Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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good plan-and if you ever move into an appartment that allows dogs-take your dog and not visit your mom for a long while

Thankyou for your help and encouragement.

always a pleasure

Dear Mother!

I'm not coming to your place for more than 30 minutes at a time, for the next four weeks. The purpose of the 30 minutes will be for me to walk Chico for 20 minutes and for me to visit you, after I walk around the duck pond on 200th street and eat a healthy breakfast, three out of the four days that I don't work. If you're going to ask me snide questions about my weight, in the nasty way of a typical female, than you don't deserve to have me around. I'll keep my distance from you, the way that I give dad the silent treatment for wanting me to lose my Cockney accent, twenty years ago. I'll be eating so healthy during my break from you, that I will only have one slice of pizza, followed by two pieces of fruit and some cut-up vegetables. I'll be able to eat healthy, because you won't be on my case about it, all the time. The thing is that my portions will likely be slightly larger than you wish for them to be. They'll have to be, because I'm going to be active for over three hours each day, whether I'm working, or not. Congratulations, b***h! You've just lost your soft, cuddly Sid-Like firstborn daughter. The hours that I'll be over, will be the time blocks that I will be walking the only family member who's ever cared for me, and Chico isn't even a person...he's a DOG! If I still look like "That Sid Monster" on my Birthday, I'll rub it in your face, than I'm meant to be heavier, and there will be nothing that you can do about it. If I look like Twiggy after the three or four days of heavy work, plus the three to four days of compulsive walking and chores, at both my pad and my clubhouse, don't rejoice because I'd be slimmer. That would mean that you hated me when I was "Fat" in your eyes and that you'd be glad that the recent Sid-Like Shelby would be gone, forever.

Bitchingly Yours,

Shelby

Dear enemies-

One day, you will be screaming for mercy as I destroy you and tear you limb from limb.

I promise you, with all my heart, that I will find a way.

Dear Anubis,

You scare me! I will take great care not to become one of your enemies.

Peacefully,

Trigger11

*offers gifts of gold and platinum*

Last edited by Trigger11 on 27 Jul 2007, 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dear self,

You really do have to eat. Like now, before they close the cafeteria. You can't skip more than one meal today. Go now. You can (and will) come back later. Go.

As always,
Self

Don't worry, you don't have to resort to the flattery routine, and what I said was literal.

You won't make one of my enemies- there are much worse things than trivial disputes on a forum, you know.

Dear Gamespot.

**** YOU!! !! !

That is all for today...

To the guy that I fancy

I know I will never have you and I wont even probably see you again after today, as I am moving on....
But I just want to say that you are lovely

C
~

What have they done?

Dear Barb,

I'm not going to fall for the "Let's go to the coffee shop." ploy, again. Dean phoned at 7:30, when we were out. The three of us could have gone out, together as a threesome. The three of us had lost an opportunity that won't come around, or unless Jane moves back to the farm. We've lost the opportunity to be a threesome, yesterday evening. We wouldn't have even stepped foot inside the Dairy Queen. I knew that I was going to be in for a rough and bumpy night, when I was checking my phone for callers, and I found Dean's number. We were Roddy, Rita & Sid, but Jane had to weasel her way into our group and knock the three of us off of our equlibream...off of our balance. I wish that Jane would move back to the farm with Jen, so that it would be just the three of us, again. I was yelling, crying and swearing. Let's just stick around our apartments until 7:30, which was the time that Dean dialed our numbers from now on. You'll never know. The three of us might have the opportunity to be the threesome that we once were, for an evening.

Your friend,

Shelby

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 31 Jul 2007, 4:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dear Jane,

Move back to the farm with Jen, you bossy b***h! Let Dean, Barb and I be a threesome, again...you good for nothing, villanous Toad!


Not so sincerly,

Sid

Dear Dairy Queen

Burn the hell down! Your Ice Cream is too good...no wonder I'm over 200 lbs!

The Punker of My Threesome

To all you rich, skinny people in your expensive cars,

Buy cheaper cars, and spend more of your lavish amounts of money on some food, instead. If you would put more thought into your health than your reputation, you would look that much healthier and happier.

You can never be too poor or jolly,

Sid

Dear Dad,

I remember the time when Aunt Joanne, Forrest, Scott & Chris were over and everybody was sitting at the table. You guys were talking about how Chris was so big. All I wanted to say was that maybe Chris was meant to be big, and that's why I've told you guys that I was feeling left out of the f*****g conversation. You told me that you wanted me to have a nice figure like I did, than. f**k you! We both know that I was 5ft 2, I weighed 120 lbs and I had a 26 inch waist, 20 years ago, when you said those archaic words. Why don't you travel back to 1987, when I was that underdeveloped twelve year old, clone me, rev up my metabolism, and age me in an Ageing Machine, so I stay at 120 lbs and than you and the firstborn Shelby of your choice can travel back to the Year 2007. You can even give her a Estrogen Pill and that thrity two year old hippie can live with you.

The well-stuffed Punker of your reality,

Sid