darkphantomx1 wrote:
Like all of my threads, this may offend some people. But please see the bigger picture.
When I was younger, I was unaware of how I acted made others feel about me nor did I really care that much. My 18, 19, and part of my 20 year old mentality was I just simply didn't give a f**k what others thought. But I was also unaware of how cocky, arrogant, self centered, and autistic I appeared to others. You see, seeing how I make others feel has never been my strong suit. And honestly, I never knew I was coming off to others as autistic. In my mind, I had no clue why I was even autistic at all. I mean, i'm not some uncoordinated anime lover who has no interest in others. I'm a sporty extroverted pop loving and just wanna f**k a pretty girl like any other nt men does. And my line of thought in my mid and late teens was, why am I even associated with autistics? I'm better then these losers. I don't come off as autistic at all, why am I even autistic at all?
But then I found out the cold hard truth.
The truth is I do come off as autistic. Sometimes all it takes is watching yourself interacting with other people from a third person point of view. I found out this June when my mother told me as we were driving to camp. And it changed EVERYTHING. Why do you think every job I have they treat me as less then equal, why I can't get a girlfriend, why they treat me like I can't do anything? Because i'm autistic. AND I HATE IT! I'll never get a girlfriend ever because I can't hide it. And you know why I hate being autistic? Because autism is synonymous with a nerd, a virgin, SSI bound, unsuccessful, less then equal. Out of all of the autistics iv'e known, not one of them. Not one, was good with women and had a pretty gf. All of them are the same to me. And you know what doesn't f*****g help? All of these stupid f*****g statistics saying unemployment rate for autistic is very high. That's some negative s**t right there.
They disrespect me they treat me like s**t, women never give me a chance and now I know the truth. It's because i'm autistic.
And I can't have it, I was born to crave power, respect, and love.
I hope these neurotypical assfucks enjoy themselves getting into relationships, f*****g doggystyle, and f*****g in the shower because thats something I never have.
Phantom out
You don't seem to be aware of the existence of autistic women in this post. Autistic women have many of the same struggles as you and feel very similarly about life and relationships. Perhaps if you tried to relate to autistic women who share some of your struggles you might find some worthwhile wisdom and experience with people and you might end up less bitter about what you think you're missing out on. Basically, there is a wellspring of potential sympathy and understanding among autistic women that you are not recognising the value of.
17 Dec 2015, 4:37 am
You all know what I meant. (I'm tired of having to spell check my spell checker.) 
