Rants

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There is no way I can feel less lonely,

I am not even human and I remind myself of it every time I cut myself.

I am going to cut myself for every person I have ever known between now and the end of the year...

I would like to die in a ditch like my best friend from college told me too but I haven't f****d myself yet and there was an order in which to do things...

Hey I have a f*****g great idea, why don't I go be homeless and think about the human condition and maybe f*****g starve while I am at it. That'll totally solve my f*****g problems.

Why don't people think before they tell people what to do?

Why don't they go and sleep on a cardboard box with their stomach hurting in 15 degree weather with torn clothes and think about the human condition. I bet they won't tell people to do that again.

Happiness is weird. Once you've been out of it for a long time, it feels strange being in it. :O

It doesn't feel right.
When one thing becomes your status quo, you don't want to leave it.

Is it strange to want the turmoil back? Is it strange that there's nothing to keep life exciting?
Nothing to cry about? Nothing to talk about?

Just the normal... s**t, and I can be calm and merry?

It feels so strange! It's not right!

I need to learn to not cry so easily, and to not get upset when people aren't even trying to upset me.

I don't want to return to my old "status quo" of five years ago, doing a whole lot of nothing with my life. I love my life now and want to keep going forward.

Thank you, Kazanscube. You are a nice person and a good writer. You always have interesting things to say.

I can't wait for this horrible Christmas and New Years to be over. So that there will be a solution to this electrical problem/challange in my apartment, and I can finally rest about that.

It's stupid to get that much anxiety over something that is probably easily solved. Well I guess some of the anxiety is related to this holliday in general, and to loneliness.

^ Yeah, life would have been easier though if I wasn't so afraid of everything.

^ Yes, it's actually quite certain that our lifes will contain quite a bit of both emotionall and physical pain. Maybe even more the more we dare to live. I think I have a low threshold for pain.

Lets have a bucket of truth here,

I don't know how my mom would consider shutting the door cause, I did not care to have her act in an obsessive -compulsive manner by checking my garbage to see if I've actually consumed food is completely absurd.For crying out loud I'd never starve myself, as my state of mind is not that messed up. My mom has never been able to see that she acts in such a way though my sister and other persons have noticed this behavior pattern for years. Just like the notion that my mom has that drinking wine does not whatsoever make you a drunkard(buzzer sounds).Actually, you can be drunk from such depending upon the volume of wine you drink in a 24hr period i.e. drinking a whole bottle of wine in a day.Anyways, I'm doing my best to get Joan Crawford off my back.