Sick of getting hurt

Post Reply New Topic

I was trained since my early childhood to follow that procedure. Eventually, I realized that if you do it consistently, every pursuit is ill-founded, including survival.

It's a natural instinct. A species must multiply in order to survive.

Also, companionship is pretty nice sometimes.

Because often companionship is a nice thing and it sucks to be alone and rejected all the time.

Such empty sophisms are not likely to make someone very happy.

I don't think they're meant to make you happy; only to get you to stay miserable while pretending to be happy and, most importantly, to shut up and not inconvenience the one telling you the sophisms, even if they could just as easily not have gotten involved in the conversation to begin with.

I also think that such things are based on confirmation bias. The offerer of the sophism wants to confirm their own status/point of view is the correct one. The hope is that you will quietly agree and carry on as they are. It gives them a sense of satisfaction that they are doing the right thing with their own life.

Those who give such sophism usually are bitter due to some recent breakup, so they're in "I hate relationships/I hate men/I hate women" mood.

Then after two days they get a new boyfriend.

Or they're married.

Ouch.

Hugs again

The others have reiterated my point that nothing can 'make' you happy. Relying on external circumstances for that is fruitless. But I'm referring to true happiness found within and not the inferior version society conditions us to understand. And you're correct, I am biased through my own experience but I know it can be everyone's experience.

However, if your answer to the question why is only that it's 'nice' and/or 'survival of the species' as suggested by others then your pursuit is legitimate. Your posts here made me think you were looking for something other than this but if I'm mistaken then I apologize.

In any case don't tell yourself you are not good enough, not worthy, unlovable etc. These are false perceptions based on false standards set by others who are misguided. Repeating it and writing it just reinforces the belief. You are a perfect, flawless human being at your core, the same as everyone else. No more, no less. My suggestion above was meant as a first step toward realizing your true self by separating you from an illusion. Once you find that part of yourself that no one or thing can alter everything else is just a bonus or 'nice' to have.

Well, yes I agree with this. I know deep down that there is nothing wrong with me. But I want to share the experience of being alive with someone close. It does add a cherry on the cake. It is very enjoyable and I will miss this person terribly. He added another dimension to my life that was very good.

you can look upon the experience [the good parts in any case] as a fond memory, that is a plus, and can help tide you over in the future.

I don't know about hurtloam, but I don't give a crap about being happy. I want to achieve my goals even if they make me miserable. Especially if they do. Perhaps I'm sick of being told I must be happy; more or less the same problem I have with self-esteem.

You are not alone. I've read many articles in magazines like The Altantic and in the Guardian about how our modern pursuit of happiness is actually making people unhappy. Happiness is a side effect, not an end goal that can be worked towards.

I do want to be happy, but I don't think I can say I can do x,z and z and then I will be happy. Like you I feel that there are things that I want to accomplish and in that pursuit I may have a side effect of being happy, feeling content, or being pleased that I did something that I wanted to.

I do think though, that loneliness is a source of unhappiness. We generally do need friends and companionship. I am happier when I have meaningful relationships.

This thread was started when I realised I was losing a friend. It's not just that I feel rejected, in truth I haven't been because he doesn't actually dislike me, he just doesn't see a romantic relationship type future, but the dynamic of the friendship has changed now and I feel like I've lost a really close friend and now we shall be just acquaintances. I find it difficult to meet people in real life that I can relate to and when I lose one of the kindred spirits because of the stupid romance element of life then that sends me into a spiral of existential crisis.

I am going to endeavour to keep the friendship, but I'm not sure how I can manage that emotionally. I will need to see how it goes.

I would hug you if I had arms.

Or maybe not because i hate hugs.

Thanks. That profile pic looks way more huggable than the last one though.