Not Enjoying Living (Trigger Warning: Suicide)

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TGI, it’s good to hear from you again.

I can certainly understand wanting the intoxicating experience of being in love. It’s certainly an over the moon experience and it happens in concert with another person, which does make it seem to be a validating experience.

It’s also a bit like cocaine in that it doesn’t last long and is addictive. Rarely can two people take additional hits of being in love. You can be in love again, but only with someone new.

I was constantly baffled and life was chaotic until I was about 40. I had life-altering inner transformations at around 50 and again in my 60s. Each transformation totally changed my understanding of life.

Developmental changes continue throughout the lifespan. We may progress more slowly due to autism, but we still progress.

i was bothered by all the things the OP was bothered about until the lit up in me noodle, and i suddenly realized, "i can't handle the social regime of CONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE of me by other people."

And that’s totally fine if that life suits you!

Your words are actually a pretty accurate portrayal of dating & human attraction, IMO. It’s all about conditional acceptance based on a variety of criteria someone may have for a sexual, romantic, or dating/life partner. Acknowledging this, people who want to attract a certain type of human put in the work to move mountains on their way to becoming the type of person those they want to attract are attracted to. That’s just how it works.

Even in the gay hookup world it works very much the same way. I have a certain range of types I’m attracted to, and I know that if I want to have any kind of shot at connecting with them I have to do the disciplined work of diet and exercise to keep myself in the kind of shape that attracts the types I’m interested in. Bonus is I Also do it for my own health/functional & recreational strength etc, not just primarily to get laid. It’s just the way it is.

Ok, but at what point is it reasonable to expect that I can get a girlfriend? What must I achieve first before that's plausible, in your opinion?


I know for a fact that people on the spectrum have gotten relationships without being particularly physically fit or particularly financially successful.

Being held to a higher standard than everyone else based on something I didn't choose and can't control just makes me angry, it doesn't motivate me. It makes me feel that my assessment of the situation is correct and I might as well pack it in.

As it relates to exercising for the sake of exercising/health, it never happens unless I plan it in advance. I almost never get up and spontaneously start exercising, and I'm not the type of person who would do that.

When we're talking exercise, I'm thinking like going to the gym, but if we're talking things like walking, I don't have a car, so I largely rely on walking and cycling to get around my local area. I ride my ebike 10-15 minutes each way to work and back everyday. My local grocery store is close to my mum's house, which is 1km away from me, so I'm making that walk fairly often either to see my mum/brother or get groceries.


It could really go either way with 3 years, but I do have a deadline. An age where I'm not going to allow myself to make it there without having had those romantic experiences I'm talking about. You can think that I'll never get to the point of doing anything drastic, and hopefully I don't need to, but if nothing is significantly better by my deadline, I will be doing what I deem appropriate.


I guess it's possible that the dark circles are caused by what you describe, but I know that my depression is exogenous, or at least it started that way. I'd be interested to hear you out on what worked for you but I'm imagining it might be a bit to digest.

And I know there are no rules with dating or whatever, but if I can't attract a woman in her mid 20s when I'm in my mid 20s, there's not a chance in he'll that I'm going to be able to in my 50s. Moreover, I'd hope that I'm in a stable long-term relationship by the time I reach my 50s.

Men are a lot more attractive in their 50s than their 20s. Getting older in itself will makr you more attractive. It seems like your main issue is that you are too desperate. Chill out a bit and be in some situatioms where women are and treat them as potential friends and it will probably happen within 6 months to a year. Keep treating it like a goal you have to attain by a deadline, and you'll carry on being single. Women don't want to be a thing you need tl tick off your Things to Do before your 30 list amd they'll sense it of thats how you view things. You need ro be relaxed and spontaneous.

Are you pink, or blue?

I agree with you.
Make friends, not girlfriends.
"Girls" who are friends are good people to be around, too.

As Star88 said, enjoying friendships with women is a good starting point.
How many women friends do you have, btw?

a lot of us incels seem to repel women somehow, no matter what we do. repel or anger. so no friendships possible. a continuing mystery sidestepped only with hermithood.

None

In RL, you mean?
Any idea why you can't make friends with women?
Hobby/activity courses would be good.

Bushwalking, painting classes, cooking classes, book-reading groups...

Covid is well behaved in Australia, and you aren't in the Socialist Republic of Victoria, so I imagine it can be done in Brisvegas, somewhere.
If not now, plan for the near future, after the vaccines arrive.

I'm not great at making friends in general. I have a hard time knowing what to talk about and generally how to interact with unfamiliar people (and sometimes even familiar people), so as a result I've largely withdrawn and tend to rarely initiate interactions and only respond when others initiate.

The only times I tend to come into contact with young women are rarely through friends of friends and sometimes at the trivia I co-host, though they generally already have male company.

The challenge I have with the hobbies/interest group stuff is that there doesn't seem to be much overlap between the few hobbies I might actually be interested in doing for the sake of doing them (for instance chess or card games) and things that young women seem likely to be drawn to.

If I was to go to any of the groups you mentioned, I wouldn't be going because I had any interest in the hobby itself. The entirety of my reason for going would be to realise ulterior motives, and I don't know that that's a good idea.

It's true that, in the not-so-long ago past, husbands and wives used to form very formidable bridge teams (alluding to your hobby of playing cards).

How about joining a bridge club?

Your only hope is to pick up bodybuilding as a hobby.."When it burns, it grows." - Arnold Swarznegger - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LUv3kbmNfg

Last edited by idntonkw on 16 Nov 2020, 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes Pepe, girls make amazing friends. I mean we get emotional, but when a girl cares for you we are willing to fight that girls that are giving you problems. Plus we are better at "wing-man" than most guys. (trust me on that)

Did you say chess and card games?!? I love chess and card games. I am a rookie at chess , but I love to play cards. I'm not talking bout gold fish. Nah I mean Rummy, Palace, Gin Rummy, and Black Jack. I am willing to learn new games. Well more than willing.

^^^pardon me but i will admit i sure hope that somehow you and the OP can compare notes.