What should you do when...

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Love is supposed to be *un*-conditional. This reminds me of when my first girlfriend told me she would date me if I drove my parents' car without a driver's license (I was 17 when that happened).

Geez, your ex girlfriend sure was negative. After all you mentioned about her, she sounds a bit princess like to have been a girl friend at all.

I don't feel that a relationship with this woman should hinge on where she gets a job. If a relationship occurs, it would only be long-distance for about two years, then I could move to wherever she is then.

Of course, we all want our partners to live locally, but since Aspies are scattered about the country, and very rare, we can't afford to limit ourselves to a 50-mile radius.

I think I killed another thread -.-* Oh deer. . . I have talent for doing that.

Most people on here kill at least one thread, so it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyone remember this thread?

Help! NT coworker in (unrequited) love with me



I'm the 'NT coworker' she is describing in it.

I discovered this sometime after I had become a member here.

Anyway... we're actually still friends and through our discussions around that time I learned enough to back off and give her the space she needs. I still feel the same way about her that I did back then... and over the last 5 years.

Tim... I don't know if our situations are even remotely similar other than the fact that we each have an interest in a woman who doesn't seem to share our same level/kind of interest.

Because of the way I am, I tend to blurt out stuff too soon in a relationship. I get to feeling all awkward and get nervous, then when I realize I have made a mistake I panic and try to fix everything.

I wish I could tell you that my 'vast experience with women' has provided me with the knowledge to answer your questions.
I cannot.
All I can say is to follow your heart but be respectful to her as best you can.
Be mindful that you may be feeling far stronger things than she is right now.
Take your time and choose your words carefully.

In my situation, it's been hard realizing what I already knew when I went to talk with LKL... that she wasn't going to be interested in me the same way I was in her.
You all pretty much know everything about me that she knows, although she has had first-hand experience with me.
She's also 16 yrs my junior which has always made me feel a bit uncomfortable because I figure she'd see me as some old guy just looking for a younger woman. But I'm not.

Anyway this isn't about me.

The one thing for sure Tim is that you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that for whatever reason, you two may not be together in the future.
If that does come to pass, you need to stay focused on yourself and do the right things for yourself.
You can't let it drag you down.
You already recognize that you could wind up depressed so that is a good first step.

I hope that no matter what happens, you continue to keep up the morale.
You've got a long life ahead of you... heck.. I'm 47 and still open to the remote possibility that I may find someone in my life someday... that is after I get my head screwed on straight!

I don't know what, if any, other issues you carry in your life besides AS, but you seem to be quite intelligent and adventurous.
You seem determined to move on with your life's plans and that is a strength!
Use it no matter how this relationship turns out.

And also...

be careful about love advice you see on the internet... you should read the wide range of things people here wrote about me in that thread above even before they knew me!

I wish you well brother!

But there aren't any other Aspie women who have the same interests and beliefs, who are also single.

That you've met yet.

She last e-mailed me last Wednesday (the 9th), and I sent her two e-mails since then, and she never replied to them. She did tell me she was going to be busy this semester, so I figured that that is why it's talking her a while to answer the e-mails I sent her. But between the 9th and today, she was on her MySpace nearly every day. If she's too busy to check her e-mails, then wouldn't she be too busy to check her MySpace? Before last week, she mentioned that she just wanted friends and that "the right relationship would happen at the right time". She deleted the latter part, leaving the "only wanting friends" part. But her status still says "single", and not "in a relationship".

I am worried about what this could mean.

Well, sometimes I have trouble reading posts on the internet... it's like I keep missing some words here and there and the posts never make any sense... so if I'm misinterpreting your posts let me know... from what you've written, it looks to me like she is not interested in anything but being friends and the noncommunication may be her way of trying to let you know, although if that's what it is... it's a really bad way to do things in my opinion.

She should at least reply to your emails to give you a definitive answer as to your relationship with her.

I could very well be wrong Tim... I wish I knew more but I'm not going to know as much as you can know about all this.
If you communicate to her your feelings and she does not answer but is online elsewhere, I really get the sense that she is avoiding the situation for some reason.

It could be so she has time to think about things, give you time to cool your heels, or just flat-out ignoring your emails hoping you'll quit sending them.

If it weren't for the myspace thing, I'd say she might just be forgetting to reply or is taking her time in composing a reply.

Anyway, I hope you don't let all this play around in your mind too much. You know, I'm sure, that you can go on imagining all sorts of scenarios that will most likely depress you. Keep control of your imagination until you know something solid from her.

But she has always been straightforward with me on various things. It would be very uncharacteristic of her to leave me in the dark about something.

And I haven't even discussed a possible romantic relationship with her since July 2007. I was wanting her to finish school before I brought it up again.

Finding someone else who meets the following criteria will be impossible:

1. She must be an Aspie (formally diagnosed)
2. Her favorite TV show must be South Park

And this is if I'm willing to do a long-distance relationship. If I added a 3th criteria that said "She must live within 50 miles of Wichita Falls, Texas", then my chances really would be zero.

I finally heard from her, and things are ok now.

I want to be able to see her again, despite any distance-related difficulties that could occur.

I am worried about what will happen if I keep going to MSU, and she gets a job outside of the Metroplex. Because of this uncertainty, I am very tense, anxious, and high-strung sometimes. I am usually a very calm, laid-back guy.

I want her to see me as the guy that she had fun visiting and talking to. I don't want her to see me as "the guy who lives x miles away".

Right- I really believe there is someone for everyone. Everyone!
It's hard when you are really thinking about someone a lot- and very easy to base all of your self-worth on how long it has been since that person last communicated with you.

I heard from her again last week, and we've corresponded nearly every day since then.

That's good to hear, Tim. You seem like such a good-hearted guy.