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BeaArthur
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05 Aug 2017, 12:17 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
Also ... I've learned to add a power smile to my assertive eye contact when I sense people are ignoring me, I'm close to them in public, and they act like they don't care and might bump into me on a sidewalk or in a hallway ... sometimes I also add a bright "Hello" in a tone of voice that lets them know, don't you dare bump into me, I'm no pushover.


Phoenix, I love it! I do the power smile and assertive speech thing too, especially when I want attention in a hurry. If someone tries to jump in front of you in line, I say loudly and confidently, "Excuse me, I was next in line." There is nothing rude about this, it's just sticking up for oneself in a way that is impossible to ignore. I'd say 95% of the time, the offender will apologize and move to the end of the line. That's a pretty good success rate.

As for those of you who are getting ignored and bumped-into on the street, get yourself a walker (I think in the UK these may be called walking frames) and go down the street behind it. Instead of bumping you, people will fall all over themselves offering to open doors, if any, and at the very minimum will cut you a wide swath. What's that? You aren't crippled and don't want to be seen using a walker? Well, la di da. I don't want to either, but have no say in the matter.

I'm a bent-over person in her early 60s and this can and sometimes does result in people not taking me seriously, but the raised voice (confident and assertive), power smile, and HAT (yes, hat, always a stylish hat) get me what I need most of the time.

Sorry about the cold intolerance. I have no advice about it, people simply differ on this. It is in part hormonal, and I am not talking about thyroid. Most women feel warmer both during pregnancy and menopause. For some, this is uncomfortable, and for others, these may be the only times they feel warm enough!


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SaveFerris
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05 Aug 2017, 4:18 pm

Did I have a post removed? I thought I posted a reply to Bea about queue jumpers.


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StampySquiddyFan
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05 Aug 2017, 4:22 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Did I have a post removed? I thought I posted a reply to Bea about queue jumpers.


Are you sure you posted it? I didn't see it, but I could be wrong. I sent a PM to someone once and I thought it went through (it said it did) but it really didn't for some reason. :D


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SaveFerris
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05 Aug 2017, 4:57 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
Did I have a post removed? I thought I posted a reply to Bea about queue jumpers.


Are you sure you posted it? I didn't see it, but I could be wrong. I sent a PM to someone once and I thought it went through (it said it did) but it really didn't for some reason. :D


It was just before I had a snooze so I can't guarantee I posted it. I am also prone to typing a reply , then deleting it as I didn't like it - can guarantee I didn't do that either :roll:


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StampySquiddyFan
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05 Aug 2017, 5:07 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
Did I have a post removed? I thought I posted a reply to Bea about queue jumpers.


Are you sure you posted it? I didn't see it, but I could be wrong. I sent a PM to someone once and I thought it went through (it said it did) but it really didn't for some reason. :D


It was just before I had a snooze so I can't guarantee I posted it. I am also prone to typing a reply , then deleting it as I didn't like it - can guarantee I didn't do that either :roll:


You can ask the mods if it got deleted, but I have been checking this thread and I don't think I saw it. I am prone to doing what you said as well :D .


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Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine


SaveFerris
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05 Aug 2017, 5:26 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:

You can ask the mods if it got deleted, but I have been checking this thread and I don't think I saw it. I am prone to doing what you said as well :D .


Nah it's not worth it , I haven't had a warning so it's all good. I think I just getting over a silent migraine so it could be that.


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StampySquiddyFan
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05 Aug 2017, 7:12 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:

You can ask the mods if it got deleted, but I have been checking this thread and I don't think I saw it. I am prone to doing what you said as well :D .


Nah it's not worth it , I haven't had a warning so it's all good. I think I just getting over a silent migraine so it could be that.


Yeah. How is your migraine now? I hope you feel better :D .


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Booyakasha
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06 Aug 2017, 7:03 am

SaveFerris wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:

You can ask the mods if it got deleted, but I have been checking this thread and I don't think I saw it. I am prone to doing what you said as well :D .


Nah it's not worth it , I haven't had a warning so it's all good. I think I just getting over a silent migraine so it could be that.


I don't think anyone removed anything you wrote here :) Could be also a glitch, as StampySquiddyFan said, it happens sometimes. I'm sorry your post is missing though.

Hope your migraine cleared off by now!



SaveFerris
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06 Aug 2017, 7:58 am

@Booyakasha & Stampy yeah my migraine has cleared of this morning , it's like a fog has lifted.

There was no helpful advice in the post , it was just a my personal experience on queue jumpers so no biggie.


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06 Aug 2017, 8:29 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
Hi phoenix -- those are good tips, but alas, I've tried, worn, acted like and been all kinds of different ways, sometimes as an experiment, sometimes organically, and it doesn't matter -- I still get the same.

Whether I'm dressed comfortably, or dressed for a garden party.

I know there are always plenty of people who will say "the problem is you, not other people" -- but in this case I'm holding firmly with my conclusion that the problem really is not me and really is "other people." Lol. I live in what has now become one of the rudest, most careless places in the world. Seriously other people have lost ALL care what they do around other people or the personal space they give anyone anymore.

I've noticed other people of all kinds of dress code getting bumped and walked into too, but they just don't seem to care, and seem to accept that this is life these days.
My only problem is I don't accept that and I think people are sh***y and rude.

As for eye contact, I don't think anyone makes eye contact most of the time on busy streets. The times I have taken a look at people passing me, they're not even looking at me at all, but looking ahead also. I'm actually doing pretty much what I've seen people generally do here, so I fit right in, in that respect. Nobody makes eye contact. Everyone is in their own worlds on London streets. People also walk very fast -- nobody has the time or the curiosity to look at each other.

The careless walking seems to be arising from people genuinely not even aware or caring that there is another human being there at all. Seriously. Everyone is self absorbed here and they don't even think about other people's space. It's rude.

I'm also 4 ft 11 inches and no matter how much dignity I carry myself with -- nope, pushed around and walked into like I'm just a child. I do think the smaller you are the less any other factors matter to a stranger who isn't taking any time to actually assess you, but just sees a small object in their way.


You're absolutely right, BirdInFlight.

My advice was more for people living in small towns or the suburbs, whereas it looks like you live in a bigger city. So yes, it definitely sounds like you are completely appropriate to your surroundings ... and that it's the other people who are being rude, and this rudeness has invaded our culture. Worldwide, it looks like. I'm also betting many of these people are burying their heads looking into their phones, or wearing headphones? Showing they care more about their own private technological little worlds than about actual human beings in the real world.

Being short ... you make a good point. Once again, height shouldn't matter when people are civilized and decent.

And you know, people are also ruder these days in small towns and the suburbs.

At least each of us who care can do the best we can to avoid toxic situations and put ourselves into healthy situations.



the_phoenix
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06 Aug 2017, 8:39 am

BeaArthur wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
Also ... I've learned to add a power smile to my assertive eye contact when I sense people are ignoring me, I'm close to them in public, and they act like they don't care and might bump into me on a sidewalk or in a hallway ... sometimes I also add a bright "Hello" in a tone of voice that lets them know, don't you dare bump into me, I'm no pushover.


Phoenix, I love it! I do the power smile and assertive speech thing too, especially when I want attention in a hurry. If someone tries to jump in front of you in line, I say loudly and confidently, "Excuse me, I was next in line." There is nothing rude about this, it's just sticking up for oneself in a way that is impossible to ignore. I'd say 95% of the time, the offender will apologize and move to the end of the line. That's a pretty good success rate.

As for those of you who are getting ignored and bumped-into on the street, get yourself a walker (I think in the UK these may be called walking frames) and go down the street behind it. Instead of bumping you, people will fall all over themselves offering to open doors, if any, and at the very minimum will cut you a wide swath. What's that? You aren't crippled and don't want to be seen using a walker? Well, la di da. I don't want to either, but have no say in the matter.

I'm a bent-over person in her early 60s and this can and sometimes does result in people not taking me seriously, but the raised voice (confident and assertive), power smile, and HAT (yes, hat, always a stylish hat) get me what I need most of the time.

Sorry about the cold intolerance. I have no advice about it, people simply differ on this. It is in part hormonal, and I am not talking about thyroid. Most women feel warmer both during pregnancy and menopause. For some, this is uncomfortable, and for others, these may be the only times they feel warm enough!


You make a lot of good points, BeaArthur,

Sticking up for yourself is perfectly good and acceptable behavior. And as you've demonstrated, when you do so, you help make the environment a better place for everyone around you, too. The line-cutter should be at the very back of the line, not taking advantage of you and btw all the other people he wants to jump in front of.

I also like wearing hats and notice I get better treatment and more respect or attention when I do so.
My favorite is an Indiana Jones hat ... we all have different personalities and that one brings out mine.
(It also kinda looks like a Doctor Who hat actually ... anyways, it's floppy and brown.)
Of course, depending on the occasion, an Indiana Jones hat won't be seen as appropriate,
so then it's up to me to judge whether I want to fit in or be a free spirit ...
there are consequences either way.