Sick of getting hurt

Post Reply New Topic

It was a genuine question.

I'm genuinely not a big people person. I don't want to force myself to socialise with tons of guys till I find one that bites.

That's part of the reason I say "I give up." My sister also said I'm not casting my net wide enough. And that's because I don't really want to.

Every-so-often I meet someone I really click with and I actually like spending time with them. Rather than having to force myself to spend time with tons of men who are just ok.

I just don't think I'm cut out for dating. It's draining. I can't do it.

The answer is 3 and I gave more time to the one who wanted my attention the most. We would meet up and just talk and talk. Then he lost interest. I was having fun and he went all serious on me and backed off. Ok so the other 2 are still available, but I'm just drained now. I feel used.

Edit - I tell a lie. The number is 5.

Well, you sound to have the same problem that i have, a lack of social interaction / social life (mine is getting severe tho, lately I have a zero social life) - 5 is a very little number within a year.

Are they within the same social circle?

Wow, five. hurtloam you're really brave to have approached five guys. I think you will recover from this idiot and find someone better.

I agree quality is more important than quantity.

It gets more difficult to meet people as you get older.

Sort of overlapping circles... like a ven diagram.

Sorry things didn't work out. People are so fickle.

Yeah, the old friends you lose touch with are not 'compensated' by newer friends - at a declining rate at least.

Really what I need now is not dating, but healing. I need to get myself to a place where I don't hurt anymore. Where I stop crying all the time and I can sleep again.

I snapped at my sister earlier and I really regret it. I don't want to feel hurt. I want to get over this and just be ok on my own.

I am so sorry you are feeling bad, hurtloam, and I would feel the same way. Have felt the same way. After more failed marriages and long term relationships than you can shake a stick at, and being much older, I made the conscious decision to stop trying. I was going to make my life and it would be a solo one. I had a great year. I did things I hadn't done in years. I did the stuff that I like to do, not what someone else wants to do, or to please others.

I even told a girlfriend: Look, I have blown every relationship I have ever had, mostly by picking out men who were not suitable for me. I am acknowledging that I have no idea how to pick out a partner, or live with someone. So I made a vow, witnessed by a friend, to STOP.

About a year later, from a totally unexpected quarter, I met the man I am now happily married to. And it wasn't at a social event, at church, in a bar, in any social milieu at all. I wasn't trying. I wasn't making friends. No social efforts at all. I tried to fight him off. I played late Beethoven string quartets, I also played Stravinski. I told him I did not want a partner. I told him about all my faults. I had meltdowns. I was crabby. At the time I had a foster child, and I put her first. He couldn't bring alcohol or firearms into the house. I refused to be accommodating. He just wouldn't go away! We've been married for about 9 years now, together longer than that.

In my case, the harder I tried, the more failures I racked up. It wasn't until I completely quit trying that something happened.

I hope you feel better and find some good things in life.

Honestly, I feel like you're a good person, and would be a very worthy partner for a guy.

That's what I really feel.

I wasn't trying when I met this guy. I was just hanging out with friends and he would always come over and talk to me. We just got on so well. It was easy. I though he was my "found a guy when I wasn't looking or trying".

Then I don't know what happened. Something changed in the dynamic. And that something triggered a spiral into depression for me and I can't see any positivity in this anymore. I'm so disappointed.

Thanks... no men I meet here in the UK agree with you.

I'm gonna make a Dr appointment today and see if I can go back on antidepressants. I just can't cope. I'm constantly bursting into tears. I can feel myself slipping into depression again.

I just don't understand what's so unlovable about me. Why am I not good enough for anyone?

Year after year after year I get rejected and passed over like I'm sub human. Why is this normal piece of human existence such a thing as I am not deemed goid enough for? When any tom, duck and Harry can meet someone, why can't I?

Good plan to go see your doctor soon, antidepressants can take a few weeks to start working. Sometimes we need help to feel like our real selves again, but it is possible for the pain to ease.

That's a disturbingly weird threesome.

Good work making a doctor appointment. Nothing wrong with correcting neurotransmitter balance in your brain. You are love able and wonderful. What was it the Supremes said? "You can't hurry love...wonder if it's on you tube. Might cheer you up a bit.