I never lied to them. They had their bosses lie to me - a lot. They didn't want to work with me any more because they knew I liked them as more than just my paid lackeys, and so their bosses knew if they told me the truth right away, I'd likely become angry (as anyone would). Yet part of a bond between workers and clients is trust. They told me for months and months they would never work with me again. They took another woman called Ruth off my team in 2011 and gave me one shift with her again, only because she was due to have a transfer. But it was only after she left that other people told my mother they were concerned I was getting too attached to her.
I wasn't doing anything to Sara or Joanna. I'm referring more to Sara here as unlike Joanna, Sara still supported me for a while after I sent her an inappropriate yet normal text message, but 'Petal' was all I said. She picked on me during every shift after she revealed she knew I liked her, and she knew that because a man called Robert told her. But I was not doing anything to her at all. She just come during each shift, acted moody and I was left feeling low. The reason I kept quiet about it was because I did not want to lose her as my key worker if I spoke up. But after 2 months, they removed her anyway, and lied about it until I confronted her in an email after I saw her next door in the staff flat. Then for months, I was depressed. Everybody kept saying I would never have Joanna or Sara back. They also stopped doing sleepovers.
You can take their side all you want, but I was lied to and nobody will forget being in jail four times. It doesn't matter if I contacted them first, because in my mind, I was being noble. All I was doing was apologizing. If they had not felt uneasy and betrayed me and made me angry, I would not have "abused" them. They also should have understood that I had previous heartache due to Laura my ex abusing me. Sure, that was not their duty, but it is rather heartless to lie to me after all the lying she did as well. Why become someone like her? That was the last thing I needed at that point.
All I did was give them a taste of how I felt when Sara lied to me and even occasionally embarrassed me in front of other people when I once again thought approaching her nicely would help matters, but she shunned me. They all crowded around her like her bodyguards, and they turned her work e-mail address off too, treating me as if I was a mentalist. One day she was my key worker, the next she was not.
All they did was allow me to say sorry to them in a lounge at Number 6 once, but I liked them too much to let go and I was not prepared to just move on and act like I did not miss them. If they left after supporting me, that is different. People move on. It happens, sadly. But they took them off my team, lied, I got mad and went to jail. Then Nicola and Rona come to jail and they just said, 'Yes, we could have handled things better' because my mother got cross, or in her words, 'Took the wind out of Nicola's sails' on the phone while I was remanded. Why own up to the mistakes when it's far too late to undo the past?
Also, stop ignoring my posts where I cast up all the other BS they put me through. What about Patrick emailing me under a false name? Can you not comprehend how largely inappropriate it is for a care worker to do that?
13 Nov 2015, 1:08 pm
