My older brother continues to outshine me

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01 Jun 2019, 11:54 am

hurtloam wrote:

Well if we're sharing sibling stories mine has met those major anticipated milestones for the mid 30s and I have not.

But it's not a competition. I don't feel less of a person. I suppose it helps that we are good friends too.

If I had my own victories, I wouldn't compare myself to my siblings.

I really wanted to prove my older brother wrong in that you don't need to follow the crowd to be socially successful but I never could. Even though he no longer boasts to me about it, I still feel distraught that I couldn't prove him wrong.

Sarahsmith
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01 Jun 2019, 12:01 pm

And having a good job is not a victory? I can’t remember you talking about this but have you tried medication? Your perspective might be a bit off due to some form of mental illness. Maybe with meds you won’t care as much about the things that are upsetting you now.

Marknis
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01 Jun 2019, 12:07 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:

It's not a good job at all. It's a thankless and mind numbing slog of a job. I get treated like s**t by the bitter older women who are in the highest positions and the average patrons are rednecks and ghetto thugs.

I actually do take medication but the things I have to go through daily are stronger than the medication.

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01 Jun 2019, 2:41 pm

Marknis wrote:

Someone who I thought was a friend attended an event at my older brother's brewery. I feel betrayed by her.

This is stupid. It's not like I don't get you; I've been in the same situation, but you (well, we) still shouldn't think that way. Our friends have the right to be friends with other people too if they want to, including our siblings.

Marknis
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01 Jun 2019, 3:03 pm

Fireblossom wrote:

Marknis wrote:

Someone who I thought was a friend attended an event at my older brother's brewery. I feel betrayed by her.

She's not friends with him. She's actually critical of him but she just had to go to some stupid event at his business.

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01 Jun 2019, 3:38 pm

It must be horrible to need so little to feel betrayed.

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01 Jun 2019, 3:56 pm

magz wrote:

It must be horrible to need so little to feel betrayed.

It is (or was; I mostly have these feelings under control now.) I think it partly comes from low self esteem, especially when one's not in the best terms with their siblings. In my case it got better when I started to get into better terms with my sister; maybe the same could happen to Markins.

As for Markins: so what? Nothing wrong with wanting to see the new business in town, either.

Marknis
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01 Jun 2019, 5:27 pm

Fireblossom wrote:

magz wrote:

It must be horrible to need so little to feel betrayed.

I normally don't feel like someone's betrayed me so easily. I've just had a crummy week and it's making me think more extremely. Thirteen years of depression has damaged me.

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02 Jun 2019, 4:10 pm

So your taking a med for depression I take it. What if its not the right medication though. You might need something different. Not to belittle your problems. Im sure you would still feel down about stuff like everyone else.

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02 Jun 2019, 4:22 pm

Marknis wrote:

I normally don't feel like someone's betrayed me so easily. I've just had a crummy week and it's making me think more extremely. Thirteen years of depression has damaged me.

Do you have any idea how strong that makes you? Damaged means you've survived. I'm proud of you . :-)

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03 Jun 2019, 6:53 pm

DanielW wrote:

Marknis wrote:

I normally don't feel like someone's betrayed me so easily. I've just had a crummy week and it's making me think more extremely. Thirteen years of depression has damaged me.

Do you have any idea how strong that makes you? Damaged means you've survived. I'm proud of you . :-)

I always took it as failure because I still don't have a girlfriend or a wife despite trying to prove the culture I live in wrong.

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03 Jun 2019, 11:27 pm

Marknis wrote:

DanielW wrote:

Marknis wrote:

I normally don't feel like someone's betrayed me so easily. I've just had a crummy week and it's making me think more extremely. Thirteen years of depression has damaged me.

Do you have any idea how strong that makes you? Damaged means you've survived. I'm proud of you . :-)

I always took it as failure because I still don't have a girlfriend or a wife despite trying to prove the culture I live in wrong.

Nah man; with depression every day you get through, every day you not give up on trying, every time you feel good, every time you feel good, survival is undoubtedly a win. Take it from someone who's dealt with it since childhood :wink:

Having an other isn't something everyone wants, needs, or holds any importance to so not having one does not equate failure. Yes it is something you want and don't have but that is only what has been thus far. Failure only occurres when you stop trying to step forward. You can be sliding backwards, or frozen in place and still have not failed as long as you keep aiming forward.

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03 Jun 2019, 11:59 pm

Marknis, i wish i could convey to you the fact that the thing you most seem to want, the unconditional positive regard from women, is by and large nonexistent, and its common substitute is a conditional form of it that you may, upon getting it, soon tire of.

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05 Jun 2019, 1:50 pm

True, I have seen unhappiness in other people's relationships but I think it could be different for me since I won't look for a "challenge" like my older brother saw dating nor demand my potential girlfriend to always use protection while not using any myself.

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05 Jun 2019, 4:50 pm

Theres hope for you yet my dear boy. :heart:

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06 Jun 2019, 12:54 pm

Your older brother can only "outshine" you for as long as you compare yourself to him. Find your own way to shine. Otherwise, you are just torturing yourself needlessly.

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