I want to die. Now. Feeling suicidally depressed.

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Please check into the ER right away. You aren't getting better, and you need a break and someone to take care of you. It's OK to let other people take care of you when you're hurting. You won't have to think about the usual getting-by stuff, not even getting food. Just let them help you, please, FireBird.

I went to the hospital and they didn't have a bed available. They will have one on my birthday, how fun. What a great birthday present! Not!! ! I get to fiddle with my exciting thumbs there. I have been to this hospital 2 1/2 times. The half a time was when I went in last year and they didn't have a bed and they didn't want me back because I wasn't severe enough. This time however, they do. I signed a contract yesterday that says I will not kill or hurt myself.

Firebird, I'm glad you're ok. How frustrating a hospital cannot find a place for you when you're in need - geez. Please hang in there. Also, I'm sure you already know this, but please know: This is not your fault at all that you're not feeling well and having these strange feeling, which must be terribly scary for you. You do not deserve to suffer. And you can, and will, get better! I think though (not sure), if you do feel worse, or that you're in imminent danger of hurting or killing yourself, just go to the ER right away. Hope you feel better soon. There are treatment options too. Good luck Firebird

Flower for you!
Keep us updated too, when you feel well enough. Not a fun way to spend your birthday, but maybe a new beginning, of sorts?

The hospital stay was terrible! There were several people there that deliberately targeted me. They made fun of me and one of them called me a liar for no reason. I don't lie. Liars burn in hell, that is my belief. I mean, people who know they are lying and could control it. Making promises to people and then not following through is horrible. I got out of the hospital last week on Tuesday. I went in on my birthday on the 19th. But I was suicidal a few days ago again and kind of slit my wrist. Just a little blood and no real expectation of death. I was just angry at the world and myself. I still think I am nothing but a burden on my family and the entire world. I still am hopeless about my future. The good news is that my thought insertion is getting less, even though I still get the occasional "I'm going to kill you!" from the government. I love the government! They love to spy. Do I have a future? Nope. None what so ever. Am I worth anything? Same answer. All the stay accomplished was they put me on a higher dose of my anti psychotics even though one of my goals going in was to get off the stuff. I hate taking pills! They make you tired all day long. And there are some pills that make you fat. I think only one of mine does that.

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't enjoy your stay. I believe you do have a future and that you will be able to get better. Besides pills, are you working with anyone so you can start feeling better?

Firebird, Your hospital stay does seem nightmarish - I am sorry. Granted, no one likes the hospital, but....yuck! What really matters though is your aftercare. You have medication, your symptoms have abated somewhat (they will get better, over time). Do you have a doctor/therapist you trust? That's really key. I'm certain whomever is doing your aftercare is concerned that you cut yourself - that's scary.

I do think you have a future. Here's why: If you have a psychotic or thought disorder (assumption - true?), this is treatable. I live near a guy who is suffering from, more specifically recooperating from, schizophrenia. I know he struggles, but he really tries and he is making progress! In fact, he told me he wants to go into graphic computer design. You most certainly do have a future and therefore have worth.

About your medicine.....personally, I hate taking medicine too (I take a different kind that you - not antipsychotics). However, ask your prescriber about different neuroleptics. True, some cause weight gain but now there are great improvements in the pharmacology which address this deletorious side-effect - ask! Plus there's other alternatives and your prescriber can give you tips on how to manage this side effect, if it in fact occurs (exercise regime - which really helps you feel all over better, not just your weight). I think zyprexa is/was a real culprit for weight gain side effect, but there are other options, plus a new administration of zyprexa (oral dissolve) that ameloriates this.

Please don't believe you're not worth anything.....you are. Many with 'though disorders' go on to live very productive lives. You're already feeling better - see? Keep us posted.

Virtual 'get well' flowers for Firebird:

We all want you to live now

Such caring posters. We do worry about you firebird. One of my children was suicidal, and I know what you are going through. Please continue to seek help and please let us know how you are doing.

Thank you for telling us.

Firebird hon, this is serious, you need help now, wether or not it's the middle of the night or whatever, go to your local hospital and tell them what you are telling us, you need the help we cannot offer you now, please don't hurt yourself ether, you will get through this. Also make sure to tell anyonw who cares about you, parents, family members, the more people who are in on it, the faster you will get over this. ((((hugs))))

I am not suicidal right now and I am happy to say I don't need to go to the hospital since I am not a danger to myself or others. I already went a few weeks back and it was horrible. It wasn't a good experience. I just stayed one week there and had to go on my birthday! Out of all the days in the year, it had to be on my birthday! How sad is that? I am confused right now. I'm perfectly sane I tell you!

Yep, the Great Depression has arrived and I predicted it right here on Wrong Planet! I am doing much better though even though the economy sucks. McCain says the economy is strong! Bush broke down and finally admitted that the economy isn't strong after all. It only took him 8 years!

Hey Firebird,
Question,
do you want me to help talk you into it?
or do you want me to help talk you out of it?
it seems since your making a social thing out of it with this thread your wanting sympathy and support,
but for which one?
Please do tell!