I just want to die

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so does that mean if you had to, you could stop by the docs after work?

Sorry about that. It's just that it's getting to be that time of year for several months that my father gets more prone to anger and alcoholism and it's unbearable for us.

Hugs for you. That is quite difficult to cope with

Oh i got mixed up I meant no I can't stop by after work. They close at 5, if finish at 5:30. I can get an early appointment and go to work later, but when you're depressed that's more hassle than my regular routine

I guess one may eventually find that one has to expand one's hassle tolerance in order to get what is needed. it is a PITA to have to leave one's comfortable routine in order to do something uncomfortable but necessary and not indefinitely deferrable.

All things considered.....unless we're living in Australia or another summery place, now is probably a time to watch out for the midwinter blues. It tends to hit around this time, when the holiday season has passed and there is still a long way to go to spring.

Obviously, your troubles are not caused by this; but they can get exacerbated by it. Have you ever tried using a daylight lamp in the morning? I'm not saying it's a solution, but it can be a help to get some more energy to deal with things.

No I haven't tried a lamp. Might be a good idea. I go to work I the dark and drive home in the dark and it gets a bit much. I try and go for a 20min walk in my lunch break to get some vitamin D. It's been sunny during the day most of this week which has been good.

what is called a "full spectrum light" is what is needed. it simulates daylight and has "warm colors" in it.

Yeah, that's good that you're doing it. As for vitamin D, so far into winter you've probably depleted your stores. My doctor says it's not possible to live where I live (similar day length to yours) and get enough vitamin D from sunlight. If you were walking in a bikini, that might help, but something tells me that's not an option

The daylight lamp won't give you vitamin D, but it stimulates some hormone production that regulates waking/sleeping patterns, and can generally give a bit of a mood boost, particularly when your brain tells you you are a bear and should sleep until spring, and your boss tells you you have to work.

I have one of those light boxes and it helped me a lot, so seconding the light box thing here.

I had a nice day today. Went for coffee with friends, but I still feel empty and sad.

^^^isn't it an ironic thing, that one can feel empty when around friends?

I've had the same experience when haggling for an appointment anywhere I go.

I found out today that the reason that guy I liked lost interest in me was because he started seeing someone else.

He can't really have liked me that much otherwise he'd have asked me out, not her.

Anyway, bad decision for him because it didn't work out.

That always seems to happen to me. I meet someone, we seem to get along well, then the guy meets someone else. 9 times out of 10 said guy ends up marrying her.

I feel like I'm totally unattractive and unappealing compare to other women.

don't dwell on "unattractive" and "unappealing." don't ever let those thoughts into your thinking. one of the universal laws is "like begets like" or "that which is dwelt upon amplifies."

When everyone I've liked over the past 15 years hasn't liked me back I think that's a clear indication that I am unappealing.