Feeling incredibly depressed

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I just looked at your website and your artwork is wonderful.

Are you going to produce more products with the lighthouse design, like a T shirt or sweatshirt?

Cool website. I got a little lost and forgot to come back.

I'm even feeling more depressed. On the schizophrenia board that is usually supportive, there was a person who has been stalking me for some time and went out of his way to attack every part of me, including the only thing that is keeping me alive, my art. He supposedly just joined today, but has been doing research about me, somehow he knew about my autism (just remember this is a schizophrenia site), my website which he called "moderate at best", on a schizophrenia board he made a big deal that I made myself sound schizophrenic, what the hell? Its a schizophrenia board, stupid! Of course you are going to sound schizophrenic. He believes that I am the most "schizophrenic" person alive. He also thinks that using my disability to sell my art is "pathetic" and will "do no good." He also somehow knew my life story. He has literally been spying on me for some time, waiting for the right time to attack. Lately as you know, I have been attacked countless times on this board as well, adding to my evidence that everyone wants me dead.

You should write.

About the intergalactic war. Why have they summoned you specifically? Are you of any relation to them? Family perhaps?

Edit: By write, I meant creatively. The above is also a serious question. I don't want you to think I'm mocking you, I'm legitimately curious.

Even though I post on a schizophrenic board, doesn't mean that I think I am schizophrenic. Its just what my pdoc diagnosed me as, well actually schizoaffective disorder bipolar type...current episode depressed. The only part that is right is the depression, I don't think I am psychotic in the least bit, all this is happening for a reason. Psychotic people can't speak right and get incoherent 24/7, hears voices 24/7, and other hallucinations all day as well. Today I hallucinated....get ready for this....twice! Once was a beep that could have been real, and the other was a 20 foot spider on the ceiling (I know that is impossible). I've seen the spiders before by the way sometimes in my room. And I am preparing to be a professional speaker! I rarely get incoherent. I don't have delusions because the definition of a delusion is a false belief and last nights dream even involved the aliens. I don't know why they chose me and those other people, I'm not a creative writer...believe it or not I have no imagination, all this information came to me in the form of "thought insertion" like I mentioned before. They are not my own thoughts. Why would I think these things on my own? Never! They are the ones that told me this, about the war and stuff about the gov. I love the gov! I always have to say that. I haven't sleeping well, sleep deprivation can cause "psychotic" like symptoms. Last night was a disaster, even though I did dream (I could sleep for 5 minutes and have a complete dream, I get into REM sleep immediately) I was shivering all night long, getting up every few minutes. To have schizophrenia you have to have at least 2 of the 5 main symptoms. I'll list them here. Delusions (nope), hallucinations (rarely, except when on Moban which causes me to hallucinate so it doesn't count since its medicine induced), disorganized speech (rarely, so it doesn't count), catatonia (yes, but my longest "freeze" lasted only an hour so I don't know if even that counts), and "negative" symptoms (nope). So as you can see, I don't really qualify as having schizophrenia, my pdoc misdiagnosed me.

Hi Firebird, yes, sleep deprivation can make you feel horrible and have strange thoughts...maybe your doc is trying to help with the symptoms, whatever the diagnosis is that the doc made. If your doc can give you something to help you sleep, that would help with the way you feel and the hallucinations. I wish I could help but I don't know what to suggest really, apart from hanging in there and doing your art. Maybe that would help to concentrate on something if you feel like painting. I love your art btw!

No-one should hassle you at a support forum. Take no notice of them.

I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I want you to do well in life, and to do whatever you need to get there.

Even if the worst of what someone like that says is true, why would that be a reason to attack? You're not hurting anyone else. That's just part of his schizophrenia. Concerning that stalker, would a moderator delete him from your threads if you asked? I sometimes feel that we don't have enough moderators around here, that hostile responses should be deleted. I don't even know how to report stuff. On some sites, there's a button to report a bad post.

Whether you are schizophrenic seems partly a question of semantics. Substitute that with a phrase like "need a wheel chair." Whether the cause is a broken leg (temporary, imposed by external factors) or paraplegic (permanent) either way, the current need for a wheel chair remains a reality. You need to get the doctors to fix those meds.

I can imagine how Asperger's plus bipolar plus sleep deprivation plus external stress can temporarily knock you for a loop. While you're in that bad place, for whatever reason, you need to find ways of dealing with it.

The art and public speaking are genuine talents that you should feel good about and should continue to develop. I wish I could draw like that.

What Bodhi said about writing could be a good thing. How much detail do you put into your diary? Do you ever draw space ships or strange creatures? If you go back to something very old, some story about aliens or something that you now think is silly, could you use it as the basis of a work of fiction?
Copyright laws don't care whether it's a "thought insertion" or inspired by some diety or a pharmaceutical company. It's yours and you can do whatever you want with it.
I can see the acknowledgment page now: "I am deeply indebted to ABC Pharmaceuticals, Inc. and intend use the proceeds from this book to repay my dept with a massive class-action suit and an international public awareness campaign..."

I'm feeling really depressed too. Let's wait this one out together bud

FireBird,
on that forum/the schizophrenia one,does it have an option where are able to add someones user name to a ignore list-so there posts do not appear to self?
that option is quite common on forums,if not sure,ask a mod there.

The moderator on the schizophrenia site hates me as well, I'm afraid he's going to ban me. I did nothing wrong. He is just on locking threads that I start, but he doesn't lock anyone else's. The moderator is a jerk as well. (I won't mention names). 99% of the world hates my guts, and 1% supports me. There was just another attack who made a big deal that I write about my delusions (THIS IS A SCHIZOPHRENIA BOARD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! !! !) and my success stories. There are more attackers and less supporters everyday with me. I know there are a FEW that support me and think I am inspiring, but most want me dead. I can't take being bullied and then being blamed for it myself. I just want to die so I don't have to deal with the attacks anymore. They would probably be happy for me that I'm no longer around. In fact people from around the world will probably celebrate that I'm dead. Other people write about delusions all the time on the schizo board and they don't get attacked for it. Why me?

I doubt that any of them want you to die. Most jerks just want you to conform to their ideas of what you should do and be. And it's probably not the majority on that board. Loud, obnoxious people like to distort reality.

Maybe you push more buttons there. If you remind someone of himself and he hates himself, maybe that will make him want to attack you.

I like you FireBird.

...but Pratchett says it best:
"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

your mind has been cleaved open and your picking up a lot of info, info that you don't even need.
But I guess you don't know what sounds to trust.

We're all f*****g nuts, but some people just don't know when to stop digging when they're in a hole, and since long forgotten how to look up towards the light. The dark forest where night forever rules is their home and it's super cold, hope you brought a warm jacket.
Try finding the flashlight, there's 1 in every forest and it has your name on it.

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