My older brother continues to outshine me

Post Reply New Topic

My Mom has pretty much decided that once she dies I'm going to go live with either my brother or sister.

Maybe that won't be so bad though. I get the feeling that they would maybe be more supportive of me learning to become independent than she ever would.

I hope you both realise that your mothers are abusive as sh*t and you should run for your lives from them!

You really don't need to say that about my Mom. She may be a control freak but she is not "abusive" and she's probably one of the few people in this world who would be genuinely sad if I died tomorrow. She may not always do what's right for me but she does love me and if not for her I might either be homeless, in prison, or dead because of the things I did before I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

Well, I'm sure my mother genuinely loves me but she has been emotionally abusive and she has seriously harmed me. These things do not exclude each other.
Once I identified the abuse in her ways, I started to be able to deal with it, esp. not allowing her to manipulate me (she has some BPD traits, I feel sorry for her, I know she suffers a lot but it was so destructive to me and my siblings...) and it came out healthy for both of us. Physical distance also helped.

I sometimes wonder if my Mom has BPD. I know she was abused growing up and she was traumatized when her own sister got murdered.

However I would never call her abusive. She's overprotective and controlling I agree but she has never actually abused me.

But I do think the fact that she has never allowed me to grow up has ruined me.

My older brother's verbal and physical abuse certainly ruined me. I still get flashbacks and nightmares about what he did to me.

He used to tell me I was wrong even if I was right about something, harmed me if I tried to protect myself, and made up lies about things he claimed I said that I never did while talking in a gay lisp. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

my mom thought I was "very stupid." my older brother and sister both had families of their own before age 30 and made it to middle-class early on. I could not compete with them, so I hadda go my own way, stumbling from situation to situation until I find meself in a tin can out in the woods in the middle of nowhere. but I am where I belong.

There seems to be a common theme with mothers here.
Mine was always telling me how stupid I was and did nothing when she knew I was being sexually abused.

Yay for mums.

I'm really sorry to hear about that.

Some women are terrible mothers. My Mama wasn't always the best mother to me and there were times that she could be very cruel and hurtful herself. I know that she always did the best she could though given the circumstances. I mean we grew up very poor but she worked two jobs all the time to make sure we had food and a roof over our heads (we even lost our home once after she divorced her second husband and we were basically homeless for awhile).

And I think maybe some mothers like my own Mama get too clingy and hold their children back from growing up because they worry that they will loose their children forever.

Yeah I've got one of those Mothers too. I'm sure that issues in her childhood have affected her mental health badly. I feel sorry for her more than anything.

She's very capricious. Sometimes supportive sometimes she'll cut me down. It's really weird. It's like she has to put me down, she can't help it. It's a psychological need. I think she does it out of fear of losing control in a world where she feels she has little control.

I left home young. I'm quite strong willed. She told me my sibling would be more successful than me. It used to upset me more when I lived with her.

I get on really well with my sibling.

Yeah and to be honest before I got put on medication for my Bipolar Disorder I did some very hurtful things to her myself. I shoved her when we got into an arguement and threw a glass of water in my sister's face, I cussed her out like a dog and told her how much I hated her and wished that she would die, and I even lied and told the doctors at the crisis center that she was abusing me at home.

And yet she still loves me and doesn't hold that against me. She knew I was not acting my normal self and she still continued to look out for me even after I tried to run away from home several times and got into trouble a few times. She helped me out and gave me chances to try and get better when nobody even cared about helping me at all.

I really hate myself for doing all those things to her. I still can't forgive myself for it. So I can never really hate her even if she isn't perfect.

I went to his brewery against my better judgement a moment ago. The food tasted bad and none of the girls were single or were by themselves.

I feel more comfortable going places where I know it's just single outlier people like myself, unfortunately not too many places like that.

Whenever my overtly masculine uncles visit, I tell them to back off, but they tell me off always.

Both are overweight scumbags who eat a lot of junk food, work blue-collar jobs, and expect me to do the same on basis of gender even though I am also overweight, but with the help of my therapist (to be clear, I can't afford a personal trainer), I am keeping to a strict exercise routine along with avoiding junk food as much as I can.

In fact, I do have high hopes my uncles don't show up for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas even though last Christmas they both showed up with their girlfriends and forced me to stay despite me telling them to back off.

"I am still a hurt and lonely child in my heart because of him."

"Because of him"?

Please don't blame it all On your brother

My precious lil "parents" used to tell me "your sister is so smart. Why are you not like that?"

The high school Dean said comparing a child to siblings is the worst thing you can do

"worst"

The worst thing is subject to imagination

"Actions speak louder than words"

The high school Dean was a drama queen