Sick of getting hurt

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The Supremes are pretty cool!

The Supremes: You Can't Hurry Love

Thanks

In other news... my new Dr is really nice.
I hate that I've tripped up and landed in this hole again. I was doing so well mental health wise.

Being well and feeling happy all seems like a dream I just woke up from. I was really happy too. And now that's all gone and I have to learn to function in an empty space .

I don't think we get to be happy and healthy all the time. In my experience good times and bad times wax and wane. When I am feeling good, I can't imagine that I would ever feel bad again. And when I am feeling really bad, I cannot imagine that I would every feel good again. Having been up and down enough (having 64 years of experience doing this helps) I cognitively know I will get better again. But it doesn't feel that way. I have to hold onto my cognitive knowledge tight.

So you will get to feel good again...and don't beat yourself up for getting down again. That part is just life.

Thanks blazing star. I went through a really bad phase a year or so ago and I felt like I would never come out of it. That's the worse low I've ever experienced. Everything in my life was going wrong. A couple of relatives dying, losing my job, awful neighbours, losing my house, ending up in a damp house because it was all I could afford, ending up in a job that was so stressful I would go in the restroom and cry, being exhausted and having to commute for an hour each way to go somewhere that made me ill. It was a bad time.

Getting through that has been one of the greatest strengthening things in my life. It ended. Now I know that you can get through bad stuff and the recent happiness I've had has made me realise I can get through this too and find another plateau.

I'm scared of being that low again. That's why I went to the Dr to nip it in the bud before I started to spiral out of control again. Even just that act of doing something to protect myself has made me feel a little stronger. I haven't cried at all today.

Excellent hurtloam. You are on the way out. It could be bumpy, but you're headed in the right direction.

I just want to be over this. I can't stop crying today.

I'm scared to fall for someone again. Will this be my situation for the rest of my life? Falling and getting hurt? Will I never be good enough for anyone? What's the point of feelings if you only get hurt?

It won't hurt forever. You will find someone else. You will get over this. Someday you will be able to look back and be glad you made it through. Just not now. I never know how long one of these things will last. Thich Nhat Hanh said that Hope is a "bad" thing (I am sure he used more elegant language) because it makes it impossible to live in the now.

I don't know what the point of feelings is. That is a philosophical question beyond my abilities to understand. What I have discovered though is that feelings do not have to control my life. Feelings, in and of themselves, are sort of meaningless. Yes, we have them. Yes they can have humongous impact on our lives. But what are they really? When feelings become overwhelming, they actually impair our abilities to live.

For me, when feelings become overwhelming, it is important for me to rest and to take care of myself, as if I were my own friend. It's like the flu. Feels awful but you do get over it.

I won't find anyone. I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend. No one ever likes me enough. No one ever will.

I am sorry that you feel that way, hurtloam. Sorry, I do not have a magical cure for that or I would have tested it on myself years ago. (I only have a cure for aging, which has now become a curse. ) It can seem like the quest for finding love works against NDs by the vary nature that makes us what we are. Whatever you do, do not give up hope. I wish that you can find happiness within your life, even if it takes it's sweet time to get there.

Thank you.

I'm trying to take solice in the fact that I have good friends who are quirky like me. I need to make time for them, it's kind of hard to do that as an introvert, I tend to have solitary pursuits. One of my friends and I have organised to meet up and do some different things around town over the next 2 weekends and I have family visiting this weekend.

I need to count my blessings and not focus on this love thing. I just want a partner. I thought I'd found one. I'm just disappointed. I'll get over it... eventuallly.

I'm feeling better this week. Maybe the meds are starting to kick in.

Maybe the guys you're meeting just aren't into Muppets.