I'm not doing so good.

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We took him to his first doctor's appointment and I just stood or sat there like an idiot.


People think I just have postpartum depression and it will pass, but it won't. My personality type needs freedom I don't feel like I have here with these people... I need to do what I want, and I don't care who makes me feel bad about it or criticizes me or tells me off. I may deserve to be told off, but it won't stop me from trying to leave. Another thing... I can only try. I don't know if I'll be able to leave. I'm literally trapped if that's the case. Trapped by people. People tend to tell others what to do, and I can't take that. I'm not like most people. I need to be free of that. All of it. I can't even take a little bit.

It's tempting; I never got to hang out with you, but Jack will be mad if I go hang out with you. He doesn't even like me talking to you because he still thinks you're flirty with me. I want to go hang out with you, though. I wish me and you and Jack could hang out together.


I think the Celexa works, but just to help take away the black holes, not the urge to flee.

That would be fun.

I'm still passively flirty, it's a guy thing!! !

You need a change of scenery. It's not like when U were in Alberta where you could just get on the subway and go somewhere.

I know I do. I can't stay in one place for a long time. I like moving around. And when I'm in one place, I like not being dependent on anyone to take me places if I want to go out. I like there to be public transportation nearby, or else everything within walking distance.

So there's no place to walk around out there? No buses? No nothing??

Where does Jack work? Go to work with him one day and just chill out over there?

He doesn't work.


No; there are no buses around where I am in Channelview. At least I've never seen any. As for walking around, there's a walking trail with a grocery store at the end of it, and a little strip of restaurants, and that's about it.

Maybe I'll walk to the grocery store and panhandle all day until I have enough money for a bus ticket to Brockville. If I get arrested, well, at least I'll be in jail and away from the responsibility.


He's GOING to get a job. Be easy on him. Even if he wasn't going to get one, it wouldn't be his fault. He's depressed and dysfunctional just like me. And he's making some money on the internet anyway selling things.

Now Jack and my mother are making me feel guilty scolding me and all that, but I still want to leave. Their comments just make me want to leave more.

As it has been only a matter of weeks, you are still undergoing tremendous hormonal and physical changes and strains. It sounds like you're having a fight-or-flight response to the stress, and I am guessing (based on what has been said earlier and elsewhere) that you are more comfortable with leaving that confrontation. He is your son, and you are fortunate to have each other, if you'll accept yourself and accept the changes that he will bring. Be patient with yourself.


M.

Maybe it's because your mom and him CARE about you.

You have a little bohemian in you and just aren't comfortable keeping your roots down, so do I.

just sit on the couch, hold your baby, feed him and feel that he needs you!!

If they cared about me they would understand that my real need is to not have people assuming what my needs are and forcing me into them.


Anyway, I feel better today. I actually felt like walking around. I paced back and forth today. Probably because I just got put on Abilify on top of the Risperdal and it motivates me. After I took my Abilify last night I was happy to get up at any time. Also, having Finnegan and being free to spend time with him is a kind of freedom.

They do care, and so do I.
I'm sorry that you feel forced, really!! !

What do you want?

i have f- on report card