Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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You

I'm not opening any more of your nasty letters.
Get a life, you shrivelled old dragon.

Me

Dear brother,

Why do you have to stick to a schedule?
Why can't you be more lenient with me?
Why do I never get what I really want when it comes to family?
I almost always have to wait for what I want.
Usually, I have to get away from you all.
I hope you all learn soon.
It's not a good thing for me to be hurt like this.
Grow up in your hearts.

-me

You didn't "clear the air", you opened a wound that is now only covered in scar tissue. A place where I can no longer feel for you. A place that will always be damaged even though our friendship moves forward, this numbness will always exist.

Other people have feelings, believe it or not. We are not experiments you can use to test how you feel. We can get broken in the process. Maybe so badly that we never heal completely.

I still don't fully trust you, but this is too good to let go of. Always remember you are now kept at a safe distance. Like a fire, like a flame, that won't go out, on a cold day, in a cold life. A necessary, controlled hazard.

Around you my heart is wrapped in PPE. It will never fully be yours. You were careless. And caution is advised.

If you work out who I am, please feel free to read my posts. I wrote how I truthfully feel here because I didn't know where else to put it. I needed to be heard by someone who understood. People here kinda understand because of the spectrum difficulties even though they don't understand my actual circumstances. Yes, I know, the whole world can log on and read what I wrote, but I couldn't process things. I couldn't cope. Writing things here really helped me sort through my thoughts.

Goodness knows no one in real life understands. Sometimes I feel like my issues just get swept under the rug. I was always just meant to grow out of being awkward, well, I'm doing better than I ever used to, but it's the romance aspect of life that completely evades me. No one in real life cares about that. It's all just meant to "happen". It's just something that is just meant to come along.

No one cares about us "single" people. Things just worked out for the couple's, so we must want to be alone, they think. We're too much outside of their realms of experience to give much of a passing thought to.

All I ever wanted was to be loved. You don't know me well enough to know my family situation. I often felt that my Mum didn't even like me. Weirdly she's been a lot nicer to me since I told her about what happened with you. Yeah, that's how upset I was, I told my Mum who I never confide in.

Yes, I swear too much. I'm trying to curb that.

It still hurts.

You're a real piece of f***ing work aren't you.

The gay sex affair we have no judgement about. In fact we believe N would have suffered a lot less stress (and subsequently wouldn't be in hospital with a stroke atm) if he was openly gay to begin with.

Evidently you're a lot more manipulative and deceitful than I ever thought anyone capable. First your dad is dead in order to extort money out of N, and then he's alive in a nursing home to extort money out of N. Don't get me started on how many times you faked suicidality to get what you wanted out of him (usually a bill paid for you).

I'd like to think you'll leave him alone if he becomes permanently incapacitated, but a part of me suspects his lesser faculties will just make your games easier to play.

We've been babysitting his phone btw, and watching it like a hawk for messages from you.

I think I've lost my anonymity.

I have things I need to throw away from me and I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do.

Dear Summer,

If you could please end and take the sunlight with you, I'd be most appreciative.
Enough is enough. Bring on Octvember.

Blinded by the light,
Isabella

Dear You,

You brought it on yourself, so you have no one to blame except yourself. Maybe you'll get another chance somewhere else. If you do, remember that we tried to tell you how act more responsibly: No stalking, no staring, and no comments about women's appearance and "attributes". Just show up on time, do what you are hired to do, keep quiet, and stay out of trouble. No call-backs or requests for references, please.

Me

Dear Shitehawk

You stole what we worked for, you dangled the carrot and then stole what I pushed myself beyond reasonable limits for.

I hope some day I can find forgiveness for my own sake.

Me

Dear you,

I'm very sorry to hear that.

I would send you a hug.