I am repulsive

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Psychologists pretty much are all lame and I've gotten much better advice from just talking to my friends. And in my case, if you're alexithymic, you don't even know how to articulate your feelings anyway, thus making psychology useless. I was told for much of my life I was "depressed" when I was just rightfully responding to my situations. You can't just shape reality with your "feelings" alone, you can only shape reality by shaping reality. If things suck, then they suck. You gotta figure out a way to make them not suck. If you can get help from others to work towards things not sucking, that's great, but I find the psychology is just trying to brainwash you into thinking things don't suck. Much of the time things do suck, and your emotions towards the sucking are natural.

The only natural response to unpleasant things is adaptation basically a fancy term for "sucking it up" and "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps." You must adapt and overcome the circumstances at hand using whatever means at your disposal. But I find psychological thought process of "Oh, pretend things don't suck!" is totally delusional. Psychology tells a man who's 300lbs "Oh, be happy with your body, you're just fine, and you're good looking!" when in fact, he's not usually fine and isn't good looking.

If you're unhappy with something, you must change it so you can be happy with it. I guess there's acceptance, too, but I find acceptance to be basically loss. There are some things out of your control, but what's within your control you should try to manipulate to benefit you.

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Anyway, for the GED, it's not too hard. You'd pass English reading comp, and essay, considering how you type on here. Social studies and science you'd likely pass, as it requires very little background knowledge and mostly is just reading comprehension.
Math only goes to pre-algebra basically. Hardest equation is like 3x + 5 = 11 , and geometry. Basically, the GED is on the level of a 7-8th grade standardized test. If you pass a GED practice test from a test-prep book or online or wherever, the real GED is easier, so you'd pass it.

I can't say you're dealt a good hand of cards in life, really. You're black and live in a city. That's a giant strike against you even if you're "NT" just because the environment is so crappy and the general culture there is totally atrocious. As I said in other threads, your AS might be an advantage, as you're not gonna be pretending to be a "gangsta" or a "thug" like your NT counterparts probably are, thus you might be more advantageous in the real world outside "the hood" compared to your peers. That's one upside to your situation.

In the end, you know what steps you must take to achieve what you wish out of life. You must fight. If there's something you want, fight for it. You probably will have to fight more than a normal person, but if that's the lot you're given in life, it is. You might even end up losing. But, you have to ask yourself at the end of your life, will you be more satisfied with yourself giving things a try and fighting, or simply giving up and guaranteeing loss? Only you can answer that question. I mean, for me, I've determined the consequences if I lose romantically are greater than the reward for winning, so I don't try. If you determine this in the rest of your life, then that's your prerogative, but you must make clear the reasons you decide to "retreat" and possibly have a contingency plan to go to "battle" in the future.

Lastly, does your Grandma go to church? For me, I found God and my church to be really helpful to me in a tough time. Of course, I had social problems later partially due to them, too, but they helped me through a tough time when others didn't. I go to a different church now, and they're helpful, too. I guess that's the "support system" other people speak of. Pray and see what happens, too. Worst that happens is nothing.

Oh well, here's to a new year.

+1. It's unfortunate because I, and I'm sure others here too, would love to see him get help. But unfortunately this is something he has to do for himself, no matter how depressed he is.

You need to understand our point of view though. This board is not all about you. We are a community and you have to consider our feelings about this too.

There are other people here though who are clearly tired of you posting the same things all the time. Yes, we *could* just ignore it, but it's obvious you need some help that no one here is trained to give you. You are very severely depressed and people on this board are concerned for you.

Although we are a support site, there is a big difference between us potentially helping a person who we think will accept our help and trying to help a person who refuses to change. And you obviously do not want to change. Thus, people will stop responding to your posts.

You really, really need to look for help outside WP. You need this help.

I don't know what answer you want us to give you, but we will keep saying the same things and you will continue posting about how worthless you are, and to be honest, no one on this site is going to put up with that. Everyone is frustrated here. This is an unhealthy pattern for everyone involved and it needs to stop. It makes me depressed personally to hear about people like yourself who are just crying for help and there is no way I can help them.

I think you should call your local Mental Health or Crisis Line instead of venting here. The counsellors are there to listen to you and will not be irritated with you.

You should also spend some time in a mental health unit.
There are people there who understand what you are going through. There are baths and showers there. You'll have a nonjudgemental place to vent.
And it is the ONLY way that your life will get better.

Biggest thing you can do if all you do is "watch porn and anime" is to stop those things. If you're not self-motivated, you have to force discipline by not rewarding yourself for doing nothing.

The whole GED thing is right--An english course would be beyond easy for you and the fact that you're aware of your problems and some of the underlying causes show an excellent reasoning and understanding of your weaknesses.

AS makes these things difficult--possibly VERY difficult--not impossible. For the record, if your saying you smell even "when" you take a bath, you just need to take a bath as often as possible. Soap, Water, or use some odor blocker bodywash (It works well enough).

Concerning the smell, it might be a medical condition if what he's saying is true. There's a condition called Trimethylaminuria that makes one suffer chronic body odor (usually but not always smelling like fish). There's also bromhidrosis, another chronic body odor condition.

But it could also be that you're delusional about the odor (look up Olfactory Reference Syndrome) - similar to body dysmorphic disorder but related to your odor.

This, added with mistreatment of my friends in his quest to be pitied yet righteous.

you've mentioned feeling suicidal before. If you are still feeling that way, call 911 and tell them that. You can even do it for free at a payphone. I'm not insulting you. The cops will come pick you up and take you to an emergency room where you will talk to a psychologist. You can then ask about how to get medicaid and other services. They are legally required to help you get what you are eligible for. They may also keep you a few days, get you a shower and maybe a shower and some new (donated) clothes, and give you time to talk. Will they give you pills? I don't know. They don't always do. Usually they are a tolerable place. Disregard movies, comic books, and video games. It's nothing like that.

then use that to motavate(SP) you. as people said your spelling is good (mine is horrable) so that shows atleast good strucure in you education. collage IS HARD but you have to stop your daily rituals and start small, study classes you know you would be taking first and gauge when you could start. if you don't know, you can get paid for going to school but i imagine your in my shoes in the sense you will need extra help. we have to try harder to get somethings......but trust me, it's better than games, porn and toons.

I think that the U.S. system is much worse than the Canadian system. So I can believe how hard it is to get help. College costs a lot of money and doesn't always provide the right accommodations, especially to someone with complex needs.

true......

This. I'm so so sorry for everything you've been through........... and I also need to vent about how much I hate myself and I suck a lot too so I understand it.

Another small thing to start with might be looking for a vocational rehab program (government funded) for people with disabilities. . This would help you find a job or volunteer position (if working isn't possible) that you could do given your skills and problems ect and the program would help you actually find the job. I don't know if such a program exists where you live but if so having even a volunteer position set up for a person with a disability will give you something to do and make you feel better.

Oh, the negativity...

OK, clearly, you view yourself as a useless, fat, disgusting slob. In middle school and high school, that's how I viewed myself too. Then, one day, I decided I was f*****g sick of it. I started running and working out, I started showering and using the right deodorant and cologne, and I started forcing myself to do something every day that I was good at. Is my life today perfect? NO... far from it... but the point is, I DID SOMETHING, and I no longer consider myself to be a useless, fat, disgusting slob. Granted, I never had the financial or parental issues that you've had, but the rest of it sounds incredibly familiar to me from a time past... the bullying, the loneliness, even, occasionally, the suicidal thoughts.

I'll leave you with this: running and positive thinking are free. Deodorant is cheap. Getting out of this rut that I was in and you clearly still are in is nothing short of priceless. DO SOMETHING. You'll be amazed what it will do for you, even if you aren't immediately successful.

You probably stink because you have a skin fungus. Uh, go to a f*****g doctor?

. I think people in this thread are being harsh telling you that all you need to do is take advice and you will be ok. I can understand your pain man. Not everyone can get a girlfriend easily. If you are really as bad as you say then yah it will be tough for you. I've been to an aspie group and I would say the people there were high functioning, but I'd be shocked if they ever had a gf lol. If you claim you are low functioning then yah it's likely in combination with your other issues(if true) that you won't ever get a gf despite effort. To be honest though, you aren't LFA if you can type so coherently. If you are misinterpreting your level of autism you are also probably misinterpreting your scent and ugliness. Post a picture, I've seen members claim to be dog ugly and while they werent models they were only slightly below average or at least average and im pretty picky when it comes to that.