Rants

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I really am evil. I deserve to be hated. I don't hate myself enough, considering how evil I am.

Also, I keep having hallucinations.

hmm, a rant.....


Erm, how come cars are allowed to be driven on roads and yet there aren't any safety rails anywhere? If you went to a themepark there are only a certain amount of rides yet there are guard rails everywhere, you come onto a normal street and there are these massive piece of metal weighing tons sometimes and yet nobody thinks it's silly that these ridiculously dangerous death machines are flying about the place everywhere doing ridiculous speeds just waiting for the person driving them to lose their attention for a second. And goddamn, they're so loud. I walked around on christmas day and it was heaven, no cars on the road and everywhere was silent. Perfect. When cars first appeared they were startling horses and people were all wtf, has the wtf become so commonplace now that we don't question the stupidity of it all?

i find it really annoying when people get a crush on someone and start changing themselves to someone they think their crush would find more appealing. why does everyone do that

Edit: These are rhetorical's I've got to remember to stop answering these like regular questions.

Edit Again: AHHHHHH I want to answer these questions!! !!

I am so angry right now! NOTHING is EVER good enough for my parents!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

these pills aren't working.

I can only be myself.

I think I am leading someone on who I shouldn't be...I mean he is legit serious about it and taking missionary discussions and I haven't even met him....mush less webcammed. Don't get me wrong, he's cute....but he doesn't make me laugh or get any of my jokes and he kinda sucks at English....plus he says he is looking for something serious. I am not looking for something serious unless I fall in love...but one of the key elements is already missing. I can usually tell if a guy and I have chemistry even online but it seems like we don't and he seems like a sweet guy and I don't want to break his heart. I just don't think I should let it get any further because I don't want to be mean. However, I like that feeling of someone pining for me and pining for them at the same time....but I just don't know. Plus he says he is married to his work, and he's a dog groomer. I'm not saying that he needs to be rich, but I doubt that will pay much for the future and Idk I just think I make too many mistakes in the love department. *sigh*

This is just a prologue. Don't look back.

Look at your hands. So much can be done with them.

Don't look back.

i need to find a job but the fact i can't even go in the 'work and finding a job' section on here doesn't bode well.
stupid me

society's response to me being ugly: beat me up 4 on 1, film it, upload on youtube, show during oral exam on the big projector, teacher doesn't do s**t about it.

society's response to coloured contact lenses, makeup for men, plastic surgery, fasting to lose weight: that's sooo fake. you have bdd. go to a hospital.

MAKE A PICK

edit: damn this is a good place to vent

^ ): you're so not ugly
they did that because they are doobieheads

AHHHH Gah can't my parents just make this a place I want to come back to at least sometimes?

You know, I have a full time job, medical benefits, a car, good hobbies, things I love doing, but one obstacle holds me back from accomplishing anything I really want to in life, and that's being autistic. I'm 21.. I have a career and PLENTY of things I should be happy about. But I'm not. Not even slightly. WHY?! I blame it ALL on being autistic.

God, some days I'd prefer ball cancer to having autism.. f**k, take away my ability to breed, I don't even need it, just get rid of this stupid curse.

I find it difficult to express emotions. I find them difficult to identify and analyse, but I feel them. I think other people think that I'm not a person in the same way that they are because I don't show my feelings in a way they understand. I think I've hit upon why people seem to treat me differently to others. They don't do it an obvious, or even conscious way, but over 25.5 years, my experience of being treated this way has had a big impact on my psychological development.

I think this issue is one of the reasons I need counselling/therapy as well as the medication I take - so I can get a better handle on my emotions and find ways to express them. However, I will need to wait maybe another 6 months for therapy.