Rants

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I HATE THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM COMPLETELY, I HOPE EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WORKED FOR THE SYSTEM AND DOESN"T REGRET IT BURNS IN HELL. ITS NOT A ONE SIZE FITS ALL, WHY GIVE PEOPLE ACCESS TO THE PHONE BUT TAKE AWAY ONES ABILITY TO TEXT? ISN"T THAT ABUSIVE FOR THOSE THAT CAN"T TALK ON THE PHONE. f**k THEM ALL, I HOPE THEY DIE.

"We want an environment that is free of distractions"

KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT WHILE YOU MAKE ZOMBIES OUT OF EVERYONE BUT EXPECT THEM TO KEEP UP WITH WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. ITS f*****g BULL s**t, THEY LET BLIND PEOPLE WEAR VISUAL AIDS AND THE DEAF HEARING AIDS BUT WE CAN'T ACCOMMODATE PEOPLE THAT DON"T WANT TO TALK? ANTI ANXIETY DRUGS ARE BAD BUT THEY HAVE NO PROBLEM f*****g DOPING PEOPLE UP ON MEDS THAT USUALLY END UP IN CLASS ACTION LAWSUITS CAUSE THEY ARE f*****g PEOPLE UP.

This may actually be a good exercise for me because its reminder then I am not evil, the mental health system is.



I AM THINKING ABOUT CAUSING A CODE RED UP IN THIS b***h.

They have changed the interior of the local supermarket and now I cannot find anything
and the aisles are not straight any more but run diagonal, so I got lost

One of the main failures of stratedgy is without the backing of reason behind it.
In order to build on existing alliances, you have to defend that alliance first, so employing a Red Cross foreign nationalised stratedgy might secure more numbers and, reduce the impact of the large scale evacuation of a war which has cost a lot of lives and further destabilised a country.

Crazy drivers in my town lately! I need a car cam like they have in Russia, because you drive that nuts! I love to drive and love the independence it gives me. I'm not looking forward to ending up in the hospital in a million broken pieces!

Too many meetings! How am I supposed to get any work done when they schedule all these meetings? They told me off for not accepting the email invite to the next meeting. When it was sent I was away from desk because I was at one of the previous meetings.

They expect me to read my emails as soon as they come yet don't account for this expected compulsive email reading in the time allotted to complete my tasks.

They said the Adelaide division has done very well and made a huge profit but they can't give any of us a raise because the divisions in other cities have made huge losses. They're not even keeping up with inflation. I'm grateful they paid me a bonus but the taxman takes a big cut of it.

I don't know. How the hell would I know! You are asking me if what the plummer recommended is ok with me... eh Yeah I guess so...

And what if it turns out the smell isn't completely gone when the renovations are done? You put the same stained boards back after looking under them to see if the leak had gone further down. What if the smell was in the boards???

The solution the plummer suggested sounds cheaper then what was planned, I wonder if I will get any deduction in the bill.... PROBABLY NOT!! ! No that is money straight in the pocket of the firm.

It's a good thing I can rant freely here. I don't want to start arguing with these people already

To my Toastmasters Club:

Please be more organized! It was fine when I first got back after 16 years gone to be in a relaxed atmosphere, but now that I'm starting to really move forward, the lack of organization is a real barrier to progress. If you get your act together, there will be less sniping and infighting.

I hate my life
I hate everything in my life
I hate myself
I hate what I have done with myself
I hate everything I represent

I wish the ASPCA would stop broadcasting those terrible ads depicting instances of animal abuse and neglect. I can't watch those ads or those horrible animal hoarding shows.

..... Still thinking about the electrician.... I have a VERY short fuse when it comes to violations!

I REALLY wish I could hurt myself bad these last two weeks

The only reasons I am not is I am considered how my family would feel if off myself around Christmas

God let me last until the new year

I want to remove my eyes and light my arm on fire and stab myself,

I am not worthy of a peaceful end, I want to feel every step of this exit like I have felt the foot steps of everyone around me. If I wasn't worth anything to anyone else then why should I have value to myself? I don't hate them so they wouldn't hate me without reasons and they have reason, everyone has reasons. These character witnesses are valid and I don't need a f*****g jury of society to tell me how worthless I am. f**k it, lets get on with this s**t, sentence me to death already, I want to feel all the pain I have caused others, I want burn in it. Cutting myself is not enough, nothing I do is enough. There is no way to fix this problem but to eliminate the source. I am the source of this pain. Everything I touch dies and I can't take it anymore, no one loves me because I am undeserving of love. I deserve death

I feel so lonely and afraid right now...

A thought came to mind last night, it gave me so much nerves, I went to the bathroom so many times, I was freezing and that gave me just a little relief. I can't call anyone because of christmas to hopefully resolve it. I have to wait several days. I haven't eaten for a long time, I couldn't eat if I wanted to. Just the constant pain.

I'm not in control right now. Several thoughts came to mind last night, how could I have forgotten these things. They are more important then the things I have been focusing on.

I have so much I need to get done, but I'm so alone and there is no meaning. If I trip, I'm afraid I will just keep falling...

I don't want my neighbours to hear me crying, I feel so ashamed. I cry/scream into my duvet.

I'm sorry I hope I don't bring anyone down on Christmas

I don't think writing here really helps. It's just a desperate need to be "seen". It only helps temporary, and then it's the same all over again.