Rants

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Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! Why do I have to be me? I DON'T WANT TO.

Not allowed to prefer anything older or original while disliking something new without being called out as a hipster. I also can't stand hipsters and think they are boring so having the label attached to me at all is upsetting.

Also pissed off that I was told I liked "dad rock" because I love King Crimson and Jimmy Hendrix. Yeah, lemme just be cool and bust out the sick dubstep beats . Also sick of all the "WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ASPERGERS FAKERS" topics.

NEU , Listen to my music. Tell me if you like it.
http://nibirunon.bandcamp.com/album/nibirunon

I'm WAAAAAY too ugly. I'm cursed with a small chin and a flat-as-hell face, so I've always had this annoying double chin that makes me look even fatter than I already am, which is pretty fat.

See I'm in good shape and I always seem to have a double chin. It's hard to get a picture of my face where I don't look like I'm way overweight. It's the WORST

Talking of the worst, somebody just reminded me of why I get annoyed at people and have trouble keeping any friends. Internet friend forgetting that we'd been messaging each other and then not bothering to respond properly when I remind them? I thought there was some sort of rapport but obviously this person doesn't care and would just as soon discard me. People always do this to me and now I just want to burn bridges with everybody I know because I'm sure they're basically all the same...

I am going to try to kill myself later. I can't take any more.

Noone is making a move on Facebook Scrabble and the one person who I have interesting talks with on Facebook chat is not online and I'm bored.

/world'ssmallestviolin

Paperwork, face too face social interaction, financial stress and the unknown changes ahead .......

I feel like a mistake. I learned at a young age that I am flawed. Why do people drag me down? Is that where I belong?

No you don't belong there puddingmouse.





I'm cutting myself and I hope I die this time. I don't want to wake up another morning.

Read this. Everybody who doubted me for no reason over someone who you know to be a deceptive person - one phrase, how they left this site - everyone I trusted, I was telling you the truth. My mom will be able to prove it with my online records, she'll be able to do what I wasn't willing to do and show that I was telling the truth. And the person who did it will face his actions. That's the only way he'll face them, after I'm dead. He will face his actions. He will not destroy any more people's lives. But he'll never face them while I'm still alive. He doesn't care about me. I'm not a human being to him because I'm not good-looking enough for him to respect me the way he respects others. Me. I am a trash can to him. Well I'm turning over the trash can. I can't take it anymore.

https://sites.google.com/site/stopra/thegaslighteffect

http://h2oforthegaslit.hubpages.com/hub ... ing-Victim

You want a job done better, do it yourself. If I get something done as asked, and it doesn't quite live up to your standards because I just so happened to miss ONE SPECK OF DUST... Yeah, go screw yourself.

Another good reason for me to get the hell out of here. I'd have a great deal less stress in my life without people attacking what I do and how I do it.

errg lebanese community- why are you so freaking small!? like i go into the restaurant down the road because i needed shawarma and pay using eftpos and the lady notices my last name which is prominent in lebanon and she starts with the "are you related to this politician and to the person that owns this and is this news presenter your cousin?" and i'm like yes, very distantly... then she calls out to her husband becuase i'm distantly related to these really scummy people with power and this is good to them and then i learn that no matter how far i move away from my family i will always have to be careful with my identity. she asks if i know a woman who is married to my uncle. i answer yes. she knows them. she asks who my parents are. she's heard of them. she knows people from my church. i live down the road from their shop so i can never go there again if i'm to keep a low profile. nor can i poster there. i'm going to use my mums last name from now on. seriously- i move to a place my family wouldn't be caught dead in and still there are people from their part of the community. there is no escaping them. and i gave her both my mums village and my dads when she asked and she only accepted my dads. so sexist. ah well. the shawarma was sub par anyway. the baklava was crap. at least she said my arabic was good.

Summer sucks. It's not like I have enough of a hard time motivating myself as it is, but with this lousy heat keeping me focused on staying somewhat cool and keeping me up all night, I really can't do much else at all. Wish I could move someplace colder.

yesterday was the walk to harmony (multiculturalism) walk and i went. it was good. and the media was there which was good. i think i got on the news which is very, very bad. it was probably channel nine news. i havent been able to find much coverage on the internet to check out how bad the damage is. i know i got on the news because my mum texted me and she didnt ask me if i had gone- she told me i had. if she saw me on the sceen holding the banner (it read: "Tear down the fences" with the name of our organisation) of the group i am active in then i am f*cked in so many ways its hard to describe. if she googles it they'll be able to hunt me down easily and they might start hassling my comrades. it wouldnt be the first time they've googled me to try figure out what im up to. i hate the media at rallies but i also want them there otherwise what good is a rally? when i first started going to protests a couple of years ago when i started uni they were really scary. i was going to same sex marriage rallies, telling my family i was at the library or studying or at the art gallery and i didnt want my face all over the tv at a protest for marriage rights with a whole bunch of people from my community. this was problem a load of us at youth group had. the media feels free to film us without regard to the fact that some of us arent out of the closet, some of us were from right wing areas including country areas where its harder to access supports and many of us had lied to be there. the media always freaks us out. so far i've only been in left wing and queer press exept for the time the back of me was on ABC news at a protest where i, along with a bunch of others, terrorised/chased the prime minister and opposition leader down the street. i hate their freaking cameras.

Just missing my former girlfriend.
I feel very alone but I want to turn that from "alone" to being "valuable on my own" as in... keep doing things even though alone and heck maybe even turn it into a strength rather than a painful experience... more alone time means a lot of time to use my thoughts for creativity and other work efforts... but I don't want it to just be like that all through my life.
I want to cooperate with people at least to some degree to become a musician etc.
Yes though I miss my former girlfriend.

Interacting with others is a pain in the !@#. Am taking a physics course with a lab. Being so much older, I really tend to keep to myself, but try and be friendly here and there. Group work drives me up a wall though, and lab is about teams. I am on a team with two women, one mid thirties, other maybe 20. The one in mid thirties is a yacker, but there is something very two faced about her. I work hard on the labs, get started, do a lot of the actual experiment, while they sit there. It's "group activity" while the experiment is going on, then if I get confused and ask about the lab sheets (which are convoluted disorganized nightmares, like the description labeled as "1" actually went with the section on the sheet labeled "11", then it "skip this, skip that, now find this, sorry the equipment isn't working" etc.
I have noticed the other two women put their little head together and treat me like I am suddenly feeble if I as a question, and ignore me, fill their forms out, then leave. (Side note of "aha B$%^#&", thirtysomething asked what I got on last weeks test, me 90, her in the 60's again). Today twentysomething wasn't there, thirtysomething really friendly, wanting to yack about her family, her church, how busy blah blah. She didn't have a damn clue about the experiment, didn't even know we needed to be connected to the power and she turned off the DC power at one point. Then after taking readings and calculating some things, we lost the circuit, the lab guy came over trying to figure out where the short was etc, and the dumbass thirtysomething changes the setting on our power just turning the dial "is it this????" then left it at 10.12 and the lab guy said, "well now that changed everything" and she didn't even friggin get it. That is all ok, but then I was a little confused about some of the blanks on the sheet and she wouldn't even let me see her paper, actually hunching over and hiding it. So glad I (hopefully) won't ever have to see that pain in the butt again after this Wednesday. I reallly hate it when people are all about team work when they don't know what the hell they are doing, then act like you are trying to cheat if you ask them something. I MEAN COME ON, she didn't even know that we need to leave the power on to have our circuit work and that changing the voltage partway through made all our data off. So glad though that the lab guy was there to see it.

OOH, long rant, I feel better about having to deal with dumbass pain in the butt people.