 Jul 2014, 3:05 pm

have a date in 6 hours, but I don't feel excited or anything. I don't expect it to go anwhere, if anything I amd more worried about if i have to pay for her too or if she'll pay for herself and how to go about that.

Beau
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26 Jul 2014, 3:38 pm

If you don't expect it to go anywhere, then why did you agree to go on a date? Maybe it's your nerves or stress over the financial aspect, but I think you should try to have a positive attitude going into this date. If you take her to a restaurant, it doesn't have to be upscale or anything of that nature. I think you should pick up the tab, but if she offers to split it with you, then there you go. Most of all, try to have fun!

em_tsuj
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26 Jul 2014, 4:26 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:

I am already sure that I want to finish my masters degree, so that I at least have a degree in Clinical Psychology. But then... what will I do then? I don't know.

Move to the U.S. and get a doctoral degree. Perhaps finding a partner will be less of a needle in a haystack. Go to a major city though, probably one on the East Coast or West Coast. Even major cities in the Midwest and the South are diverse and interracial dating is less of a taboo. I'm sure you will be able to find a mate.

Also, you are 22. That is a very good age for attracting a mate. You have many years before you will have to worry about losing your attractiveness.

sly279
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26 Jul 2014, 4:50 pm

Beau wrote:

Cause none of them have gone anywhere so I don't expect any to no matter how good match we may be

We are going min golfing which is fine as I've been wanting to go but not alone its $6 per person another 4 for 2nd game which is fin but $20 of my 60 left from last seasons work but she wants to go to pizza place after and that is $30 per pizza or $10 per person for buffet . I can't really afford that $50 is a lot of money.

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