Rants

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That rude b***h that lives on the first floor. I can't stand her! If anyone should DARE to violate her, she is quick to complain or talk s**t about it. At the same time she does the exact same thing to others. How is that even possible??? Does she not see it? or doesn't she care? I hope I grow the balls one day to let her have it.

It's a thing called "hypocrisy." It is endemic in people who seek power.

i hate it when threads pertinent to me are locked before i can comment. my husband was a straight-A college student, but dropped out near graduation due to illness. he's an example of someone without a degree who makes a wonderful mate. he retired a year-and-a-half ago. i went back to school fulltime. he took over the laundry, dishes, and cleaning. he had always done the yard work, but started falling, so he hired it out. a bachelor's degree may be a mark of responsibility, but many responsible folks don't have a degree.

I've known very smart people who didn't finish high school.

I've been on the edge for a while and I learnt something that has pushed me over. I haven't felt like this in a while, I've been miserable but I didn't think I could really cry anymore, I've spent today in a delirious haze, started seriously considering suicide, talking to myself, I get these flashes that cause my head to spasm, and a bunch of other things. The last time I felt so intensely like this I almost burned down the building I was in, so I'm pretty worried.

I was going to rant about the circumstances that led to this, but it's a complicated situation and difficult to explain, basically somebody not giving me any information about something led to me making a decision which I feel has ruined my life.

For that matter there's the way that being diagnosed with Asperger's has hurt me. I could rant a lot about how society and my dysfunctional family has been hurting me from a very young age but I've not got it in me now, I've said it so many times to so many people. I can't remember the last time I actually felt happy about something.

^I don't know if this is to any help at all

^^^^ being nice always helps, thank you Froya! And if anyone wants to talk that'd also be lovely, I feel a little better now but I have a feeling this is going to keep coming back to me and I doubt I'm going to sleep very well tonight :\

I'm currently failing art. And holy crippity crap crap, my learning disability is popping up in a whole lot more places than I thought it would be. I never thought I would struggle this much with drawing. And it seems like I have to practice twice as much as everyone else, just to be able to get a grasp of what we're doing.

But everything else I do, I'm gonna struggle with equally as much. Especially writing, which is ironically what I want to do the most but is also the area that I am most inhibited in.

Even managing my own life... haha, especially with my meltdowns.


It feels like I have to micromanage everything I do, just to prevent it all from toppling over. And, uhm, sometimes it drives me kind of crazy because I have to deal with that on top of my struggles with school and speaking and not being able to sleep. And sometimes it just doesn't feel like it's worth it...

I don't know anything. I feel like kind of a crappy person. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

I'm so tired of living and anxiety and self hatred. I wish i was never born sometimes.

I don't care how much I have to work, I will make as much money as I can.

They say money can't buy happiness, but I disagree.

I am in my thirties and still living at home, tied to my father's pursestrings, still being controlled by him, suffering his endless seemingly unstoppable habit of getting involved in every single thing that I do, asking questions, chatting idly while I attempt to concentrate, working hard in his way at trying to connect at all the wrong moments, convinced I need some stimulation or more to do when all I ever really needed was the autonomy to pursue some action or interest that I can actually do without interruption and talking talking talking!

^Your father sounds like an amateur who read a how-to book.

I see your quote from Jung - are you into Jung? I am.

^ I always appreciated the things I heard of Jung in passing. Finally embarking on the journey of reading Jung myself, starting with The Undiscovered Self. Such a great writer, almost every sentence is packed with a ton of carefully worded information, and poetically expressive too.

My dad is most likely on the spectrum but nearing his eighties, so diagnosis is impractical and likely of no help while change of his ancient and controlling routines is impractical. I communicate best in silence, he is a chatterbox, and also semi-retired and very bored.

*and he hoards food and tries to control what everyone eats, which is agonizing.

^ Possible hobby for your Dad - family tree, with whatever he can remember about each person.
Possibly make a real book at Amazon? Kindle? Especially his earliest childhood - stuff we've never
heard of that he thinks is boring.

^LOL hahaha!! Already done, seven generations deep! Compiled by him and his siblings, with pictures in digital format. Got it on my computer. But I did suggest to him he ought to find things to do if he's bored. I actually yelled it at him for several minutes.... it made some impression. I've had trouble standing up for my needs with people I am emotionally connected to, especially when they are my literal lifeline.

*the book idea might be good though. he could write down memories. he might like something like that.