You are not alone. I have had my fair share of anxiety, ocd, and panic attacks. They became really prominent 2 years ago when I was 19. It started with getting a stain on my desk, to wanting to have everything perfect, to intrusive thoughts. I have had these horrifying thoughts of killing a family member. I have also been having fears of death and something bad happening to a loved one out of my control. These thoughts are very distressing. It is like a living nightmare inside your head. I was diagnosed with having Asperger's at the beginning of this year so that explained my horrific anxiety. What I do to help my anxiety is take medication, exercise, or read.