I hate myself

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what did you post?

What health problems are you having?

In a previous thread, I sent you links to step-by-step instructions on how to bathe properly.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUjh4DE8FZA[/youtube]

chronic constipation for the past 3 years, I've had to use laxatives nearly everyday since then to counter it. Within the past 2 years I've had frequent problems with my heart whenever I'm constipated, such as having a mild heart attack last February. Doctors checked my heart but couldn't find anything wrong.

My heart rate is up just about always with my left arm going numb constantly, but I haven't been back to the doctor since they told me there was nothing wrong.

Within the past year, (don't really know to explain this any other way) I started to actually feel feces going through my intestines(?) on the left side of my abdomen. It's like there's probably a big blockage that my body is trying to force the feces through (probably where the strain on my heart is coming from.) What's blocking my bowel movements? IDK, maybe cancer? Probably from the fungi growing on most places on my body.

Also within the past year I've noticed that I'm tired alot, and I'm sleeping much earlier than I used to. I have problems breathing regularly, and have aches in just about every part of my body.

Having an infected ingrown toenail probably doesn't help matters either. I normally try to soak every other day with Epsom salt, but it seems like the infection is spreading through my leg. I can feel sharp pain often.

It just a somber feeling that I'm going to die w/o experiencing any joy or happy moments for the most part.

I won't have any friends, I will have never dated, kissed, gotten married, had sex or kids. I would have never went to prom, club, or a party.

Will have never been to a concert, never been snowboarding, etc. I will die alone, depressed, and miserable.

MR20, I don't know where you're from, but I am just as miserable with my life as you are. I don't know if it will make you feel better or not, but when you feel really miserable, just think that there is another person alone in this big social world just like you.

I found I am s**t at making friends. I was only diagnosed with a mild form of AS, and I don't really consider myself ''Autistic'', and so I thought I was quite good with interacting with different people, but I am not that good. I have self-awareness, so I know what I am doing, but no matter how well I contribute in a conversation, how witty my banter is, how happy I can be with other people, how much I smile, make eye contact, no matter how well I can ''read'' non-verbal cues, no matter how well I can listen and empathise, there's still something about me that doesn't seem quite right, and so I still get rejected or humiliated, and other people are always better than me (or so it seems). It seems socially awkward NTs that I have met still seem able to put themselves on other people's wavelength most of the time. Then I worry and think ''what if I'm not on anyone's wavelength?''

I try to get out there and make friends, but I just accused of following or being too demanding. People act like they like me a lot, they hug me, they want my number, etc, then when I try to make an effort by wanting to chat to them, I kind of pick up on ''will you go away?!'' signals. And there I see other people always with their friends and practically live in each other's pockets, and they never get told to go away. Yes, I know people might just be hugging me and getting my number because ''they want to be polite'' or ''they feel sorry for me'', but how am I supposed to know that, if they act enthusiastic so much? If I didn't want to be someone's friend, I try not to act like I really want to be. I just be civil but not get myself too involved (like not giving them any contact numbers), and if they become too demanding, I just back away, even though it might upset them slightly. But usually when I don't want to be friends with someone, it's for a good reason, not for a silly crybaby reason like ''oh she's a little bit socially awkward, don't wanna be friends with her!!''

Sometimes I am so disgusted with how the human mind works. Then people wonder why Aspies like me and you feel so miserable.

*hugs*

What is your diet like?

Do you eat fiber? Veggies? Fruit?

Do you consume grains? bread? - if so - stop.

Can you get the toe looked at? I have honestly never heard of an in growing nail spreading.

get checked out sir.

Sorry that you're going through these things. Sounds like a lot of stuff I've dealt with in the past. People who are only nice to you when they want something.

Otherwise, they act so cocky, arrogant, and superior when around other people/friends. Often ridiculing and using put downs to us "inferior" people.

Please read this post I made over a year ago. It's similar to some of the things you're going through: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt182422.html

That guy is one of the single biggest reasons I feel the way I feel about myself today.

your diet is shite

so shite its making you incapable of the basics.

change it

Yeah.
That type of diet will just make depression worse, too.

Your diet is exactly what makes people depressed. If you want to feel good again, you have to cut down on all the junk food and start eating healthier.

There is so much you can do MR20, even if you only start step by step you will see changes almost instantly.

I'm sorry....but this thread has disturbed me greatly for days now and it inspired me to post this:


http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt223194.html

There's lots of YouTube videos out there for "how to shower"... for girls - with freepin' loofahs, poofies, perfumes and junk...

I'm tempted to somehow make a basic hygiene how-to guide for young men who grew up without fathers to teach them how. That's an alarmingly fast-growing group.

Not bathing for weeks at a time is only going to lead to discomfort, gross rashes, fungus, horrible smells and being ostracized by humans. IT WILL NOT BRING THE DEATH you hope for...

Ironically, you want humans to accept you. Cleaning your body properly & thoroughly, putting on clean clothes then leaving the house will upgrade the response you get from strangers - instead of revulsion and hostility you'll be treated with indifference/neutrality. A HUGE IMPROVEMENT! Then if you act friendly, they'll likely be relatively friendly in response - something that won't happen if you reek and look like you don't care about yourself.

Before you can say, "I caaaaaaaaan't" - you can. It's easy - and that's why it's a requirement for being accepted by other humans in public.

If you don't care about yourself, it's very hard for others to. Despite that, WP members keep trying...


YOU. CAN. period.

Sick of this life. I wish I could just die. There's nothing for me here. No friends, no lovers, no future, no good memories. It's like I'm trapped in a dark, bleak room with no escape.

Life and people are just passing me by. Dating, having fun, experience good memories, making friends, accomplishing things.

It's like I'm existing for no reason at all. Depression, despair, being miserable, angry, and frustrated are taking its toll. I need a release.

On a scale of 1 - 10 how much have you applied from this thread?

I think its 1 and thats generous.

Sorry to tough love you but that seems to be the case.

You are in a rut and must apply new thinking. Change diet and get some grooming and them come back to this.