Rants

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I'm fine and fully acknowledge my negligence, my mistakes, and incompetence. I will take it and learn from it.

But to justify those faults to my 'case' is unforgivable. Maybe it'll be different if you didn't knew. It'll much better if no one had to know.


Yes, I'm an aspie. I accept that I'm an aspie, along with it's burden and privileges, it's blessings and curses.
And I refuse that contributes that label on my performances. If I'm incompetent, then I'M incompetent, but NOT because I'm an aspie.
Unless you are asking me to feed you lies under the guise of fulfilling your desire and concerns, then all the same you are still trying to fool yourself.

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It would be nice if someone called to see if I am alive instead of call and beg for money...

I guess I am no more valuable then what the government says I am worth which ain't much.

i hope you are well, dcj, and gave the knocker NO money.

good for you, dcj.

That is depressing,

I have an entire box of meds and nothing helps

I just realized I am drugged to oblivion (legally) and it doesn't get better. I am honestly thinking about getting off all this crap, I don't even know what it does and they don't either. Seems just as unsafe if not more then low level street dealing to me

Maybe I am over thinking this, I guess I'll continue to take it... maybe...

FML and social skills,

I am out,

Not going to therapy when I am suppose to

You know, therapy would probably do me some good if I could do it over skype and not have to be in the room with someone. I wonder if I can ask for that, all they can do is say no and we had one scheduled session in a psych ward across the street from her office lol

It's not when you told me that I'm a "selfish, self-centered brat" that upsets me, because I already accepted the fact that NTs will foolishly assume such, along with other foolish assumptions.

What upsets me is when you compare my life to anyone.
'Oh, this guy had it worse! You should be grateful'. 'Hey, I worked my arse my whole life, unlike you who have it all'. 'Hah! You should be like that (wealthy and famous person)! Blablablah'. I don't care what defines a strong or a weak person. I could care less about one's misfortune and blessings.
You're NOT encouraging me sympathy. If anything, I wish for antipathy more. And stop projecting yourselves on to me. I'm not you, and I'm not them. Heck, I might even be happier on a less fortunate life!

And no, don't judge me for assuming just because 'I don't know how was like!' because you don't know what was like to be 'fortunate' either! It's no different from forcing me that a social life and fame would make me happy, which isn't.


If you wanna know what my wish is, then I wish to be an enigma who doesn't exists. So I don't understand why would you make me choose between a less fortunate life from what I have right now! Because it's almost the same to me -- the worries and struggle of one or another. The only difference is what defines as easy or difficult. And I don't want it!

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I exist to cry,

Cooking = Crying
Wii = Crying
Posting online = Crying
Minecraft = Crying
Arch Linux = Crying
Cutting myself = A whole lot of crying

I am literally broken

I am going to go cry to my Wii

^ watch you don't get dehydrated.

I'm not having any more chemo.
Since the last lot, all I've been able to do is lie on the couch and be hospitalised for phantom strokes.
This isn't living.
They tell me I will die without the chemo.
Then they tell me I will still die with the chemo, only it will take longer.
f**k the lot of them.
I'll just die.

f**k the system
f**k the government
f**k your parents
f**k your religion
f**k your car
f**k your house
f**k your pension
f**k your wii
f**k your president
f**k white
f**k black

Just f**k it all.

Love you Raleigh

Sorted.

I usually use my Wii to F it all

TRIGGER WARNING

I just need this negativity anywhere but in my head.

Had a breakdown this morning 'cause apparently I hadn't eaten enough and I've been doing nothing but crying all day.

I hate meltdowns like this, they suck

rarely have them, bad

my mom is yelling at me 'cause she's under a lot of pressure
and I don't like all this hostility and it's bringing back bad memories and I'm scared

I don't wanna go back there, I don't want this,
I thought we were past it,
I don't want this to happen again

I wanna be able to cry without someone yelling at me
I'm gonna be glad to leave home