I keep hitting my head and face.

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My family tells me negative things and i believe them. thats why i think that.




After making that last post i went directly over to my friends house and spent the whole day there. She explained that i only thought i was doing bad because my family tell me negative things and i believe them. She she said to walk out of the room next time they are talking to me that way. I also shouldn't feel bad for walking away because they are the ones being mean me to me.



No way I would ever leave just- you . He was the only person In my entire life who has never abandoned me. the only person who took the time to care for me, even when that meant having 2 hours of sleep for weeks. He has never been mean or rude to me , even when i've been to him. He even forgave me for things i couldn't forgive if they had been done to me. He is really the only guy ill ever be with. He is the one!

That being said. I just found out i can visit him in England for as long as i want and still get dissablity. They even said i can move there. so Perhaps we can get engaged and live together. We planed on getting engaged next time we see each other.




this is what i'm working on now. Its the hardest thing. I'm trying.. If it means putting some weight back on from binge eating then that is better then hurting myself. I also do running but it is not enough. But I'm working on finding a good healthy was of dealing. In the mean time i have my friend and my boyfriend to call anytime i need them.


I just got that today. I found out me and my boyfriend will be able to live together. this is a miracle for me. Ive wanted this most of all. Also just being able to visit him is a huge deal its like winning the lottery. I'm planing on going to see him next summer so that is something to look froward to.

I'm going to stay for 4 months.

I had a very good day. The lady at McDonald's gave me a free drink because she thought i was nice.

I also may have made a friend on the bus.

i think things are getting better for me its been a really good day!

Wow!! !

That's the kind of post that makes my day.

One of the main reasons why I write about aspergers is that I was getting sick of all these neurotypical doctors doing tests on different people and writing emotionless reports about how ALL aspies are X or Y. I wanted to get some information out there from an aspie point of view - but I also wanted other aspies to both agree and disagree with me.

We're all different.

There is only one expert on YOU - and that is YOU. Other people might say things because they have "freedom of speech" but that doesn't make them right. You're the expert on yourself and while they're entitled to hold their own opinions, nobody could possibly have the same internal knowledge as you.

Ignore what your parents and others are saying - you already know that their lives are less than perfect. You know that you're better than this and that their opinions don't mean anything.


I'm so glad about just- you. I didn't mean that you had to leave him and my comments were intended to make you think about how you can fulfil your dreams. I think you need to give your relationship a big push. You can't leave it the way it is because it's too hard to have a relationship when you're in different countries. If you can make it work - now is the time.

I'm also happy that you're trying to find alternatives. Binge eating is ok, really. It's better than hurting yourself and better than a lot of alternatives like drugs and alcohol. Really. People often look a lot prettier with a little more weight on them anyway - well, that's my opinion but I believe it's shared by at least a few people here based on polls I've seen in the past.

Take care.

Thank you gbollard for your response. And thank you everyone who responded. You all are so helpful to me when i am sad. Thank you so very much, all of you!

I just noticed that your age says 122. Is there any significance attached to it?
Keep up the progress!
I am currently working on that slideshow of the dog pictures. I will send you a link when I finish. I hope it cheers you up a bit.

No reason for the age. Well I guess it fits with my avatar. My avatar is of an elf and they are supposed to be immortal so i think the age fits the picture.

I really just put it like that to make myself smile.

I look forward to seeing the slide show! I know the pugs are so cute!

I was wondering if i can get some sympathy hugs from you guys. I have just been informed i have 2 bulged disks in my back and one extrusion ( worse then a herniated disk) . So my back is shot. Luckily I'm young so i will probably not need surgery but it still hurts.

I just cant believe all the medical problems Ive had this year. I just had a surgery in may and now i find i have a broken back.

I never had any problems until i started seeing doctors. So it must be the doctors fault. lol

Well At least i can still make jokes about my problems. But this means i need to spend less time on my pc. I could use some sympathy though, cause it kinda sucks.

Thanks for caring guys. Don't worry I'm not as depressed just in a little pain.

Youch... you're way too young to be getting back problems.

I'd give you a sympathy hug but I'm not sure that it wouldn't hurt your back (just kidding) <<hug>>

Have you tried getting a bit of physio or even acupuncture... I don't know how effective they are with bulged discs but those things sometimes make my back feel better.

In any case, don't let anyone operate... It's sooo dangerous..

Hope you feel better soon.

I just started birthcontrol yesterday morning and now im freaking out. I'm ocd'ing like crazy, having a massive melt down and feel messed up.

I have severe depression and i read the packet and it says not to take it if you have that.

I'm really freaking out cause of it.

It's good that you noticed the label, just stop with the birth control for a while until you find a safe method. The effects will wear off with no permanent issues.

If your boyfriend is in another country, surely there's no need for birth control?

In any case, there are male means of birth control which are fine. If a guy isn't respecting you enough to use his own methods, (ie: expecting you to take drugs for "his" comfort), then he's probably not a guy you should be getting involved with.

There is birth control for guys? Or are you talking about condoms.



I took the pill for my pms . My family were pressuring me too. I didn't want it ,but i tried it just because they keep telling me to try it.

I was freaking out all night and had to call my boyfriend to help me calm down.

My family are saying it's me freaking out. its not, its the pills making me freak out. I know its the pill. These side effect's are listed by a lot of people all over the net.

I'm frustrated by the fact that my family are always telling me to take some pills of some kind. I just want to be myself and that be ok.

I'm never going to be cured of my depression ocd aspergers and adhd. I am ok with that. and whall i may appear unhappy to them I'm doing much better off the meds then i was on them.

On another note.
I did good today. I wanted to hit myself and was able to stop myself. I am proud of myself for that. I'm trying to do more positive self talk and i think its helping.

On yet another note, I'm going the the chiropractor for my neck pain. They are also going to tell me whats up with my back and send me to a Nero surgeon. I hope i get a back massage out of all this.


I'm stressed but I'm trying to smile so thats good.

I'm also going to go to a physical therapist to help build my core muscles . this should prevent further damage.

I think i got this problem from heavy lifting.

Isn't there a risk of getting paralyzed later in life if i don't get it operated on? I think i heard that somewhere but I'm not sure how true it is.

Thanks for all the reply's btw.

I think that there's more risk of paralysis if you DO get operated on. My mother in law has incredible back problems now due mainly to multiple unsuccessful operations. The backbone is as critical as the brain and it's not surgery you should ever consider lightly.

Glad you're getting physio, you should find that it will help - at least in the short term.

There are various forms of male contraception, of which condoms are only one. (albeit probably the safest of the lot).

Instead of using the pill to counter PMS, consider other alternatives;

See: http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/pms/a/reducsymptpms.htm

In particular, note that it says...

Research has proven that you can reduce up to almost half of all symptoms (including mood swings, depression, and menstrual cramps) of PMS by simply consuming 1200 mg of calcium daily.

IMHO, a milkshake sounds better than medication.

calcium GREAT ADVICE! Ive started consuming calcium now to see if it helps.

I went to the chiropractor and they took an x ray of my spine and they showed me. It is shaped like an s. I have scoliosis. I'm surprised i never noticed my spine was not straight. But it does explain a few things. I often feel my hip bones are uneven and this may be cause my the curve in my spine.

The lady there said my back looked pretty messed up. its like a 40year old man's back. They asked me what trauma caused it . ("It" being the extrusion pressing on my spinal cord.) i don't know. I did get smacked around as a child and i did fall down some stairs and broke my leg in high school. I didn't even know i had broken my bone till about a month later. it didn't break in half , i just chipped some bone off. Now there is dent there.

I have a high pain tolerance so something caused this and did not realized it.

i just want to get better and i don't like something pressing on my spinal cord it freaks me out.

I DON'T NEED SURGERY!! YAY!! !! !

I'm going to get traction and physical therapy.

They said i have borderline carpal tunnel in my left hand. And another bulge in my neck. But thats all.

So i had a total of 3 bulges 1 extrusion, scoliosis and borderline carpal tunnel. But i will be ok dispite all of this.

LOL i guess i had a reason to be in pain huh....

I'm happy cause i was expecting bad news but i got good news.

Wow... Glad that your news is good (ish).

How did you get borderline carpal tunnel at your age? Are you on computers a lot?

Yes I'm on the computer a lot. Less now that my back is bad. But i think i got it from spraining my wrist. But that is only my theory.