Proof that I need a girlfriend FAST!

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emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 2:26 pm

Nope. No one helped me either.
Can't rely on anyone. Gotta do all the work yourself sadly.



Craig28
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03 Nov 2010, 2:27 pm

emlion wrote:
Nope. No one helped me either.
Can't rely on anyone. Gotta do all the work yourself sadly.


So am I responsible if I get the social and boundary cues wrong?



emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 2:28 pm

Craig28 wrote:
emlion wrote:
Nope. No one helped me either.
Can't rely on anyone. Gotta do all the work yourself sadly.


So am I responsible if I get the social and boundary cues wrong?


I don't know. But blaming someone else isn't fair either.
Just learn from your mistakes and gradually you'll make less and less.



Craig28
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03 Nov 2010, 2:29 pm

Gradually I will just back away and close the door, locking it up tight. Then the game is over.

Like its over now.



emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 2:30 pm

Well i'm trying to offer you advice and you just shut down on whatever I say.
You don't seem to even want to accept help.
Which is fine, just don't complain about not having any if you just don't really listen.



Craig28
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03 Nov 2010, 2:33 pm

How can I be asexual? I need someone here to help me flip that switch in my brain. I don't want to be attracted to men or women. Either that ir help me suck the Aspergers out of me.



emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 2:35 pm

sorry, can't do either of those things.
just offer the experiences i have.



Craig28
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03 Nov 2010, 2:37 pm

Your right, its not possible to tell a 28 year old straight male to be a homosexual. I am set in my ways, and so are my feelings towards Helen. Its something that has happened and she'll know about it one day next year. She'll just have to suck it up. Just like I had to suck it up with her situation.

I'm not gonna apologise to anyone for falling for a married woman. No f*****g way. I have every right to have feelings.



Janissy
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03 Nov 2010, 3:44 pm

Craig28 wrote:
And this is why I have no experience. No one has helped me in the 28 years so that I would be reday for the relationship stage.

To add further: I never had a Valentine's Day, so next year I am gonna send Helen, the married woman, some flowers. They will be from a "secret admirer" and she won't know they are from me.

I need a Valentine's Day. Its just unfortunate that its happened like this. But, hey, thats life. She'll have to suck it up if she finds out that it is me. She'll have to suck it up anyway.


She won't have to suck it up. If she feels that you are encroaching too much into her private life with her husband and acting too romantic, she can ask her boss to put her with a different client. If that isn't possible, she can quit her job entirely.

You need to be a little careful here. If you act on the things you are saying, you will make Helen nervous about the strength of your romantic feelings for her. She isn't actually your girlfriend and if you start treating her like she is, you run a very high risk of her not being your befriender (or whatever the term is) anymore. Please be careful not to drive her away with inappropriate romantic overtures.

What you should be getting from Helen is not faux romance (she's married!! !! this is her job) but instead you should value what you learn from her about conversing with women. The lessons you learn from her about how to talk to women are transferable to other women.

This is the Haven so what I say is meant to be helpful not snarky. I think you are approaching the concept of "girlfriend" all the wrong way. Your posts are all about what you want and need and how much benefit a girlfriend would bring to your life. But relationships go both ways. They aren't just about what you want and need. They are 50% about what she (whoever she may be) wants and needs. You meet in the middle. It is probably scaring women away if they can sense that being with you means they are 100% responsible for your happiness and their own happiness is irrelevent. That's an emotional chore and it's not one that women are in a hurry to take on. It might help your success to think about what positive benefits you could bring to a girl's life. Girls need a motivation for how their lives will be improved if they are with you. Would she have a shoulder to cry on? Would she have somebody to do her favorite activity with? Would she have a steady source of romantic gestures to make her feel special? I'm not saying those are the things you should offer. Those are just some possible things girlfriends get out of a relationship. Think about what you have to offer rather than what you need her to give you and you will likely have more success.



mechanicalgirl39
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03 Nov 2010, 5:10 pm

Craig28 wrote:
And this is why I have no experience. No one has helped me in the 28 years so that I would be reday for the relationship stage.

To add further: I never had a Valentine's Day, so next year I am gonna send Helen, the married woman, some flowers. They will be from a "secret admirer" and she won't know they are from me.

I need a Valentine's Day. Its just unfortunate that its happened like this. But, hey, thats life. She'll have to suck it up if she finds out that it is me. She'll have to suck it up anyway.


Why should SHE suck it up? She owes you nothing, she is an innocent person here. Just because YOU have problems doesn't mean you have the right to mess other people up. You should treat her as a friend and a friend only, not manipulate and use her.

Try taking some of the constructive advice that myself, Janissy, emlion and a host of others have tried to give you, instead of being a rabid douche.


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hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2010, 2:13 am

You sound like you've got chronic depression.

You need help. Have you tried hypnosis? Apparently it's good for changing the train of thought. In your case, less "I need a GF to prove i've had one" and more "how can I improve my life, besides being in a relationship, to feel like a success".

I can't comment, I haven't tried it or can I say whether its any good.

First thing you need to do is go to a doctor AND a councillor
Then try hypnosis

Then try to improve your life.

I'm sure there is more to you than simply a guy who can't get a GF. What about the stuff you're good at, and enjoy?

Stop pining over what you don't have and start rejoicing over what you do. Are you physically disabled in any way? The world is out there and its waiting for you to prove you're a great person.



nostromo
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04 Nov 2010, 2:49 am

Craig28 wrote:
And this is why I have no experience. No one has helped me in the 28 years so that I would be ready for the relationship stage.

Have a read of the post I made here. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt141759.html
Its about someone the same age as you in the same sort of situation. Fact is someone like yourself simply needs to upskill, and thats mainly all it is (or skills plural rather); a skill.
Is there any sort of social services for Aspies where you live that might be able to help in that kind of way?



Craig28
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04 Nov 2010, 5:39 am

I gotta point out to you that you are giving me advice from a New Zealand perspective. I would be more likely to be beaten up if I approached a women in my country (UK), even if I was very respectful towards her.

No, the UK doesn't have the skills situation like your country has. In fact, my country has a "Procurement" procedure. This means that it is illegal for anyone to help another get a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why? In case money is involved. Its to stop prostitution. Thats why disability sector workers cannot help clients, for fear of lawsuits.

Here, in the UK, if ya can't get one, basically we've been told "tough luck". We have to go without OR we can go out there, mess it all up and end up being far worse off.

Because I havn't had help or support in the relationship arena and there being no services to pair up interested people, my mind fell for the first woman that appealed to me in everyway. Yes, she is married, but that doesn't stop emotion.

There is no magic forcefield once marriage is initiated.



Craig28
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04 Nov 2010, 6:15 am

This thread has run its course.



Craig28
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04 Nov 2010, 11:35 am

Today I went into town. Seeing those nice looking women infuriates me because of my AS disease.

This thread has run its course.



mechanicalgirl39
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04 Nov 2010, 11:41 am

Craig28 wrote:
Today I went into town. Seeing those nice looking women infuriates me because of my AS disease.

This thread has run its course.


Speak for your goddamned self. There are plenty of 'AS disease' (sic) guys who have girlfriends or wives.

Lose your entitled attitude and you'll have a chance.


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