Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Snozzyberry:

It has nearly been six months since we have parted ways. While I am doing the best that I can to move on with my life, a part of me is very sad about you choosing to reject me completely. I know that being around me must have been torture for you since it would appear that you did not really want me as a friend to begin with. That is okay because you have a knack for being a bully and a hussy. In fact you are up there with my childhood friend who I told you so much about. In fact both of you are insecure guy crazy women. It would seem that all you wanted was a guy on your arms so you used me until you got him. Then if what was not enough you used the rest of the time to get your sweet revenge. This was while you lied to me about how you loved me like a sister when you really did not.

I know that after talking with other people about what I saw, I don't want you if you don't want me. So go drama somewhere else and get some help. Oh and you can take that other lying slut with you.

Dear you,

Please stop trying to get me to dance. I know it's my favourite tune, but I can't concentrate on my work if I'm arsing about.

Anyway, I'm still not your friend.

From me.

Dear You,

I'm just in a tough space right now. It's not caused by you, but I must admit I wonder if I'm talking to the person I think I'm talking to. This is not helping me out, and I need some time to myself. Just be you, and don't let me come in the way of that. Thanks for putting up with me.

Bye

i_w_b

Dear you,

Thanks for the choc ice and the Bacardi Breezer.

I'm glad you're leaving though, I don't think we ever really hit it off.

From me.

Dear ex-NT Partner

I'm truly sorry it didn't work out.

You asked me to be more communicative with you, but I really truly, honestly was communicating with you to the best of my ability. I tried all the exercises and tips and tricks given to me by the various councilors - but in your eyes nothing changed. My AS makes my mind a messy place and I realise just how little emotional intelligence I have to enable me to articulate the type of communicate you demand from me, Your resentment and anger towards me during the major recent upsets in my life coloured all your interactions with me - at a time I needed more than anything for you to be understanding and not hostile... and I needed to be touched and held by you... But you couldn't do that,

You needed me to have the same sexual libido as you, but I can't - just can't - live inside a sexless marriage where the rare instances of physical intimacy we share, you are only into it 1 in every 3 encounters. I need you to want to be with me, to need me as much as I need to be with you, I need to touch, I need you to enjoy the emotions as much as I do when we are together, I need to be close, I need you to be one who initiates occasionally, I need with you much more than that. I lost that essential connection to you that kept the love alive. You became a room mate. A friend without benefits. You told me it was totally up to me to woo you... but maybe it should have been more of a 2 way street.

I hated the bickering between us, and I hated my meltdowns due to many of those arguments. More than anything I hated our children seeing it. You would shout and show so much disrespect towards me... both in your tone of voice, your posturing and subject matter... so condescending, treating me like a child and talking down to me. In front of our children!?! I needed our children to experience a calm and happy family life, but they weren't seeing that. It was unfair to them. It's unfair for them to see their parents arguing and to see their father in the states he was reduced to. I tried so hard to hide my negative AS traits from our children, and you were making it harder and harder to do so.

I didn't feel welcome in my own home. I didn't feel like a good father. I didn't feel like a good husband. I didn't feel like a good person.

It didn't matter how much you tried to make it all pretty... the home... the outward image of our relationship... it felt like a facade, a mask... a mask I could no longer wear. Despite what I said, I do still love you - but I can't live with you anymore.

I hope one day our children will forgive me for leaving you. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. I didn't want this for them. And despite everything in relation to us, to the kids you are an amazing mother. I can't ever fault you for that. But you and the kids will be better off without me on a day to day basis.

There are times when I hate my AS. And right now I hate it more than anything. Perhaps, like so many other people with AS I know, I am just better on my own.

Deleted.

I miss you

Go dtí go gcasfaimid le chéile arís, x

Some things are always a struggle. Thank you for everything.

I have no idea why my brain still gives a f**k about you.

Dear *me*,

**I** believe in you. You know your mind. I know it's lonely, but you will get what you want, so long as you keep doing what you're doing. I hope you get there, and the family doesn't bring you down again. I know it's hard, but you need to keep at it.

I wish I could say more, but I don't know who's watching. I hate her so. I hate being used. It makes me an object in her eyes. It's hurtful, and it disgusts me that she trys to evoke sympathy out of me. I will continue to try and be who I am without her holding me down, and trying to change me. She just wants me to be nothing, or a thing with ASD. She doesn't like who I am, she never has. She blames so much on my AS, rather than herself. It's easier to do that than for her to face her own fears. She is incredibly selfish.

It's hard to keep myself going, when I don't get any advice from anyone and I have to figure it all out myself. I realise I HAVE to do it all on my own, but still. I've never been taught how, and I've always been discouraged.

Even if when once I get there, I find no-one...I'll be in a better position to pursue my hobbies, which will keep me going until my life ends. I may as well make the most of my life, rather than being in hiding and afraid. I don't actually need anyone...though I crave that *connection* with someone.

Dear you,

I think you're a prick!

From me.

Dear you,

You should know me better than that. You aggravate the dickens out of me sometimes, but you're always a comforting presence. I just don't know what to do sometimes.

From,
a friend

You're a bunch of tightwads!! ! You know that? A bloody bunch of tightwads! You give absolutely terrible deals. I'm not a bloody big company. I'm not a company at all. I just want rid of my things for more than a f***ing fiver. Jesus, people.

it's been exactly two years since we first watched Spirited Away together. remember that? on your couch, at your house? and we went to get ice cream afterwards and go to the park?
i know you don't.
i almost forgot, fortunately. my brain and i getting over you. about f**kıng time.
but still...i like your hair as much as ever. remember when you shaved it?
you still haven't dyed it white.

I wonder if you have a child.

It didn't seem like you, but I also wonder if you became typical. Kid, husband, house, job, and you know. That's one thing I think you always overlooked; you were more typical than you thought (which isn't a bad thing).