Slipping back into psychosis?

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Hi, FireBird. I can understand you not wanting to be bullied off a high-traffic site, but if you're getting upset by the way you're being treated, staying away may be the best option. You don't sound as though you need any extra stress at the moment.

I agree with a lot of the suggestions that others here on WP have been making- Roadracer in particular has offered some great advice, I think. Anyway, I'm sorry you've been having such a tough time. People do care, FireBird.

I wouldn't tell you to stay away from a website just because you were bullied. In principle it would be nicer if at some point they became more polite to you.

My experience with internet bullying has been highly revolting. I must've been teamed up on about five times now. They seem to think they're all tough when they band together but really appear somewhat simple-minded.

Bullying sucks. But if that should happen on Wrong Planet - let a moderator know, ok?

Keep up w/ your posts, FireBird. And hope you feel better soon (you will)!

a friend of mine made a simple trash-can brand mark turn into a threatening message, that lasted for weeks, untill he showed me the threatening symbols, and i saw his simple mistake. he had simply misunderstood the brand name, as something personal.
i showed him the mistake, and he saw what i saw, for the first time in weeks.

he has also gotten into fights (that is, gotten beaten up) on several occations, for accusing people (random strangers) of stalking him. this happens cus he often blurs faces, he recognizes faces on the wrong people, and will easily assume that the people on the bus home, are the exact same as in the café earlyer, and in the library before then, and it freaks him out.

classical schizo stuff, detailed stuff (in his mind, the trashcan thing, was caused by people, probably occultist youngsters, out to get him) and more general paranoia.

its so extreme, it seems comical and faked, but it can be very real indeed. i have laughed my ass off at the insanities he tells me sometimes myself. he knows me tho. he knows that he vents, i laugh

I've been off the meds for awhile now and the hallucinations are actually getting LESS, therefore proving I don't need anti psychotics. All it did for me was cause me to get fat, I've been on so many anti psychotics and all I get are the side effects and weight gain. Same for anti depressants. I am cleaning my system out of psych meds and other meds. My pdoc was WRONG. He thought for sure that if I go off the anti psychotic for any length of time, that I would get so psychotic that I would end up in a state mental hospital. Boy was he wrong! I think the anti psychotics made me psychotic! My therapist/psychologist says that can actually happen, that the meds have the opposite effect on people, you know, anti psychotics making people psychotic and anti depressants making people suicidal. The only meds I am taking are the painkillers, my blood pressure pill, and my anti biotic. I think once its (the anti psychotic) completely out of my system (maybe a few more weeks), I won't have ANY symptoms of psychosis anymore! I'm not hearing voices that often (just at night for some odd reason) but not even having much visual hallucinations like I did before. The only remaining symptom is the so called "delusions" which I still believe is real. I am still scared about the FBI being at the airport on Wednesday and that I am on the "no fly list" because I destroyed the economy and caused so many bad things to happen in the world. I think I don't need a psychiatrist anymore since I don't need meds! I'm cured! My "depression" is almost always situational based, meaning its not a chemical imbalance as in most cases. So, meds won't help with the depression. Same with my "mania", situational based. When good things happen, I get really happy and have some of the symptoms of mania. When bad things happen and if its really bad, I get suicidally depressed, no matter what meds I am taking. Now I'm starting to believe that it was medicine induced psychosis, not schizoaffective disorder! I am so fat because of all of this. I don't deserve this. I used to be thin and pretty. No guy would want to date a 220+ pound woman who only is 5 foot 2 inches. Boy was that embarrassing! The meds did nothing other than to ruin my life. I know it helps in other cases, but certainly not in mine. I am much better without the meds.

Firebird, I really dont know you, only what you put in your posts. I still dont think you should go off the meds, and your last post is a good example of why I thought you should have not stopped them. I grew up with people with these problems and I have seen to so often that I can predict what is going to happen. I think you are setting your self up for a cycle. I have seen the cycle, the person stops the meds think there doing good, but in reality they are starting all over again, then eventualy they get to the point they are back on the meds again and the cycle continues, just dont set yourself up for this cycle.
You seem like you are cured and doing great, but I can see in your last post everything is not as great as it seems right now, for instance you said

If you are still having the delusions like that then everything is NOT cured. I am not saying the meds worked or did not work, and I am NOT trying to make you feel bad, I am only saying I have seen this before, this type of cycle. I know you do not believe it is happening, but at least keep going to the doctors because JUST IN CASE things start going bad again, then at least you will still have some help. You do not want it to turn into a situation where you do not have any help. You are feeling good now, but you never know what tomarow will bring.

I feel this message might even have been a waste to type because I think you are just not going to believe me? Anyway, I wish you luck with your trip, hope your art makes tons of money

Hi, FireBird. I completely agree with Roadracer- stopping your meds without your pdoc's knowledge is a BAD idea. You're not sounding well at all. I know you're upset about your weight, but your pdoc can help you with that, too. Please give him a call and tell him what is happening, ok?

Also wanted to say, if you have a commitment plan or ever signed anything like that (even if you dont remeber singing it) then that means that if you stop treatment they can have you admited to a hospital. Again not sure if that applies to you, but the reason they use that is to stop the cycle I described above.
I dont want to see you end up in a phsyc center, not because of your symtoms, but just because you stopped treatment

Its the treatment that made me psychotic in the first place. The Moban was the worst one of them all. It made me hallucinate all day and I was terrified. I'm not hallucinating right now. It says right on the Internet and elsewhere that you can't mix narcotics with psych meds or any other meds, really. I am finally starting to lose weight after all these years. I really don't want to turn diabetic or dead because of some med that I don't need. Or 300 pounds. That is just unacceptable. I don't believe I am psychotic anymore which makes me happy! As time goes on, I am in fact getting better, not worse as you or any doctor would expect. I don't think they understand it was medicine induced psychosis. My pdoc would NEVER take me off the anti psychotics, even though they cause so many problems. I know for other people they can't live without these meds. That might be true for them, but not me. I don't think I signed a "commitment plan" of any kind. When I was actively suicidal and psychotic my local hospital didn't accept me because "the cuts weren't deep enough and I had medical knowledge, meaning its not real" so they didn't admit me when I really needed it. So, why would they admit me when I am showing almost no symptoms? I am not a threat to myself or others. By the way, my next pdoc appointment is the day after we come back from the trip.

Hi, FireBird! I'm on loxapine too. I used to see black holes. I almost got some even on the loxapine, but maybe that's because I need a higher dose of loxapine; I doubt it's because the loxapine makes me worse. Watch out for Haldol though; it makes you worse even though it does stop doing that. Have you ever been on it?

Never been on Haldol, but like I said before, the Moban was the worst experience for me. The jerks on the other site made a big deal when I wrote the dosage (which isn't the correct starting dosage) to "prove" that I am faking my disorder. He really did give me that low of a dosage (I started on 10mg when the real starting dosage is 50mg but 10mg made me hallucinate all day so imagine what the so called "normal" starting dosage would have done to me!), the moderators on that other site silence my voice, not letting me post, and have posted my personal information without my permission all of which are illegal. After my trip (especially all the damage they have done to me) I am pursuing legal action against them. They have done nothing but bullied me, made me suicidal, called me a faker, and shot every "good" part of me down. They deserve fines or jail time. Revenge is sweet at times! I will be jumping for joy once they can't moderate that site anymore because they are either in jail or had fines against them and legally not able to run a site. My psychiatrist has ALWAYS put me on a lower than normal starting dosage because I am extremely sensitive to meds. Has that ever crossed the jerk's minds? Or are they just stupid? I'm leaning toward total stupidity here. I hate them and they hate me. Every time someone starts a support thread about me, they shut it down. ITS AN F-ING SUPPORT BOARD a**holes! I can't even ask for help anymore there, because it immediately gets locked. At one point, BOTH moderators on the site ganged up on me and conducted "research" to see how bad of a person I am and to expose me, now if that isn't illegal, I don't know what is. I just feel like ripping everyone apart on that site, acting just like the moderators. Call everyone fakers and liars. By the way, I saw a black hole once (I think it was on the Moban) opening up at a restaurant. Are you schizoaffective? If so, bipolar type or depressive type?

I was dioagnosed with bipolar type 1 and schizoaffective disorder, so I'm probably the bipolar type. My boyfriend thinks I'm schizophrenic as well. the only hallucinations I've ever had are black holes and sometimes hearing someone calling my name, and once hearing my boyfriend laughing at me when he said he wasn't. I think my boyfriend might consider me too high-maintenance and want to get rid of me... he filed a lawsuit against me for custody of our son, and said that I'm a danger to him and would neglect him and/or abduct him. The reasons why he did that are unclear, but he says he'll tell me why he said those things, and made me seem like this horrible schizophrenic when I'm not, after the court business is over and he has my son!

I saw your website btw; your artwork is good!

Good for you firebird. Just remember if you suddenly feel really wierd or sick, or get strange symptoms you never have had before its withdrawal. you should go see a holistic doctor to clean the effect of the drugs out of your systems and help you heal.

Haldol was so awful.

The doctor told me my thinking was black-and-white and gave me an injection against my will. Never mind the intellectual cockiness of ridiculing black-and-white thinking, but that drug landed me in an emotional stupor that lasted months. Such was my experience with the greedy, money-grubbing hand of psychotherapy.

Did you know that they work by blocking the brain's 'pleasure chemical'? They don't tell you that, do they?