Verbal Communications Differences and Difficulties Sticky

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How do you get from point A to point B without verbal capability? I need to be able to run a business if I am to succeed. The only person who helps me has also sabotaged me on a continuous basis. I'm helpless, defenseless and that isn't something to be scoffed at. I haven't had any real help, only hindrance. I shouldn't even still be here. I really am tired. I don't know where I'm going to find the willpower. The system is a joke, a fallacy. I don't have that sort of insurance. They have harmed me too. I want to disappear, evaporate.

Give sign language a try maybe.

I'll be like fifty years old in a couple weeks and I have a lot in front of me that I need to learn at University in order to advance my skills. I just don't know how I could fit in sign language and advancing age isn't making those sorts of things any easier either. I wouldn't expect people to listen to me signing any more than they listen otherwise when I try and speak. I will push my way through these problems though one way or another and it's definitely a good suggestion. Thank you Jak.

http://www.neo-direct.com/intro.aspx

^ Above is a link for NEO & DANA. Thank you, so much, for what you wrote Meadow. That you wrote that shows you positively DO communicate! Don't cry. Meltdowns are the worst and I know one cannot think optimally during meltdown. You'll feel better soon enough. You'll find a way.

Even Jak wrote sign language as an option - that can work too. About telephone conversation; you could get TTY (commonly used for the deaf). Or maybe just write, for explanation, that verbal communication is not your preferred way and that your accommodation be acknowledged. Your local ADA can implement this if you need for work or related.

Meadow, consider Stephen Hawkings, for example. His communication is limited but in another way. I communicate to others but sometimes always through conventional means. Even Helen Keller really showed her talents! This last week I read Kant (the philosopher from 1700s) since my high school teacher had me read his writings - he's still very meaningful to me. Then, I learnt fairly recently that Kant was most likely on the Autistic spectrum and this is certainly evident. One from my University had noted this too.

Kant went through an 11 year period of no speaking in his career! But look of his contributions.

Really think those ASD individuals (& that includes those of us Aspies too!) that have verbal differences, to whatever degree, have special needs that can be otherwise ignored. Autism + sensory has made great strides in understanding by others but communication maybe not so much. And that can be very isolating and an invitation to being excluded or even bullied.

I would love to see such a forum.

My son has Aspergers and is verbal, but I have many friends who have children with autism, some of them non-verbal or reluctantly verbal. and from our perspective we're eager for any clue we can have as to what that child needs or wants.

This kind of forum could help immensely.

Help not only the mothers, but the children who, being so young, probably don't understand yet WHY their parents don't understand them.

Those of you who have trouble with verbal communication could, through this forum idea, help another child out there who also has trouble,

So, yes please!

^ And this is our forum, right here! Just another facet of the Wrong Planet. Hopefully all Wrong Planet inhabitants feel welcome to post their insights about Autism-related communication right here.

Vivienne - thanks for posting. If you'd like, invite your friends to post their experiences and concerns right here - they can all read what's already been written and add-on.
Good this particular *sticky* thread is evolving, just like the Wrong Planet community is growing; we are the Culture of Autism.

I am as same as you I have a lot of problem in communications, I have meltdown every day, every moment I wonder that there are some people around the world who have the same disability like me, because I find speaking as easy as breathing for others except for myself, all the people tease me for that , I can’t solve this riddle, in spite of having intact hearing my speech is terrible , I review my life from where I am now standing to the birth, I haven’t say even some sentences or tell a memory or joke without having barriers in my talking, I know if one of you see me you will realize your condition is much more better than me, at my work my boss in front of others tells me : How quiet you are , tell something , he says:“I sometimes here the walls ’ sound but you are more quiet than this wall”! ! And the other said “ it seems there is a shell around you. have you ever had even a friend in your life?! Or in parties ( actually I don’t go to parties, wedding parties…. Just family parties, once a year if my parents insist). And the host and gusts tease me, all the time they say “ tell something , why you are reserved. I don’t know exactly what is wrong with me. This is they way I am I can’t change any thing. I was born with it. It really influenced my whole life like my other autistic traits.social skills play a great role in human beings life.I lack it I understand importance having it. I know others don’t like me I can see hate in their eyes because I am not one of them. my life is far off a normal life, this life with this quality doesn’t worth having. I can’t say every thing is ok when its not when I every day encounter a cruel rejection. I just hope it passes as soon as possible.
excuse me for my statements, I am a very disappointed girl.

Anahita,
I understand. Is English your first language?

People use to say those kinds of things to me but now I have become isolated for many years because of all the stressers both in my personal life and on the outside as well. It took me many years on a keyboard and my speech has much improved but it is still mostly worthless. I suffered a brain injury when I was born which left me with more severe autism I guess than some who can speak and use language better. I have to work hard to work out what I want to say in writing. I don't have a supportive environment, at least emotionally, though I have some financial support which I'm grateful for otherwise I could not survive at all.

I can speak when I know ahead what I want to say. In social situations it's very fast and there's no time so in those situations I'm always quiet. I understand what you're going through. It's really hard. I'm sort of living on the fringe of being able to survive because it's so emotionally painful. I understand all the feelings. I cry a lot, every day. I have no one to turn to either. The only person who supports me is emotionally cold and when I don't do what they like is overwhelmingly cruel and says thing like Satan to me. It has nearly destroyed my mental health on top of it all. I'm very close now to getting some outside help and support but not quite there yet because I'm so broken down emotionally and afraid and don't know how to be strong enough to do what I have to and if they fail me again whether I will be able to survive it again. I'm here where I belong but have no one at all to turn to. It's so complicated there are no words for it. I really needed a supportive family but I didn't have that either so I was dependent on strangers and it hasn't been good though they appeared to be. I'm very confused by my situation. Someone who can be so incredibly nice, though incredibly superficial, and then when I meltdown, is so incredibly cruel in response instead of helpful. I'm not fit for human contact at this point.

I'm not in the best of shape emotionally. I have to get stronger but I would be glad to talk with you. I'm sorry I'm a total disaster and really need to get help. I want to get stronger so I can have the normalish life that I know I'm capable of and am entitled to. I believe I can get there but I'm so broken and damaged it's scary. Do your family support you, help you?

The pressure has forced me to work very hard. But it has also taken a tole on me. I'm sorry my words aren't likely helpful. I don't know how to do those social things well at all. I hope you can keep writing here. I'm having a hard time with this though. I don't fit in with people out there or in here either. It really stresses me out. I have been through too much and can't hardly handle anything. Or I say the wrong thing when I do try so I always fail at it in one way or another.

Last edited by Meadow on 27 Dec 2009, 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you LabPet for what you wrote and for the link. It's meaningful and I understand well what you're saying. I'm in the middle of an emotional crisis which is taxing me right now. I will get things together and hopefully be in better shape in the near future. Thank you so much for creating this space for us. When I start school I know I will really need it too. Thank you

LabPet, I'll state for the record that I've often been seen as being not good at words from the written standpoint,In fact I've often been treated as if I was mentally ret*d for not being very good at putting my thoughts into words and all though, I find it quite relaxing to be in this particular place where you don't have to go into some lengthy exploration of thoughts simply by writing it all out.. I hope this has been helpful?

No, English is not my first language I definitely have many mistakes in using vocabulary and also grammatically!

I can never speak easily even I know what I want to say. It seems my brain can’t arrange the words to say sentences correctly without a pause and tongue-tie. My speech is now worse than previous. in talking things must be coordinated (eye movement, sound mode) my brain doesn’t have this ability. I confuse by things and events and so I can’t get what is happening around me(a foggy brain), consequently have no idea to express it by words or may be I feel I inconvenient in social situation, and my silence is the result. I don’t know it is because of my high depression or absolute autism. At least you're communicating through writing . I cant even do that easily.

About my family(mother, father, brother) , they are very kind, the only thing in life I can proud is having them, but they can’t decrease my discomforts.

For English not being your first language, your writing communication is very good. I'm sure it will work much better for you in your original language too. I have been on a keyboard for almost twenty years and it has helped me a lot. In social situations it is the very hardest with verbal communication because anything goes and I can never anticipate what the discussion will be and is even harder that way in finding a way to speak or keep up in a conversation. My skills are breaking down quite a bit from what they used to be but I think it's abuse and trauma related so maybe this will improve again. I had my fears about it but I'm trying to be hopeful and stay optimistic that it won't continue to deteriorate. I can appreciate your frustration very much. Some days can be harder than others. I'm also fifty years old so I have had much more practice perhaps than you have. Things can and do improve but it takes great effort and lots of time. It isn't easy. We struggle and suffer but we can find our own way. And we can build our lives and be happy too. I live alone and I wouldn't want it any other way but I also get lonely and suffer this way with my predicament. Most days I just do all I can to find the good but it isn't always possible. We can only do the best we can. I'm sending courage and strength your way. Build on what you have. Develop your skills and talents. Don't push yourself to speak if it isn't comfortable for you. It may seem like it but being verbal isn't everything. I have been living in a vacuum and just now trying to step out even though I am older. There have been many setbacks, hardships, obstacles and challenges. But I live and now I want a little more. I want to also thrive. Keep reaching out when you can and know that we are here for you.

You bet you're helpful - more than that; you're contributing. And of course no need for lengthy exploration if you don't want. I am verbal but do prefer to write than speak or other forms. I guess there are plenty along the spectrum for which being NV, to whatever degree, manifests in myriads of ways. Some of these ways are indeed very beneficial - most of our great producers aren't so verbal and to think, in terms of math, science, the arts, etc. means without that verbal chit-chat!

I've met those who are (Neurotypical) who are chatty chatty chatty. That doesn't impress me much. Unless they have something to say then oftentimes best to not! Although much social activites hinge around that chit-chat, I personally don't have much interest sitting in a knitting circle and gossiping about so-and-so's ex-sister-in-law and who makes more money, shoe shopping, etc.....sigh. No offense to those who do, just not my thing.

In some ways, this is a strength. But certainly acknowledged that many can and do suffer as a consequence of 'not being able to put the words together' or perhaps more importantly, just not being heard! The latter is not fair and why what is written here, like ProfessorX, is so important! And many other dilemmas of communicating; that anahita's first language is not English is certainly a factor - and valid for anyone (ASD of not) where they're speaking in a 2nd language. Whole different thing for those who may have other comorbid factors, such as one here who has had a TBI, for example. Whole different set of circumstances but with the overarching theme that causes communicaition difficulties.

Even those with cultural differences. The Autistic Culture is different. So is the Deaf Culture. We have similar difficulties. I come from a fairly reserved culture (with Autism as a factor!) and one feature is that I'm not 'touchy feely' and prefer to not shake hands when I met another. At someone's home I am highly respectful of their privacy and wouldn't think of saying "Show me your home-office" since it's ingrained in me this may be intrusive (unless I know someone quite well). But for others, they're really open / assertive and would proceed in being more exploring with near-strangers. I'm not. For me, shyness is a huge factor too. I'm leery of strangers.

I honestly do not know much about speech therapy and related but there are WP inhabitants who have expertise in this field (I know at least one who's posted on this forum) who know. I'm not really in the category of needing speech therapy but instead may need acceptance of different ways of communication (and probably lack the confidence to 'just say it' anyway).

Meadow has good ideas - maybe just rehearsing would help! If you could have to do this with, I bet that would help, a lot! There's nothing worse than having a judgmental narrow-minded individual who's ready to mince and critique! But certain verbal individuals will take advantage in this way. I've used the term "verbal rape" and this is descriptive - seems like that's what some others here are alluding to as well.

I genuinely do not believe that speaking is compulsory. Billions of people on Earth can not convince me I am wrong.

Regarding sign language-

Good luck with this, it is more difficult than it may first seem.

I taught myself some sign vocabulary through books and videos, but I have no working knowledge of sign as a language. I do not know any Deaf people, or any other sign language users. The experience of learning sign language has to come through spontaneous interaction with others using sign language, and that is where I am severely lacking.

I am not eligible for sign instruction through the NHS, and can not finance a BSL course myself. The cheapest option is a year’s evening classes at a cost of £250. I just do not have that kind of money to spend, even though the difference made to my life would be enormous.

I came across a piece of advice that seemed relevant to my situation: BSL is not a version of English, it is a completely separate language and culture, and in an environment where the majority of people are using spoken English, perhaps it would be more convenient to use SSE (Sign Supported English). SSE is not a language in itself, it just seems to be a visual version of English, with some of the beauty lost. I have been using only written English for the past few years, so SSE seems like a step forward, even though it is not BSL. I think of SSE as an incomplete but necessary interim until I have enough funds to pay for BSL tutoring.

If you are interested in BSL may I recommend this book: Start to Sign http://www.rnid.org.uk/shop/publication ... tosign.htm it is difficult to convey movement accurately in a photograph, but this book is very helpful in that it puts all the handshapes used sequentially/simultaneously in the top corner of the photographs. Purchase of the book also includes access to videos on the RNID website, so you can see the movements. Plus payment for the book goes towards supporting the RNID.

There is also a fairly regular Yahoo Group http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Britis ... eLearners/ for people based in the UK if you are interested.

Hello everyone,

I have been searching the UK markets for DANA type devices. My conclusion is that they are really expensive here- it is sad that AAC devices are sold as though they are luxury items.

Here are a couple of links to interesting things I found:

Toby Churchill’s “Lightwriter” (I would really like one of these):
http://www.toby-churchill.com/en/content/lightwriters-0
but they cost a staggering £3,200 each

SpeechBubble- a fantastic idea, currently a research project I think, but well worth reading about, it may emerge online in the future:
http://www.ace-centre.org.uk/index.cfm? ... 573C6EAC3E

Thank you for the links. They will come in handy I think.