This could all be over very quickly.

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KL;

Thank you again for updating this thread. You do have people that care about you, there in real life, you've mentioned therapist, psychiatrist and 12 step fellowship friends. Here on WP, a different real life??, I am sorry you are hurting, and it is evident others here do continue to wonder, think about, send good thoughts for, pray for you.

I am sure a whole different discussion could be made on whether your chemical imbalance led to addictive behaviors or if life events (you mentioned abuse) changed your chemical balance.

Again know that your life is valued and thank you for continuing to fight for yourself.

I think that, if my life is truly going to improve, I need to work towards a spiritual and emotional divorce from my entire bloodline.

I am obsessed about how they have hurt me, and that is not doing me any good. At this point, it is just me reminding myself, and they do not need to harm me any further because I am doing a good enough job at that without their interference.

I need a tougher skin and the ability to not give a damn about what they say or do, for I have enough problems of my own without inheriting theirs.

It is up to me to forge my life the best way I can. And if the best way I can involves not caring about what my family thinks about me, so be it.

Do that by all means. Many people have had to do just that (essentially cut off from their families) in order to break free from their past and become emotionally strong and move on.

Y'know, I feet a sense of vast liberation when my mother or grandmother calls me and I choose to just let it go straight to voicemail. I don't mind that my mother is following me on Facebook, because I don't post anything truly or deeply personal there whatsoever.

They clearly resent that I am now enforcing my personal boundaries, which causes them to attempt to violate them more aggressively, which causes me to resent them even more than what I already do. If they cannot learn that I have to be my own man, if they are so narcissistic that they feel like my life would not be complete if I don't live with their fears, insecurities and delusions, then I am better off discrediting their words and actions for the illogical BS that it all consists of.

If your family is stalking you, maybe they actually do care about you. Are you avoiding them because they are overprotective, annoying or are they the kind of parents that seek to pick on you?

I have nothing else to say at this moment except for this - Thanks to all of you who helped me through a dark spot. Sincerely. I have nothing but respect for you.

KL;

As envirozentinel likes to say we are like a small community and we take care of each other. And I like that you are reaching out to others who are struggling with those dark days themselves. One day at a time.

Don't give in to someone because of something mean they said.

It's easy to take things too personally but we shouldn't.

People create their own realities. Yesterday during an online Scrabble game I played a bonus word for over 100 points (reexpose) and the other "player" no-played me, accusing me of cheating. Cheating just because I spotted a good opportunity to score and used it? I felt upset but realized that some folk get paranoid and think everyone's out to screw them over.

I'm truly glad you're moving forward, one day at a time.

Well emotional capacity is something that varies from person to person. Some are very emotional and will take insults and bad remarks seriously while others (such as me) have it very easy to ignore certain remarks and not have any hard feelings.

Getting free of alcohol is no small task but it does pay off in the long run. I was drunk for over ten years. I fought away my few friends and married an a-hole. I too had settled on the helium exit bag but switched to starvation at the last moment. I am around three years sober now and getting my mind back is the best part. When I was drinking it seemed impossible to ever live without alcohol.

It does get better and you will be glad you did it. Stick it out and see. I am sure other people that got hooked on booze and got away from it will tell the same truth. It gets really good to live with a sober mind.

At first, not drinking felt like I was walking down an interstate highway with nothing on and everybody was zooming by all comfy in cars blasting me with filth and noise and ignoring me. I thought, "If sobriety feels like this, I want none of it." I kept walking. After a while, I just felt bare and weak without the noise and filth. I kept going. My mind grew sharper and people couldn't push me around so much. I feel strong enough to do this. I kept going. I feel my own car around me with more control and power than I imagined. I kept going. I can now see and think better than I have my whole life. I am now comfy with sobriety and I am going to keep on going. I still think about drinking but I now know what the true cost of it is. I had no idea what I gave up while I was drinking and now that I can see it and how long it took to get it back, I will not let it go again.