My older brother continues to outshine me

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I just wonder why it hasn't happened except for a brief period in 2010.

Brother Marknis, people who don't want to understand you just don't understand themselves.

I have a cousin my age I was raised with and we are like siblings.

He outsines me so to speak, simply because I am disabled and he is not.

I have a cousin who is younger than me but he's had girlfriends and he's been to Japan. He's currently a cop but he only just wants to shoot people legally. I am just glad he doesn't call or text me anymore.

My cousin is like a fraternal twin because we have always been together. And it's been hard at times watching him achieve all the things I can't.

Have you thought about going to Japan yourself? You know, not just as a dream but as a goal to work towards by saving money and learning the language a bit?

due to the chronically poor exchange rate, that is a daunting task. mebbe start small by trying a local japantown.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category: ... ted_States

i have a cousin my age who is much more accomplished and intelligent/hip. she owns her own business, is a parent, is a licensed instrument-qualified pilot, and drives a mercedes. she did all this while i was still homeless.

He doesn't live in a large metropolitan area----but he does live in a moderate-sized one.

It's not really the "sticks."

I used to have a friend that looked like a super model. She was smarter than me too. Sometimes she put me down when I was dumb. It rarely happened but on occasion she could be a snob. I felt dumb around her sometimes. She was my best friend though. I dont feel inadequate anymore because we drifted apart. No more competition. However now that Ive grown up I have more self confidence. I doubt I would feel stupid around her these days. I would stand up for myself if she scolded me for being dumb. I have cognitive problems. I cant help it!

I have although the logistics aren't in my favor. I would need to make more than I currently make and learning the language has some barriers for me. The college in my area only teaches Spanish as far as non-English languages go; I learned some Spanish in elementary school but in high school, I was denied learning more of it because I was considered too "challenged" to learn anymore of it and a lot of people in my area, especially rednecks and overly patriotic mainstream Bible Belters, are actually hostile to the Spanish language. My older brother will mispronounce the words on purpose and he thought it originated in Mexico until I told him it's actually from Spain.

Another barrier to learning the Japanese language would be my history of failure with things I wish I was better at.

My cousin actually had a stroke of luck in going since he knew someone who had connections for ESL teaching in Japan. He did some teaching but ultimately decided to come back to the US and become a cop. I hate this cousin because he bullied me both physically and emotionally. When he got a girlfriend, he rubbed it in my face and it made me not ever want to be around him at all. My mother also stood up for him even though he was not her son and he as well as his family members trash talked about our family.

Do you make so little that you can't save money at all? If you can save some and start now then you might make it before you turn 40.

What about Japanese lessons in Austin? Or are you saying all they got there is Spanish?
So you don't want to try because you've failed before? You can't get anything done without trying you know...

My older sister is a medical doctor and I am not

"Your sister is so smart. Why are you not like that?". My precious lil "parents" correctly told me

When I was young, I felt ashamed


So what?

Feeling ashamed is not tabboo

But please put more emphasis on your life and less on someone else's life

I should stipulate that I have no siblings and neither does my cousin, so that's one more thing that adds to the being like siblings factor.

One thing to my advantage so to speak is no one expects me to be like him or keep up with him in any way because it's obvious I'm too disabled.

Admittedly, some of the things I do suck up my finances like a vacuum cleaner. I eat out a lot as well as comfort eat because my family doesn't always make food I can eat as well. I've really stocked up my comic book and manga collections for the last five years.

I know that UT (University of Texas) has courses in Japanese but none of the community colleges have any that I know of. I know for certain the local community college doesn't. I mostly made passing grades in school so I didn't qualify for university upon graduation but at the same time I've never had any concrete plans about going to any universities in my life. I would just hear someone say they wanted to go to UT but then someone else would say they wanted to go to AnM and yet another would say they were going to Baylor or Texas Tech and so on. Sometimes the discussions would get heated and hostility would ensue between the people having them. Myself, I was told I was going to go to Temple college (The one I've attended a few times but have not graduated from) and I didn't think beyond that except for hoping that becoming a musician or drawer was part of "God's plan" for me.

My sister's a secretary and I'm a janitor. It doesn't bother me. I'm a hippie anyways, so why would it bother me?