Am I ever going to be able to get enough sleep?

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ok thanks for this, it was very thourough thank you.

Yay! I got 8.5 hours of sleep last night. I crashed at 9:30 (just over an hour after getting home from an 11 hour work day ), was asleep by 10:30, and woke up at 7:00. First time in a long time that that's happened.

Gel earplugs seemed to help, since me ears can't tolerate the foam ones.

...and to make up for decent sleep last night, my body decides to not let me sleep tonight.

Heh.

For the last 2.5 hours of work today, I was in a stupor and completely incapable of getting anything done (I got under 4 hours of incredibly light sleep last night (broken with no perceived falling asleep, but not enough memories to fill the 4 hour block), and was wide awake the rest of the time). I crashed almost immediately after getting home.

It's now 2 in the morning, and I'm back in bed after getting up to eat dinner. Yeah, I was too tired to even eat after work.


I went to the sleep clinic yesterday, and they gave me a prescripton for Rozerem, which I'll probably start tomorrow (assuming that I can get insurance to cover it).


The most frustrating thing is, first, how much I hate my job, and second, how I'd be better off financially if I wasn't working at all. My latest medical bill (from the sleep clinic, which I've been going to do having been forced by my boss (due to facing the choice of finding a way to stay awake at work or getting fired)) is within $50 of my non-bill spending this month combined (including things like food and clothing)... and it's only the latest of many.

I feel like I'm actually paying to work, since I'm spending very little, and I'm still living paycheck-to-paycheck because of the amount of money being seized for healthcare bills and auto payments.

My job is destroying my capacity to feel happiness, or to even think at all. There are no rewards at all at the workplace. There is nothing to look forward to at the job. I have not even been allowed to have any meaningful input at work since I started there 7 months ago, and my boss (and his brother) are so overtly hostile (to both me as well as everyone else) that I literally feel sick everytime I see them. I consoled myself by saying that I'd stick it out for 6 months then switch jobs so that it would look good on my resume (this is my first post-graduation job, after all), but I've been so exhausted that I haven't even been able to apply for any.

Even if I did, my mental capacities are so diminished from the lack of sleep that I wonder if I'd even be capable of passing an interview... if I even got one. I was applying for jobs for about a year before graduation and only got 4 on-site interviews.

About a month ago I felt as if being fired was imminent...


There's nothing to look forward to outside of work, either. I no longer have the mental facilities to enjoy myself on weekends, and I keep crashing earlier and earlier on weekdays due to exhaustion. When I'm up in the middle of the night like I am now, all I want to do is go back to sleep. And of course, I don't have any friends, since I'm a loser like that.

I hate my life. I wish that I could just go live in a cave somewhere for a year or two, and get away from all of this BS.

...and that thinking is a lot more optimistic than how I feel during the day. When I'm at my job, I alternate thinking about how much I want to sleep and how much I want to die.



edit:

Well, at least I'm 'normal awake and exhausted' instead of 'drug-induced awake and wired' tonight. This is far more pleasant than tripping on Provigil withdrawal.

I started melatonin on Saturday night.

This stuff is FANTASTIC!

I've slept well for the last three nights in a row, with no side effects (other than needing sunlight in the morning to get going and being sensitive to light at night... but that's easily taken care of).

I'm going to keep on it for the rest of the week, then go down to as-needed so that I don't become dependent on it.

The 3mg dose seems to be a bit too high (as I start getting sleepy way too fast), though.


I would also describe my daytime alertness to be comparable to when I was on Provigil (but WITHOUT the horrible side effects!), as long as I get my morning sunlight. On weekends that's easy, but I'm shifting my weekday schedule back an hour to compensate. With any luck, my boss will let me start showing up to work early and actually leave early, too. (I DO NOT want to still be working until 6:00 once daylight savings time ends... no evening sunlight 5 days of the week is awful).

Best of all, I can think again!

First order of business tonight, revise my resume and apply for better jobs. Second order of business, write this post, third, eat dinner.

Off to go eat now

Urgh. Insomnia. Kill it with FIIIIIRE!! D:>
Or, as my mother likes to swear by, a ice warm milky drink. I personally think a nice, lukewarm shower is great for relaxing the body in preparation for sleep but my mom swears by an age old remedy of making up a big ol' mug of cocoa if we're feeling restless.
Whilst I won't deny that chocolate yumminess doesn't relax me, the sugar will only serve to fuel hyperactivity, thus defeating the purpose.

I'd recommend three things.

1: A long, warm to pleasently hot shower or bath with milk and honey-scented/infused body wash. The shower/bath will help relax tense muscles and relieve some of the knots in your back whilst the milk and honey will have an aromatheraputic effect by calming the sense.

2: Ear-plugs and/or a sleeping blindfold. This will cancel out sound and distracting imagery.

3: Check that your mattress is not too hard or two soft. You should change your mattress every six or seven years or so as it can wear down and an uncomfortable mattress can not only cause sleep problems. It can also cause poor circulation, pressure sores and joint pain. I recommend a posture-pedic or a "memory-foam" mattress, largely because they evenly support the body weight and the "foam" feels like being gently hugged!

as for noise, you can always complain to your landlord and lodge a Noise Pollution complaint. If you cite sleeplessness as posing a direct threat to your job and health, I'd say they might be sympathetic.