DEAD DEAD DEAD

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Evidence like the ink blot test is such that you have no way of telling the pshrink that he is wrong. It's also pretty hard to present the same evidence to another professional and try to verify it. It's a racket.

Here's the big problem with pshrinks. They look for what is wrong or what seems to be wrong, and they amplify on that. All of the positive feelings and hope comes from the fact that you are doing something about it, and not so much what you are doing.

You have to see good things in your life even if they are fictional. If it has to be fantasy, fantasies are all right.

I have fantasized about all kinds of things, but no longer, now I need to be doing them! I've dreamt my life for so many years; now it's time to live my dreams! But I can't until I get some major stimulation first... I'll probably be on this board all night and by tomorrow I'll have 200 more posts! What exactly do you mean about the ink blot test?

About the ink blot test: It can mean anything that the pshrink wants it to mean.

To get the stimulation that you need, you need to get a job, or a sport, or a hobby, or something along those lines.

He means that silly Rorschach test the psychs give you. You're meant to study the picture, then tell the psych what you think it is. All they are is random ink blots on a card, and from what I know, it doesn't matter what you tell them, the psychs will note down something completely different. Which means they don't prove a thing. At least in Alberta Canada you are covered by a form of Pharmaceutical Benefits scheme; here, you have to be on the pension or welfare to qualify, and the people who need those drugs that are in normal jobs or are trying to live normal lives are having to pay the full price. Still, it seems far better than the American system, where I've heard they drive over the Canadian border just to get cheap drugs. BTW, my partner says it works, and she would rather take it than go through the nightmares that come along sometimes.

I should read everything everyone has ever posted about antidepressants on this board, then form a conclusion and go in and talk to my shrink... I'll read it all tonight or tomorrow... it's really terrible that most people in most states and provinces aren't covered; in Alberta you can apply for a health card the day you arrive and you get it the same day, and if you are on Social Services eye exams and glasses, prescription drugs, everything is 100% covered! I remember in Montreal my mother had some (physical) health problems and had to do without what they prescribed her because she couldn't afford it!


Egads, I'm getting a sensation in my stomach that I have rarely gotten; I only got it a few times in my life after eating ice cream. Maybe it's because of the yoghurt, but yoghurt and milk never did this to me before... maybe 5 times in my life, and I drank tons of milk every day for almost my whole life. Is this a side effect of the Celexa? Owoooo! Oh well, it's way better than being depressed.

I feel asleep for 4 years. I m trapped in so much negativity here (at home i mean), i can barely stand it, i tought that i would harden over the years, but its like the exact opposite, i become more susceptible for these madness, and more asleep while my dreams become more and more dreams than life goals, i constantly sink further away in a bog of desperation while everyone that cross my way push me a little further, i still hope reaching the other side where i finally can start my life. I lose my mind in videogames and music so i don't think at my useless life for a moment, without music i was already dead and decomposed by now, death looks like a sweet cherry of bliss on a cake of sorrow.
If i'm right you live in canada, you at least have still a beautifull nature to go in for a walk, in here everywhere are houses, appartements, streets, trains, cars and factories to produce everything to make people happy, but there is nothing left i can enjoy, the butterflies in the garden are gone, the air full of smoke from airplanes, the smell and noise of that street in front of the house, the railroad behind the garden, no beautiful birds in the trees that sing out their happiness, no real happy people that can miss a smile, nowhere silence, everywhere the roar of malice and madness covered with an artificial thin shiny layer of plastic happiness...
It makes me sad and depressed, did tolkien wrote a real trilogy but are the little hobbits scattered througout the world?

You should write. You seem to have a way with words and express yourself well.
I can identify with a lot of what you say, though I am fortunate in that I have the sea nearby and we have a lot of parks and the New Forest is within a train journey.
Can you not move somewhere else? I am guessing you are not in the USA, Australia or England as you sound foreign language.

I feel really dead right now, and alone.

That's how I was feeling before I've moved into my own place.

I don't feel dead-just angry and bitter
I want to come out but I can't
I can't be myself (no one likes the aspie or bisexual side of me)
THAT ME!!
I am not a robot
without emotion
I'm not what you see

I hope things improve with you soon!

Actually some of the symptoms I've noticed with you sound like ED (Executive Dysfunction), though you do qualify for clinical depression as well.

I have ED, but it is quite a vast area. I have emotional blunting and no clinical depression, but my main problem is in the planning, working memory side. You sound like your emotional side is the most affected.

Though depression has quite a bit of morbidity in it. The way you describe it sound less like the invasive of depression or pure OCD and more like Executive Dysfunction otherwise know as disexecuctive syndrome. In any even it involves the frontal lobe.

So your not alone anymore? Do you have roomates or something? How understanding are they?

I am going to Social Services on Monday to ask them for a room of my own somewhere, and they'll give it to me. I'm pretty sure.


Me and my mother make each other VERY depressed. I need to get away from her and my father, permanently. A lot of you feel better after getting away from your parents, because they know all your past mistakes, embarrassments and downfalls and weaknesses, and make it hard for you to change because they have so little confidence in you and all that, and that makes you so depressed. I am so excited about getting out! I feel very low right now... took two Celexa tablets (40 mg) at once right now, so I hope I'll be feeling a little better soon in the meantime! I need to feel better to function, and I can't function with my mother checking in on me, arriving unannounced on my doorstep, all that. I NEED the time alone or with people like you for my mental health. Many people, my shrink and two diagnosed depressive acquaintances included, have agreed with that.


Now I'm going to check the thread about who wants to live with me and username88!

I think I might know how you feel. I dropped out of high school when I became so chronically bored with my life that I couldn’t find it in me to do homework. At first I wasn’t sure that it was depression because I didn’t feel sad or cry at first. I just felt horribly unmotivated, uninterested, and dead as you described. I went form earning A’s and B’s to doing nothing. I lived at home with my parents and did nothing for three or four years, saw a million shrinks, tried a bunch of different anti-depressants. I felt totally worthless and after a while my parents started to give up on being supportive. My parents would tell me I was a lazy bum and that’s what I felt I was.

Nothing got me out of it until I started doing things for myself again, like taking classes part time at the community college, getting a GED, taking part in structured social activities, community service, part time jobs, etc. Even though these things weren’t the most exciting or gratifying activities and were, in all honesty, most below my ability, it was still better for me than being by myself or with my parents 24/7. I found just getting out, even if it was to do boring menial jobs, made me feel better. I find that it is easier to look forward to positive things when I have structure in my life. Relaxing, going on the computer, reading a book, or playing a video game are so much more rewarding after a busy day that if I just sat around all day.

I think something that helps with depression in people with AS disorders is structure and routine. Maybe planning things and having certain activities you do every day, once a week, etc will help. Probably meeting with people outside your family in real life (i.e. not just on the computer) regularly will be good for you. Maybe you could take a class in a topic you are interested in at a community college. I’m talking just for fun, no pressure. Just ideas.

That just isn't enough for me! Yeah, it's good to do that... better than staying inside and doing nothing... but I find talking to you people and planning a life with a group of you in an apartment to be the best antidepressant activity I have done in a loooooooooong time. And the best thing that happened to me in my life as far as other people are concerned. It will be such an adventure! Doesn't anyone else wanna do it? Besides me and username88? How about you, Marshall?