Where is my place?

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No.. it just.. means.. they don't watch it. interesting

And the reason I limit myself to other Aspies is because Aspies do not lie, cheat, or tolerate those who do.

siiiigggghhh..........

And here I thought you gotten your predijuce toward NTs out of the picture. Silly me.

Tim, I'm tellin' you...aspies will let you down as well. Aspies will disappoint you. NT's will disappoint you. You've gotta loosen up your restrictions or everyone's gonna disappoint you. I'm still learning how to loosen up, myself...but I know it's important to do so, otherwise, all that's left is self-pity.

That is such a sweeping generalisation that is is almost beyond belief!! What do you base this on? How many aspies have you known, how many NTs? I can assure you, from personal experience, that aspies are VERY capable of lying and cheating as well. I have known two who lied a hell of a lot, and another one who cheated on his ex. Granted, they might suffer more of a guilt complex about it, and admit to it more readily, but human nature is human nature, and aspies are, in the end, human beings.

I think you have far too rigid a set of guidelines about what you want. People aren't made to order. You seem to be seeking all these things, yet expecting others to wish to interract with you...a little hypocritical, methinks, somehow. You need to open your mind a little bit more to people who are DIFFERENT to you. Because I can assure you, have too much in common with someone, and you can end up bored or clashing very quickly.

Also, don't expect others to adapt to you, if you are unwilling to adapt for them. Obviously, there is something in the way you interract, that is keeping people away. It doesn't mean you are faulty or flawed or this or that. But it does mean, that maybe you need to take a good, long look at how you interract, what you talk about, how you approach people, and figure out what you are doing wrong. I am afraid, in the end, you either have to simply be yourself, and accept that you might have a limited number of friends, or you have to work on changing elements of yourself, in order that others will accept you more. Personally, I consider that if people do not wish to know me, they are not suited to me anyway. Better to wait for people, few as they might be, who will accept you as you are.

I've been with one of each.

My first girlfriend (the NT) was the one who cheated on me.

Not to say my second relationship (the one with the Aspie) didn't have its pitfalls. She wanted to wait 5 years--a totally arbitrary figure--before marriage/being intimate, and that was 3 years into the relationship. That's what ultimately caused the relationship to fail, even more so that the fact that she lived 1,200 miles away.

What elements would have to be changed, or need to be looked into?

Tim - from what I can tell, you're a good guy, and I want to help.

I think the only thing that is causing the problems is your rigidity, and you also don't seem to listen to other peoples advice too much.

About the rigidity, it just means that you're not open to compromise and no matter how similar to you another person might be, it is impossible for them to be a clone of you or a clone of your expectations, and I think people might be getting turned off by your inability to open up to their ideals and preferences rather than just your own. I don't think you can be in a relationship until you let go of all your prerequisites and are open to anyone that might come into your life. You need to let go of the negative experiences of the past before you can really move forward. You might be pleasantly surprised!

I think that once you let go off all your conditions, a really nice girl might come into your life, because you seem like a great guy with lots of admirable and likeable personality traits, and someone who puts themselves out for other people. I'm surprised about what you said about hierarchys, I haven't noticed anything like that here. But then again I haven't been on WP for that long.

I might be repeating myself here, but I do know it's very easy to say and very hard to do. I personally have a lot of trouble in trying not to stress out ALL THE TIME about my future, and then babble my stress out to everybody else until I drive them all crazy with it.

I love bunnies too, btw. I used to have a gorgeous pet rabbit called Peppi who would follow me around the garden, and put his paws against the glass of the back door when we were inside the house and look in. We had to give him away when we moved because pet rabbits are illegal in QLD

I often make choices that I think will be pleasing to others, rather than do what I really want to do.

That's really good, but not quite what I was getting at.

What I meant can probably be divided into two things:

With the girlfriend: sort of opening your mind and relaxing your restrictions about what type of girl you will date, and you might find you are really attracted to one who perhaps doesn't qualify to every restriction. If you find someone who you have that special spark with, she will learn to love South Park, or learn to compromise with you on sexual issues because she loves you. And some NT girls are bad, but a lot aren't. Statistics are just not on your side here, though I really hope you will find someone. But the bigger problem is just that having regulations of any type about the kinds of people you will go out with (a.k.a. I'll only consider going out with someone if they're this, and this, and this) is a big turn off for people, and might even be a turn off for a girl who does happen to meet your qualifications.

With the friends thing: I'm not so sure exactly what is causing the problems here, because I don't know you well enough, but one thing I do notice you sometimes do is that you don't always acknowledge what other people have to say. However, on that note, I think a lot of us here can do that (I am certainly no exception) and I think it's a pretty aspie trait. Furthermore, I find you have read and responded to my last post, which was nice.

You're right that it might be your age, you're at a pretty sucky age for fitting in to groups in a university situation (pretty much everyone I know at uni is either older or younger), but that will change with time. And I think the issue with your friend at school might arise because of the age difference, and also just because when kids are at school they tend to very much narrow their social focus to school, as they are not quite at the age where they grasp the idea of an extended network of friends at school and beyond. I'm sure your school friend likes you very much, and for a school girl to be interested enough to maintain a friendship with a guy your age (no offense intended here) in the first place says a lot about your character - you must be an interesting, likeable person.

I'd love to be your friend, btw, but I will be honest with you and say I could end up like your school friend because my social and university life can overwhelm me at times and sometimes I do drop out of contact with people for weeks at a time. It's like there's only a limited number of friends I can maintain contact with at any time without being overwhelmed and compromising my well-being, and for the last few years I've always been over that limit.

However, all being said, I do consider you a friend of mine. And I hope I don't sound patronising or know-it-all or anything, cause I can get to sound like that once I move into lecture mode - not like I'm an expert being the ripe old age of 20 (Ha! I'm barely out of school myself). Again about the age thing, I also did a 3 year y11/12 course at the urging of my parents when I was already a year older than everyone because of the move interstate (people in QLD finish school aged 17 instead of 18). I did find it quite hard sometimes always being around kids 2 years younger than me (cause two years is a long time when you're at school and everyone's exactly the same age give or take a few months), though being immature for my age helped.

Nobody learns to love anything anymore, nor does anyone compromise. I live in a state where most people are conservative, and asking someone to watch South Park is the same as asking them to stop being a Christian. It is not even a sin to watch South Park. To evangelical Christians, South Park is just as evil as porn--ironically, Scientology is the only religious group that has actually boycotted the show. And conservative people would rather die than become liberal. As for sexual issues, I can't even get anyone who believes in sex outside of marriage, much less fetishes or kinky stuff, if I were to ever become interested in those things.



Thanks.



This is why I don't bother trying to meet people at school. Any guy older than 22 is considered a "dirty old man", and I'll be 29 in December.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 14 Oct 2008, 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, well I guess outside of school is the place to go.

You should move to Australia! We don't have much of that religious nonsense here. Everyone's generally quite understanding about other peoples religions, and most people here tend to be agnostic or liberal. (I think I've only met one or two conservatives in my life). Religion hardly factors into lifestyle at all really, when I think about it.

Are you looking to date a Christian specifically, or just someone who is open minded (and could be agnostic)?

But yes, if you don't like your situation, I reckon just move out of it. That's the great thing about being human and alive in the world today, that we have the freedom to make our own choices in life and drift where our hearts take us.

I reckon, finish your degree, then make a new life for yourself some place that suits or. Or maybe try traveling for a year or so until you find a country you like, and you get to meet heaps of people on the way. You might even find the girl you're looking for! Either way, it would be a great adventure and you've got nothing to lose..

(you can probably tell this is a daydream of mine, I love the freedom of drifting and exploring places with nothing to hold me down)

I don't think it's a sin to watch animated sitcoms, or listen to secular music.

To most people in Texas, religion is everything. When running for re-election in 2006, our Governor, Rick Perry, was in full agreement with some remarks by John Hagee, a controversial televangelist based in San Antonio (only 50 miles from my school). One of the other candidates, Kinky Friedman, who is Jewish and a bit of a counterculture icon, said that Gov. Perry "doesn't think much differently than the Taliban".



It is perfectly possible to be both Christian and open-minded, or both Christian and liberal. But most people here (in Texas) think that you can only be one or the other. I'm Lutheran by the way, but live a very secular life. Texas is about half-Baptist and half-Catholic.



Unfortunately, most of the cities that support my views on things are in cities where either a) the cost of living is astronomical, or b) while the cost of living is reasonable, there aren't very many jobs in my field in those cities.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 14 Oct 2008, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey Tim, find a Unitarian Universalist church community. Those people are probably the most open-minded religious folks you can find.

I still try looking for people who like South Park.

And every time I post a thread relating to the show (which, surprisingly, isn't that often), only male members respond to them.

It leads me to believe that only guys appreciate South Park.

1. I'm confused by this thread. I thought most everybody here liked you.

2. I like South Park. "BEEEEEFFF CAAAAKE"!

So there.

Some chick at work made a south park joke yesterday.. I don't remember what episode it was from, but it was that really weird manly voice chick shouting "DHAAANCE" across the room asking if anyone wanted one.

Though I lack an understanding why females who watch south park is such a big deal to you..