Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear SpaseCases's male self,

Nice music on your page! Makes me feel like dancing...

from Sunny

Dear Billy,
Why exactly did you talk to me when we bludged scrapbooking? Did you actually like me and want to get to know me? Did you just feel sorry for me? Were you just bored? Or were you just dared to by your dips**t friends so you could laugh about everything I said behind my back? While I'm at it I know I must have annoyed you by bombarding you with messages via myspace, but did you accept my friend request in the end because you really wanted me as a friend? Did you keep those messages to yourself or foward them to your friends and laugh at me some more?
Either way you were the only boy in the whole school you actually bothered to get to know me.
-Melinda (2005-2006)

Dear *****

Where are you? I miss you. You said you would be back but you never came back.

Dear Kevin

Why?? Why are you so wonderful?? I love you and I love you and you love me back and it's so good! But don't you get frustrated with me? I try and try and you accept everything that's wrong with me, and sometimes I feel like the world would end if you left me.

Oh, happy 1 month annirversary handsome!

Love forever
Kezza

Dear Kroger,

I apologize for being disruptive in your store. I hope it didn't take long to clean up after me, and that any customers that were upset will still shop at your store in the future. It was nothing personal, and though it isn't any consolation, I don't fully remember being there.

Though I was very drunk, please note that I did pay for all of the things I took out of the store. I was disruptive, but I had no desire to steal from you.

shadexiii

Dear __________,

I am sorry your father got cancer, but that simply doesn't give you the right to lock 11-14 year ols who have done nothing or very little wrong in padded closets. It does not give you the right to keep sick children of the same ages in school when they need to go home. It does give you the right to the enclosed tissue. I hope you are never allowed to teach again.

Dear everyone who has ever known me,

I am sorry for being such a disappointment and for coming across as a totally emo attention seeking bint.

Dear Graelwyn,
You never came off as someone like that to me. Emo is a sadistic term and is becoming more and more of an insult every day. Everyone feels sad and worthless at some point in their lives, and it should not be embarrassing to feel those feelings, but some gits are so stuck up themselves that they feel the need to make you feel even more worthless through 'tough love'.

You were okay from the start, and always have been.

Sincerely,
Tim .V

dear controller of my life...
why do i always get the feeling of suicide cursing through my veins having a fag burning on my wrist for 2 minutes with blinding pain is not enough it's like an unseen being derives his fun from seeing me in pain i suddenly get an urge to hurt myself and it is not born out of my mind.
of all the things that have happened to me i have survived almost like a god is protecting me
am i just a chess piece in some sick game
just a stupid kid with no love left for anything just hate and hatred that eats away at my soul
f**k i so badly wish i could die
i have tried more times in my short life than seems possible to me i do not care for myself maybe that is why i hurt myself so much and put myself in so much danger.
i put my stress levels high and make everything around me harder and more painfull for myself what is wrong with me.
the knife cuts harder these days less blood runs from the cuts.
i try to stop, drugs have made me worse and even alcohol causes me to go insane least i am not going berserk like i used to now that scared me since my gbh charge i have not lived my life as normal maybe its cus i was forced to live on my own away from my parents in a flat at 14.
damm i am still recovering from what i did. being alone 24 hours a day with only my violent games for comfort relli messed me up. my berserker side came back alot then id throw my knife at people for no reason im glad im ok these days. still cannot eat or sleep i sleep once a week for 12 hours and only eat about a samwhich a day iv lost no weight and the muscles i worked so hard to gain have not gone away i hope il be as strong and as fast in a fight as i have been in the past though iv lost my skill in Kung-Fu i will probly be able to survive my crazy cousins attacks.
the iron bar he likes to hit me with has some mean dents im lucky he is too stupid to put nails in. my cricket bat and even my metal baseball bat has not dettered him maybe i can use my gang contacts to get a gun. i hope i don't because the first thing il do is kill myself.
i wish euthanasia was legal in uk but i will have to travel to switzerland to have it done, its legal there shame i have none of my own money and my mom will never agree to it.
tht stupid b***h does she not know my pain
i cry myself to sleep nearly everyday
the nightmares have returned lately, in them im back at the time of my abuse
it pains me dearly i cannot be rid of it
it drives me insane to re-live it like this every night tht is why i do not sleep
maybe that is why i cut myself, to be used to pain so i cannot feel it
i have learnt to become numb to emotion all i feel is anger these days
anger just anger that faithfull friend that has seen me throw away a punch that would normally floor me. to give me strength and speed to fight when i would normally crawl away into a tight corner. no-one bothers me anymore i reckon my family are scared to come in my room.
they say it is took dark and cold in there but what do they know!
stupid f***s they should know me better by now
and so everyday kills my soul a little bit more
at least i have no more abuse but im isolated and msn allows me to block people i don't like
i have seen the world for what it truly is and i can't take anymore of it
i have not the courage to end it. i am weak and useless i cannot even die even the sleeping pills cudnt kill me, they have been took off me now no more dreamless painless sleep for me now just the agony of 5 hours before the reliving passes then cold sweats and anger and panic attacks
i have vented all i can i have no mental energy left to type even though there is much more
ah i guess im not able to do anything right now im eyes swell from the tears and my lungs burn from being out of breath. my heart longs for love but i have none no-one loves a kid like me
i guess i shall play my games for they are the only things that cannot leave me i put too much trust in people when i know damm well they will betray me.
thnx for the time and space to vent i needed it

I'm not sure whom I should address this letter to...
I guess I'll address it to me...

Dear me,

You have good intentions, but just accept that not everybody click with each other...
So, when you are reaching out with the intention to help and to be there for someone, also keep in mind that you are an unstable and imperfect being, that although you wish to have a pure heart you have your failings as well, and that you don't have the power to change things or heal someone or help someone...only God has the power...
So if you feel like you're not clicking with someone, if you feel like they'd rather not be helped/cared by you, don't get hurt or anything, just let it go, give them their space, and be happy in your own space...After all you're not good at reaching out anyway...accept your shortcomings but don't get discouraged...
And after all, people will be fine in the end...They have the strength to live...just as you do and you are fine right now...It will all be OK in the end...don't get worried, you worry too much...Rather...take care of your own life since you've got loads to take care of, and it will be fine...

With love,
from me

Dear me,


STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID IDIOT! SNAP OF IT! It's enough tha tyou think you are what you are, and might be what you are, But CALM DOWN about the Other new issue! It's not important... Bah! Why do I bother.


With Misguided love,
Me.

Dear Pizza Places,
WTF with pizza places that don't allow online ordering??? I can't talk to you over the phone!! ! You have essentially barred yourself from ever seeing my business. WE ARE IN THE YEAR 2000's, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR NOT HAVING ALL YOUR PLACES UP TO SNUFF WITH THE ONLINE ORDERING. And Dominoes, why do you have this BS street address filter, MY ADDRESS IS VALID, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FORCE THE ISSUE!! !

What could have been a customer, now just pissed off.

To the writers of Il Manifesto in Italy,

Stating that the shootings on this university's campus were as "American as apple pie" is vile. No, vile is an understatement. Even Iran, often touted as one of the United States' biggest "enemies," sent a letter of support. You smug bastards are enjoying this.

You have used this tragedy as fuel for political rhetoric. You have cheapened the memories of all who lost their lives in this horrible event. You are, in my mind, far worse than even the shooter was. He went so far as taking peoples' lives. All that is left of them is memories, and you have tarnished even that. Death is far too nice of an outcome for you. I hope the rest of your lives are a living hell.

Don't ever, ever set foot on this country's soil. If you're lucky, you will merely be harassed. If you aren't, you will be brutalized. I will have no sympathy for you if such a thing were to happen. You missed the point. Coming together after a tragedy, that is as American as apple pie.

-shadexiii

To all:

Don't lose hope.
If some things go downright miserable, others must go perfect.

~Adrian

dear _______
counselling was good today, it relli helped last 2weeks has been hard, i havnt gone to my youth clubs at all and counselling wrnt on for 3weeks. feels strange im getting help from this autistic place for my apprenticeship not sure wether accountancy or I.T shud be my option computer programmer seems to be a good job that i shud aim for. who cares 5 years is along time i might be dead by then. seems most likely an I.T apprenticeship will be offered to gain my NVQ level 4 equivalent to a degree + i get paid for it where-as at uni i wud end up with loans, stupid idiots with an apprenticeship i do less studying get a degree and work experience + a referance wat do they get ha! pushed into drugs just a degree no work experience and loans where id be earning 25k a year on my apprenticeship and earning up to 140-150k when i qualify.
just so god dam fustrating 5 years is too f****n long!!

anyway sumthn is bothering me. sumthing i keep thinking about. sumthning i remember every time i wake up. its the picture of me as a 10 yr old. reminds me of sum1 i loved.
junior skool 7-10 best years of my life partly down to sum1 in particular.
George i love u. why did you move 100+ miles away. your stupid parents i blame them for it.
3 years we were in love. your were my first kiss and we cuddled every break time we spent practically all our break times together. even then we knew we were gay and knew we were in love why did it end. but i cannot let it go, the love we had is still too strong even after 6 years i cannot move on i cannot love any1 else iv lost my sex drive because of it im not even Asexuall anymore. why did your parents never let u out to play i cud never understand it.
why did you always have a black eye and so unhappy. i made you happy and you made me happy 2 abused kids that made friends and fell in love. it makes me cry as i sit here longing for u.
i looked forward to seeing you everyday at skool i went to skool to see you and to be with you.
when we lefted junior skool and u moved to yorkshire i felt like my heart had died.
i miss you! i miss you!! but you will never come back.
you have left me and i feel my heart is broken in 2.
maybe 1 day we will see each other maybe 1 day my heart will again be whole.
i scribbled on my skool books "i love you" and we used to laugh together how we always used to get into truble for it. in fact i think the only time i laughed was when i was with you.
i remeber more about you each second i think of your names and i still rmbr your smell and your taste and your laughfter and your cute face. when we left juniors we stopped seeing each other. the skool was the only place i cud see u as your parents didnt like you having friends. those bastards i would slaughter them if i cud and free you from their vicious grasp.
but i know not where in yorkshire you are i cannot even remember your surname, my memories fade with each year. year 7 was tough for me at 11 i had no friends and was still suffering from loosing you. only now after time and effort hav i "friends" i can love. 5 years it took i do not blame you for this. i would not need others if i had you. only just in this past few months have i been able to get help from my mom only now does she truly start to understand me.
if after 5 years since we left juniors you still rmbr me i hope some day we see each other again i pray and hope with wat is left of my heart that the day comes swiftly before i give in.

Dear Mother,

I'm really sick of writing letters to you, especially since I know that it makes me seem childish. But here I am again.

What gives? You promised me that I could dye my hair - with all of your stupid stipulations, which, for the record, are inane and pointless, but I followed them anyway - and unless you "really didn't like it" I was allowed to do it again. As long as I paid for it. Which, by the way, I did.

So I dyed my hair and it looks nice - everyone else has said so, even Dad and he hated the idea orginally, thanks for noticing - and you even said that it didn't look that bad. And tonight, when I brought up the issue of redying it because it's turning brown again (yeah, use the fadeout so I can keep the blonde highlights that I really don't want), you said that you wouldn't let me. Because you hated it...something which you never said until tonight.

And I'm really rather pissed off right now. How dare you lie to me? If you hated it from the beginning, you should have said something. At least then I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up so that you could shoot them down again.

Actually, I don't think that you really hate it, at least not the way it looks. What you hate is how it makes me seem. God forbid you don't have a perfectly normal daughter. I know that you all ready despise the fact that I'm not "normal" - I don't go to dances, on dates, call/meet any friends, and I hate going to social situations. I'm sorry that I'm not the daughter that you wanted.

You wanted a daughter who was perfectly normal, doesn't stand out at all. No, you even hate the fact that I want to go to an Ivy League college. You would rather have a pretty daughter who was average intelligence - Bs and Cs - and had lots of friends, and whose greatest ambition in her teenage life was to settle down with a movie/rock star (no, scratch the rock star - that would scare you) and have lots of adorable little kids. And you could show her off to all of your friends, and she would smile and be charming and lavish praise on them both in public and private. And she would go to prom and have a date and you could show off all the little pictures and croon and smile.

But instead you have me. And guess what? I'm dark. Get used to it. I loath your friends, I'm too mature for the majority of people my age, and I have no desire to be pretty for you or whatever. I want to be a forensic profiler, and that makes you angry too, because that's not a suitable job for a girl. And God forbid I do something other than be a secretary or whatever BS you expect me to do.

Oh, and coming down just now to inform me of all the things I need to save up for - a car (which I don't want, and if I go to college in/near NYC I couldn't use anyway), the art trip for this summer, and college (which, I'll note, you never get tired of talking about how we can never afford it and how I won't get scholarships, despite the fact that I'm in the top 5% of my class and am in every class that I can (and one that I'm not supposed to) take) - was the most pathetic argument I've heard your spout out for awhile. Like you care. You're just trying to find more reasons for me not to dye it, especially one in which you could justify telling me how much you hate me.

I'm tired of you nagging me. I'm tired of you always putting me down, even and especially when I tell you that I really do need help. I'm tired of you thinking of every way I suck. I'm tired of you pretending that you're perfect. I'm tired of you talking about how depressed people are stupid and weak, especially when I'm almost certainly depressed myself. I'm tired of you ignoring all the signs that I try to put out.

I'm just tired of everything, and I want to die. And I'm sure that you wouldn't be hurt that I died - oh no, you'd be hurt that I screwed up your reputation.

Because how would that reflect on your mothering skills? Since those are obviously so much more important than I am.

Sincerely (and ignored),
Heather