Rants

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Joined: 29 Oct 2011
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20 Oct 2015, 9:11 am

Everything is a goddamned obligation.

Understanding their goddamned world is an obligation, which they take for granted.
"Following" them is a goddamned obligation so they would just stop whining about me doing ANYTHING at all!! !

Then the next thing I knew they're whining about me not doing anything. They all asked what the **** I want, HELL NO NONE OF THAT MATTERS!! ! IT MATTERS WHAT THE **** THEY WANT AND I GET NO ANSWERS. It's their "logic", it's their "sense" therefore, it's "correct". HAH!! !..

Want me to talk, then telling me to shut up. Want me to do something, ends up complaining about it. They ask what the hell I want, no, they expect what I want is what they want.

I swear someday I will find a way to hack this culture.

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Noca
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22 Oct 2015, 11:14 pm

LivingInParentheses wrote:

I don't care what people think of me but I DO care how they treat me.

I really like this line. I never really thought about it that way before.

LivingInParentheses
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23 Oct 2015, 6:18 am

Thanks, glad you like it.

I've been telling my kids for a long time now (usually when referring to teachers) - you don't have to like them, but you DO have to treat them with respect. I think that's important to keep in mind for every human interaction.

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kamiyu910
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28 Oct 2015, 10:27 pm

I am not well. I am very not well. I give up. Screw it, I give up. I can't take this anymore... wtf. Why does this keep happening to us... the world is crumbling around us and all I can do is try to patch it up with duct tape but I've run out of tape. I can't do this. There's just too much and I just can't do it anymore...
We're so screwed.
My brain is just no longer comprehending anything.

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auntblabby
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28 Oct 2015, 10:35 pm

kamiyu910 wrote:

I am not well. I am very not well. I give up. Screw it, I give up. I can't take this anymore... wtf. Why does this keep happening to us... the world is crumbling around us and all I can do is try to patch it up with duct tape but I've run out of tape. I can't do this. There's just too much and I just can't do it anymore...We're so screwed. My brain is just no longer comprehending anything.

there's no sense in trying to figure out the world outside of our own little world. just concentrate on one's own little world, just figure out today, not to worry about yesterday [can't go back and fix it] or tomorrow [not happened yet], just today. just make your today as good as you can make it, then leave it at that. this cuts things down to a more manageable level.

kamiyu910
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28 Oct 2015, 11:14 pm

auntblabby wrote:

kamiyu910 wrote:

I am not well. I am very not well. I give up. Screw it, I give up. I can't take this anymore... wtf. Why does this keep happening to us... the world is crumbling around us and all I can do is try to patch it up with duct tape but I've run out of tape. I can't do this. There's just too much and I just can't do it anymore...We're so screwed. My brain is just no longer comprehending anything.

We have no money, we're behind in bills, I go in for surgery tomorrow, and my husband got shafted on his paycheck again and yeah. The house is a disaster, our water heater is still dead, our car needs tires... It's so hard not to think of all this, especially since we can't see a way out without me getting a job. And I don't even know if I can work anymore. I didn't exactly do as well as I'd like to think at my only job I've ever had....
I keep trying to empty my mind, but the anxiety and depression are just beating me to death.

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auntblabby
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28 Oct 2015, 11:52 pm

kamiyu910 wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

kamiyu910 wrote:

I am not well. I am very not well. I give up. Screw it, I give up. I can't take this anymore... wtf. Why does this keep happening to us... the world is crumbling around us and all I can do is try to patch it up with duct tape but I've run out of tape. I can't do this. There's just too much and I just can't do it anymore...We're so screwed. My brain is just no longer comprehending anything.

We have no money, we're behind in bills, I go in for surgery tomorrow, and my husband got shafted on his paycheck again and yeah. The house is a disaster, our water heater is still dead, our car needs tires... It's so hard not to think of all this, especially since we can't see a way out without me getting a job. And I don't even know if I can work anymore. I didn't exactly do as well as I'd like to think at my only job I've ever had....I keep trying to empty my mind, but the anxiety and depression are just beating me to death.

I'm sorry you are having to go through all this.

I will pray for you and yours. power to you for your surgery. when I was in the army there were days I had to take things not just one day at a time but one minute at a time, just let me get through this next minute, again and again. sometimes one has to take things in those little bits, as bigger bites of life are unpalatable. it is a manner of getting through the day.

kamiyu910
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29 Oct 2015, 7:16 pm

auntblabby wrote:

kamiyu910 wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

kamiyu910 wrote:

I am not well. I am very not well. I give up. Screw it, I give up. I can't take this anymore... wtf. Why does this keep happening to us... the world is crumbling around us and all I can do is try to patch it up with duct tape but I've run out of tape. I can't do this. There's just too much and I just can't do it anymore...We're so screwed. My brain is just no longer comprehending anything.

We have no money, we're behind in bills, I go in for surgery tomorrow, and my husband got shafted on his paycheck again and yeah. The house is a disaster, our water heater is still dead, our car needs tires... It's so hard not to think of all this, especially since we can't see a way out without me getting a job. And I don't even know if I can work anymore. I didn't exactly do as well as I'd like to think at my only job I've ever had....I keep trying to empty my mind, but the anxiety and depression are just beating me to death.

I'm sorry you are having to go through all this.

thank you

I'm very drugged up right now and it's allowing me to not care so that's a plus. I have to remind myself that things can go worse and that there are people in our lives that do care, we just need to swallow our pride and talk about it. Damn our pride... we cannot be superheros (at least not all the time

lol)

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auntblabby
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29 Oct 2015, 8:43 pm

kamiyu910 wrote:

thank you

lol)

aren't drugs GREAT? :hic:

kamiyu910
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29 Oct 2015, 11:35 pm

auntblabby wrote:

kamiyu910 wrote:

thank you

lol)

aren't drugs GREAT? :hic:

It's really sad how well I can understand why people get addicted. I want to be very careful and not let myself go down that road, but yeah. I love not caring right now. And what's sillier is that I re-calculated our finances and we're a bit better than I expected, in that the end of the world scenario I was imagining is laughable... the brain is so evil, making things seem so much worse :roll:

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auntblabby
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29 Oct 2015, 11:47 pm

kamiyu910 wrote:

to make sure my finances stay tenable, I cut everything I do down to the bone in terms of essentials only. that means no cable, no high speed internet, no restaurants/movies, not driving anywhere unless essential [Saturdays to get groceries in town], taking care of my health so as to minimize medical expenditures. am prepared to eat only rice and beans if necessary. wear thick clothing to keep heating costs down. helps to tell one's emotions to take a number now and then.

as for numbing ourselves with drugs/drink, I'd be down that road if only drugs were easier to get in my neck o' the woods and if only my body would tolerate alcohol, I'd be forever into the sauce if it would :hic:

but it doesn't so I must stay sober and less than jolly

some laughing gas would be nice :drunken:

xile123
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29 Oct 2015, 11:54 pm

Does anyone hear get extremely irritated by noise here?

Im dealing with it right now and I want to $%T% punch something or someone. morons in this household always making loud noise, having no consideration, their stupid sloshing sounds of saliva, the slapping of their shoes on the ground, every tiny little noise i cant stand it i want to kill something.

auntblabby
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30 Oct 2015, 12:14 am

xile123 wrote:

similar to me, you are a good candidate for hermithood out in the forest.

xile123
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30 Oct 2015, 1:07 am

that's what i hope to do some day. i just need to learn to be more self sufficient.

auntblabby
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30 Oct 2015, 1:10 am

I guess I stumbled onto it.

Grammar Geek
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06 Nov 2015, 3:14 pm

Why do I have to keep living like this? I hate my life and everything about it. Everyone else has a ton of friends, and I'm always the outcast. "Join clubs," they say. Oh, I've done that. I'm the outcast in those too. The only friends I have are from high school, and they live four hours away. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do to get a friend. Just. One. Friend. My therapist said I can pass as a neurotypical when I meet people, but there's obviously something about me that sets off their radars without me saying a word. If I use logic for anything, I receive puzzled looks and, in some cases, ridicule. I have to do things the nonsensical "NT" way in order not to be labeled a weirdo. I don't understand this world and what is required to be friends with someone.

And don't get me started on relationships. I've never been on a date, while everybody younger than I has probably been on hundreds of them. I want to go on a date, I want to experience love, but I've never been given the chance. My OCD makes me unable to let this go, and I obsess over it almost every waking minute. Why was I given this disorder? What did I do to deserve it? I'm tired of hearing my peers constantly talking about their girlfriends or boyfriends, and I'm tired of crying almost every night out of sheer despair. I. AM. SICK. OF. LIVING. LIKE. THIS.

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