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يمارس الجنس مع كل هذا هراء إلى الجحيم، وأنا أشعر أنني أريد أن سخيف أسفل أربع زجاجات من حبوب منع الحمل، وكأنني أريد أن أجرح نفسي، تمتص مسدس والضغط على الزناد وجدار الطلاء الدم

^ you can get through this.
Please be kind to yourself.

I am okay,

I am mostly blowing frustration out of my ass to be honest though I did hurt myself a bit, I am not quite that f****d up. Craving drugs yes, still craving drugs, probably will crave drugs for the rest of my life and I have no idea why. Marijuana is not even suppose to be addictive and its not even withdraw, I did this for a year plus last time

I am f****d, I am literally f****d

^ It's much harder to cope when you're lacking good support systems.
The drugs literally were your support.
I know alcohol propped me up like a crutch.
Take that away and of course you're gonna stumble for a while.

Give yourself a break.

I hope its that simple
I think I am just wired different
I am not sure what to make of it, no drug for the record effects me with the official side effects
I can get pretty trippy with over the counter stuff alone

My therapist told me that ASD makes drugs affect us differently to other people.
I know I get reactions from over the counter drugs that everyone else takes without problem.
Cigarettes give me an intense high.
Hell, certain foods make me high.

YES, YOU GET IT

Menthol gets me higher then weed. To be fair, I am on day three without a cigerette so that is probably my major malfunction to be honest though I want weed.



YES AGAIN

Though to be fair again, the only reason I am smoking cigarettes is because I can't have weed

^ I have never stopped having nicotine cravings.
I used to smoke menthols too.
They were so awful.
But they were sooo gooood.

^^ What is your rationale for giving up weed?
Just curious.

Well I am not gonna say weed is wonderful for a change, clearly its not if I can't go without it without straight up not functioning but I can't think. I literally can't think, axinety takes over, and I sit here and I try to chill but I can't so I smoke and smoke more and smoke some more. Me without weed is like a fog, being sober feels like I have stayed up four nights in a row. I never functioned before it and I didn't function so well on it but I could fake it, now I can't fake it. Its horrible, its miserable. Its like going from a little disabled to a lot disabled, I am not joking, I literally can't function without it. I want to function without it for the record, do you think I want to be codependent on an illegal drug? No I don't

I wasn't going too actually, when I was suicidal in January, cops found drugs in my jacket and so that officially became an issue.

You know when cops give you weed, take a bunch of felonies out of your home and leave you mostly in one piece, I think its only fair to not do it anymore.

^ Oh, I thought weed was legal there now.

Decriminalized,

You can have a half an ounce for a $50 fine, you cannot however have a s**t ton of plants. That only applies to this city, outside of this city a half ounce is a Class-A Misdemeanor.

Half ounce - $50 Misdemeanor Class-C
Over 1/2 oz - Felony (1-6 years)
Cultivation - Felony (6 years)
Drug Paraphernalia - Misdemeanor Class-A (1 year)

Well, that sucks big balls.

What about CBD oil?
I'm finding that quite good and it's legal.

CBD is legal but only in extreme circumstances, basically if your dying.

And the laws are changing so they are written in less then logical way, its legal to use and possess but its not legal to buy, trade or give. I only know one hospital that uses it here and I would name it but I would rather not even though everyone knows where I am and its a nationally recognized hospital. Funny enough, I have even pointed out they are breaking the law by acquiring it and they just laugh at me lulz, they know its true. They give it to seizure patients.

THE SUN ISN'T RISING FAST ENOUGH,

I NEED CIGS