Expecting a very lonely summer

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I did meet her on here, but she hasn't posted in over a year.

I don't feel welcome on here anymore. I have been on here almost 5 years, and all people see is that I am conservative, and people avoid me entirely because of that, without ever getting to know me.

And my meltdowns become more frequent and more severe because of this. I am banging my wrists against hard surfaces, punching walls, and kicked a cabinet so hard in my apartment that the wooden panel above it fell off. And I threw my cell phone and now I can't contact my family if I need them.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 31 May 2009, 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

I guess I'll have to stop being a Christian.

As for the friend I mentioned earlier in this thread, I asked a friend, one I knew I could trust, to e-mail her so I could know what was going on. I got a response, but instead of apologizing, she threatened legal action against me for letting a friend e-mail her. I was just wanting what was going on, and why she stopped answering my e-mails, yet she acted as if I was some sort of crazed, obsessed stalker who was out to cause her harm.

I'm sorry WP is like that, people need a scapegoat sometimes and a guy like you fits, I mean, no group of friends to stand up for you, a belief that is easy to attack, I can identify with that kind of feeling.

I spent the last 6 years in the army, I'm probably the world's biggest pothead now that I'm out, and I want to be a nurse in the future. The pot makes me incompatable with a lot of my old army friends, and the nursing isn't a good seller either. I can't say that the army hurt anything, nobody complains about something like that, except for me since I really didn't feel like I could be myself in the army.

I like the fact that you want to stay true to yourself in spite of the criticism you might get. But I have to say that being unwavering will only get more of the same treatment. From time to time, I have this routine called "reset". I do a reset when I feel incompatable with the rest of the world (definately better than contemplating suicide). There's a list of things I'll do to get back in my groove (or just "the groove")

1. Get really really high (probably not your thing, but there's always that dream-quest thing that the natives did)

2. Take up a new religion, I got into Taoism, you can keep the Christianity and practice Taoism as well. You can go to a group if you can find one, they can help you understand Christianity better.

3. Go on a really long walk with your i-pod/favorite music (make sure you bring enough water)

4. Take up a new hobby, www.meetup.com can be useful in finding a group supportive of your new hobby

5. Getting the f*** out of dodge, seriously, come december, you should consider moving to a different location, maybe you can reasearch a good location first.

I was really attached to this friend, and she abandoned me for no reason. I wasn't even given a chance to discuss my feelings, I was completely at her mercy.

lol not long ago you where complaining of the oposite. I have to hand it to you , you had me fooled.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa_ePERLvK4[/youtube]

Anyway wishing you the best, try immersing yourself in something that you are passionate about. Being on you own once in while isn't all that bad really. Try and not let your fixations last. Like your past relationships that are 5+ years old, try and give up the ghost seriously. Don't wait to get fixated on the next person. If someone is not you friend, just try to move on and don't dwell on it.