Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear world,


Part of what made me so depressed was the fact that you thought I would get depressed. You thought I was pathetic enough to get depressed, and that made me depressed. Thanks.


~Ana

Dear......******,

Don't come crying to me now about how scre*ed up your life is, because you know that I'll listen, because I've always cared...it's what I am, how I am... and I HATE it.

I didn't make your choices, I was the one you happily crushed while you raced to get to your present position...remember?

Niagara Falls? Go there, see it, go for a swim...f**k off. Leave me to live what years I have left in relative peace...because you'll never grow up, and I've run out of patience.

Sincerely,
The Bi*ch

Dear James,
PLEASE come online on MSN, I need someone to talk to, and you are one of the few people who could help.
- Rachel-

Dearest Father,
If you push me too far in the next few days, I'll stab you.

-Rachel-

Dear Anyone Who Cares,
HELP.

Dear ________,

I explained everything here in a very long letter, but I got paranoid that somehow you'd see it so I deleted the entire thing.

I hope you don't take my message the wrong way. I'm not trying to blow you off, I'm just trying to accept reality. You never gave me any indication to think you might return my feelings and I need to accept that. I wouldn't be able to respect myself if I dated someone who I thought only asked me out because they knew I liked them.

Spot

Dear people I knew including my mother,


You thought I was pathetic enough to get damaged, and that's what damaged me.


Thanks.

Dear WrongPlanet,

Please pray for me and MADDuck. We're both having a horrible day!


Thanks.


~Kate/Ana

Dear zOMG Aspies,


I want attention. I'm not ashamed of it.


You want attention too, or you wouldn't be trying to get everyone to believe that I want attention!

Dear Emma,


I know we would have had a blast if it weren't for my social anxiety. Sorry if you found me a little pathetic!


Dear Brandy and Jared,


we also could have had a blast. Or on the contrary, Jared and I would have had an anti-blast... we might have turned into the next Karla and Paul... maybe we'll meet again more civilized and talk about things just as fun but not as sick! Brandy, you are one in a million. It's so rare finding a wholesome girl like you who's still a lot of fun to be around, with cognitive flexibility-- a term I picked up from my shrink. You can have fun when you want to. I miss you and Jared, believe it or not, even tho we were only acquaintances.

Dear Cathy and Jane,

I miss you horribly; I really do. That email Jane sent me killed something in me; it was the only thing I've ever experienced that came close to being as painful as Claude's death was. I'm so sorry for how I hurt you, all of you. You were the closest thing to a family I ever had and trying to forgive myself has been extremely difficult.

At the same time , I'm so angry at you for deserting me when I needed you the most. You knew that my relationship with Dave had really messed me up. I could understand you not talking to me anymore because you thought I would never leave him, but even after I told you I was getting a divorce, and even after Audrey saw my parents and I'm sure told you that I had been divorced for over a year, you still want nothing to do with me.

I would have died for any of you, you were that important to me.

Spiffy

Dear WP members,


Ahayes's thread got me to thinking about myself. Because that's what I do an awful lot. I'm a narcissist. I wonder what people would say at my funeral. I wonder if there would be a funeral. I wonder if anyone but my parents would care. I have a pretty shrewd idea what would happen. Aunt Dolores would be scolding Julie, Joey and Natalie because they'd be too busy in their lives to come to my funeral, and Dolores would be saying, "She's your cousin!" and they'd be like, "Look, I'm really sorry she's dead, but we haven't talked in a long time anyway, and this is really important, I HAVE to be there for my friends..." And I wouldn't want them to come anyway if they didn't want to, because I don't like boring people in life and don't want to in death either.


My father will be hanging his head and saying "I don't understand why she didn't just join the Forces."


My mother will be calling up her old friends whom she never spoke to in a year, and they'll be supporting her and maybe she'll even get happy with one of them. On depressed impulse. Then she'll get so depressed she goes out to Gaspe to gorge on her mother's pies. She'll debate going to the shrink and getting some antidepressants. But she wants to be better than that. She doesn't want to need anything. She's always helped herself, and she'll help herself now, because that's the only thing she has; that ability (or at least the ability to ALMOST APPEAR to be helping herself).


What I want at my funeral is this: I want a huge party... you guessed it from my previous posts... in the morgue.


I want there to be so many people that trays of hors d'oerves have to be passed over people's heads. I want people to be dancing on the autopsy slabs and making out in the drawers. I want people to be drinking the bottles of spirit they use to wash the corpses (and maybe making a toast to me. To Ana! Ashes to ashes, dust to dust! Life is short, so party we must!" ) and throwing up in the sludge sluice basin. I want people to wear bright red or pink or white or something, and laugh and smile and swing from the caged lights and push groups of standing, drunken people around on rolling slabs. I want people falling on each other's heads, delighted screaming, and maybe someone can scrawl on the wall in the most prominent spot, "Life is short and then you die. f**k the devil; let's get high." Not "f**k the world". "f**k the devil." The devil is in need of a good f**k. He's feeling really down. Why do you think he's the devil?


When security finds all of you, ask them to join in! The more the merrier! It's amazingly cool having a security guard in there! Everyone can scream at the top of their lungs. Everyone should yell and call out to God, thanking him for what life they have left, and saying, "Don't forget us! I know you won't forget us! I know you didn't forget Ana, and we'll all be together again!"


I want you all to party until a SWAT team turns up. Cummon; ain't I worth it?


But chances are, as I said, that won't happen. It'll be a quiet affair. Nobody will ever know or care that I existed. If I stopped coming to WP, you'd all think it was a gimmick. Because I even admitted I love and want attention. What I really wanted to say was, "I love and want love and respect."


Who would care if I suddenly disappeared? The people at the Y would just say "It's a fact of life", "She made the choices she made", "Good luck", "Maybe it wasn't meant to be." My parents would say it's hopeless, all their dreams went down the drain, how dare she, boo hoo. My PM buddies would say, "I hate to say this, but I hope she's alive and just did this for attention." MADDuck will have to up his dosage to 60 mg, and username88 will find another girl on WP and forget all about me.

Dear James,
I worked out why you had that little tantrum on MSN. It wasn't because I said that you were a good person; even I'm not stupid enough to think that that's offensive. It's because I also said "even if I don't see you again." You got all upset at the thought that I might not need you, that I might not be desperately unhappy without you. And so you stomped off like a spoiled two-year-old.
I don't know whether to be pissed off or just feel sorry for you.

- Rachel -

Dear Richardbenson, Greenblue, Sopho (whom I forgave; I was just stating what happened), and all of Starb's other friends:

I meant no offence when I said the following in the Starbuline thread:


[quote=Ana54]Oh, God.


I want to throw up.


I knew it was her even before I saw this thread. There are only 2 girls on WP, and I figured it was her because she was probably depressed that her boyfriend KingCrimson had just died. ]


Alex then said that she was pressured to be hateful. As in, she didn't even mean the hateful things she said about people. I feel bad for some of the stuff I said about her. I felt bad about them when she was still alive.


I knew she had potential, but I was intimidated by her. I found her physically beautiful, and was actually jealous of her looks. I wanted to PM her and tell her I could be her friend if she wanted, but I thought she'd find me too soft and icky and I'd make her more depressed because she didn't seem like the kind of person who wanted people to see her as a person who needed help. She came across to me as a proud person. So I wrote her a letter in The Haven. And I hope she read it all, not just the part about how I was so mad at her once that I wanted her dead. Because I wanted to forgive her, and I forgave her, because I knew she was suffering. We all are. It really is not a shameful thing.


I noticed that she stopped insulting me after the letter was posted. Sopho kept on insulting me, but a lot of them stopped after that.


I noticed that zOMG was flagged as hateful, racist, intolerant, explicit and profane by the Net Authority, which was watching over zOMG, and maybe that contributed to it.[/quote]
I just happen to have an amazing talent for really hurting and depressing the people in that group. Everyone else I get along fine with. I'm so sorry. The more I try to rectify this, the worse I make it. What is it with me? It bothers me so much that I cause people so much pain just by being here, or even talking about them. But the zOMG people talked about every little thing I did, insulting it, so why can't I just say something about you that most people would not find insulting? I'm sorry; I just don't understand. I'm not doing this to aggravate or hurt anyone! I was trying to control or reverse some of the damage I caused before by explaining.

Dear anyone who cares,

This feeling of being hated and alone has ceased! I no longer feel hated. Not sure why though... I don't feel alone anymore either. I don't need friends now. Well, I still want online friends, but no real life friends, ya know? I prefer being friendless in real life.

From the awesomness that is me.

Dear Redmage,
Cool.

- Rachel -

Dear Fate,


please let the weight come off, and please let my mom Go to Texas Soon, so I can make a stop off in Oklahoma and visit OWA.