I wish I was dead

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I'm sorry you're stuck dealing with this crap. All of it.

EVERYONE has baggage, and none of it is fun.

I have ZERO advice to offer, as I've had to cut the vast majority of the serious hard drug addicts I love out of my life because they've degenerated to the point that they're a threat to me and my kids.

I can offer you hugs.

I'm not angry now. I was just at first. Now the idea has sunken in, I feel a little calmer about it. In actual fact, my boyfriend hasn't heard from his son for a week, even though the son wanted to move in right away. Maybe he picked up on my boyfriend's anxious vibes and got second thoughts. Or maybe he's found another person to sponge off. He is the type to say one thing and do another. But there's still the possibility that he could knock round at any minute with a pile of stuff. demanding for the spare key.

My boyfriend has OCD; likes everything in place all the time, even lines everything up in a certain way in the fridge, so I think having his son living there will disrupt his comforts. I'm rather easy to live with, but he knows his son isn't.

Compassion is great, and all that. But I've learned from hard experience that there are some people who don't give a s**t about themselves or others, will not do anything to help themselves, not even half as much as some of us on here who daily struggle to do "better" in life with A LOT LESS compassion given to US.

There are some people who struggle in life but are trying to be good people who still try to do their best anyway.

And there are some people who are darker than that and drag everyone else down into their hell.

Sick of the virtue signalling of some people who are trying to be saintly.

I also don't like tone of trying to draw correlation between a hardworking ASD woman who hates her job but does it anyway and puts in her hours while wanting to be a homemaker when she marries, and a guy who has a history of not wanting to work at all.

Trying to shame Joe by pointing out she's the same person? No, she's not.

It looks like BeaArthur was implying that I am a self-centered hypocrite with no empathy for others. I have already explained that I don't want to interfere with the situation too much because it's not up to me. But both myself and my boyfriend know that letting the son move in will not be a good idea, because the last time he lived there he smashed the place up in a drug-influenced temper, so he went back to his mum's.
I've only met the son twice, and he isn't on Facebook and I've not got his number. The only times he sees his dad is when he wants money. Otherwise, they're not close, and he doesn't really care about his dad or his feelings.

And I'm the selfish one.

Drug addicts are dangerous because they'll do anything to obtain their "fix

I mean....ANYTHING.

I'm with you, Joe.

In my personal opinion, you are not being hypocritical, self centered or lacking in empathy. I think you are actually being smart enough to see just pure trouble when you look at it. Many of us are usually the opposite -- completely gullible, and then get a nasty shock when we find out that our empathy and kindness has gotten us screwed over by a using, manipulative person to whom we gave the benefit of the doubt.

Better to be safe than sorry, and preserve the calm and safety of one's home instead of learn the hard way that you have brought chaos to it.

And it counts for a lot that it's not just you who fears that this situation is not a good idea. Even your boyfriend, the guy's father, knows it's a bad idea and shares your doubts. A previous stint of his living there ending badly. He knows his own son and even he has misgivings on the wisdom of this going ahead.

I think people have the right to refuse further help to a person who has historically abused the same help in the past, and who may cause distress and destabilization to the situation into which he comes. And who has other options (as in this case).

And kraftie -- exactly!

Drug users usually have "connections" in their life whom you do not want around. There's no telling who this man will invite around. Deals can go bad, people can get hurt. These are the worst case scenarios and may never happen, but still if it were me I would simply not want to even start down the road of taking that chance.

When a situation is making you wish you were dead, I think it's always healthy to consider alternative ways to handle that situation. No apologies for suggesting some. Joe, I don't think you are selfish, but I do think you agonize a lot about situations in your life that trouble you.

BirdInFlight, you and I have a long history of not getting along. Please be careful you don't allow your antipathy for me to poison a thread. Seriously. You could simply say "I disagree with what BeaArthur said" instead of penning an impassioned character assassination.

Well I'm sorry but I do have anxiety disorder. And wishing one was dead isn't always to be taken literally, it's just how I felt at the time. I do tend to overthink things and certain things make me overanxious. I do have Asperger's, ADHD and anxiety disorder. It sometimes makes things in life seem daunting, what may not be daunting to others.

(WARNING: THIS COULD TRIGGER READERS INTO MISERY)

Yeah here's your mate, I don't have all the problems you listed, but I wish I could rip out the AS and otherwise mentally affected parts of my mongy brain (such as anxiety, marked dyspraxia and my obvious mild but still horrific schizophrenia spectrum-like traits) and burn them to nothing. I don't even have to suffer my family or friends or anyone else telling me how useless and worthless I am, I know and feel it myself, and have done since I started actually SEEING my (diagnosed in 2000 aged 12) AS and symptoms and behaviours but not being able to do much to prevent them and my degenerative brain working the f****d up, abnormal, weird mongy way that it does (since 2007, aged either 19 or 20), and nothing that anyone does or says will ever change that. I don't even WANT anyone to understand or empathise anymore, and I balk at the mere thought of sympathy, no matter how much it looks like that is EXACTLY what I want, it isn't, so, no offence, and in all due respect, thanks but no thanks, f**k sympathy. I don't deserve it anyway.

I feel guilty feeling like this cos I know I have people who love me for who I am and that there are people with much less than me and are suffering much more, but I can't stop it, and I even feel like I don't deserve and am not worth loving and even wish that no one would ever care about me ever again, even to the point that my death would not affect ANYONE in ANY way. I do love my loved ones and don't want them to be hurt, particularly not by me, especially seeing as I'm not at all worth that, not at all worth anything, and I don't want them worrying about me, both in a loving, caring and "I'm not at all worth that or less than that" way.

Occasionally I feel I have to open up about this, but please don't take that to mean that I want any sympathy or attention (anything written after "Here's your mate" is to anyone who will bother to read this, and if you read this far then you are something else, don't ask me what but I don't mean that in a cruel way, well except against myself). Nothing that anyone does or says will make the blindest bit of difference to me. Anyone who cares enough to try, thanks in advance, but save it for someone worthy, cos tomorrow, the next day, and every other f*****g day after that, I will still be this.

Thank heavens for alcohol, particularly vodka (and sometimes lager but more the former). Unhealthy I know (and IDGAFS), but if not for that I'd be insane or dead by my own hand or by the provoked-by-me hand of a nutjob who kills for fun.

I wish travelling back through time existed and that I had a T.A.R.D.I.S or access to one so that I could go back and stop me being conceived, therefore completely wiping my entire existence. I'm sure it wouldn't change the course of history if I could and did

I hope none of this self-piteous, woe-is-me SHITE doesn't trigger anyone

PS I know this is NOT a competition, I am not trying to compete.

That aside, in this video:

https://youtu.be/kimPUWSwxIs

The face of the man (Scouse actor Stephen Graham) sitting in a wheelchair with a bandaged head at the end tells it better than all the words I can use. He looks EXACTLY how I feel, everyday. Not literally ALL the time but close