My older brother continues to outshine me

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Fireblossom
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16 Jun 2019, 12:38 am

Marknis wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I have a cousin who is younger than me but he's had girlfriends and he's been to Japan. He's currently a cop but he only just wants to shoot people legally. I am just glad he doesn't call or text me anymore.


Have you thought about going to Japan yourself? You know, not just as a dream but as a goal to work towards by saving money and learning the language a bit?


I have although the logistics aren't in my favor. I would need to make more than I currently make and learning the language has some barriers for me. The college in my area only teaches Spanish as far as non-English languages go; I learned some Spanish in elementary school but in high school, I was denied learning more of it because I was considered too "challenged" to learn anymore of it and a lot of people in my area, especially rednecks and overly patriotic mainstream Bible Belters, are actually hostile to the Spanish language. My older brother will mispronounce the words on purpose and he thought it originated in Mexico until I told him it's actually from Spain. :roll:

Another barrier to learning the Japanese language would be my history of failure with things I wish I was better at.


Do you make so little that you can't save money at all? If you can save some and start now then you might make it before you turn 40.

What about Japanese lessons in Austin? Or are you saying all they got there is Spanish? 8O
So you don't want to try because you've failed before? You can't get anything done without trying you know...


Admittedly, some of the things I do suck up my finances like a vacuum cleaner. I eat out a lot as well as comfort eat because my family doesn't always make food I can eat as well. I've really stocked up my comic book and manga collections for the last five years.

I know that UT (University of Texas) has courses in Japanese but none of the community colleges have any that I know of. I know for certain the local community college doesn't. I mostly made passing grades in school so I didn't qualify for university upon graduation but at the same time I've never had any concrete plans about going to any universities in my life. I would just hear someone say they wanted to go to UT but then someone else would say they wanted to go to AnM and yet another would say they were going to Baylor or Texas Tech and so on. Sometimes the discussions would get heated and hostility would ensue between the people having them. Myself, I was told I was going to go to Temple college (The one I've attended a few times but have not graduated from) and I didn't think beyond that except for hoping that becoming a musician or drawer was part of "God's plan" for me.


But maybe you could eat out less and just eat at home? If your family doesn't make food you can eat, just make some yourself. If you don't know how, learn. I'm sure there are people here who'd be willing and able to give some tips. Try to replace comfort eating with something else as well; it would be good for your health, too.

Is it possible to go to those courses or are they only for registered students? Are they too expensive? You could also start with learning words and the writing system on your own.



firemonkey
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16 Jun 2019, 3:29 pm

https://www.duolingo.com/course/ja/en/Learn-Japanese


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16 Jun 2019, 4:01 pm

So I know of three people that have gone to Japan without knowing a stitch of Japanese.

How they were able to do that and be fine is, two of them had a social connection. One had a friend that was living there that she stayed with and the other traveled there with her boyfriend to see his dad that lives there. The last one can't be copied because she's a millionaire XD money talks.

Learning some basics of the language would be good, but if you could find a way to befriend someone that lives there would be to the largest advantage. Most Japanese do know some (although maybe limited) English, though they like many other people aren't terribly fond of the tourist.

If this is something you actually want to pursue, you are going to have to make some sacrifices to rework how you use your money. Fireblossom, is right in that you would probably do well to try to eat at home by fixing yourself food there. You can make it so you're not eating junk that way too, it'd be much healthier than eating out.


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Marknis
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17 Jun 2019, 12:44 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I have a cousin who is younger than me but he's had girlfriends and he's been to Japan. He's currently a cop but he only just wants to shoot people legally. I am just glad he doesn't call or text me anymore.


Have you thought about going to Japan yourself? You know, not just as a dream but as a goal to work towards by saving money and learning the language a bit?


I have although the logistics aren't in my favor. I would need to make more than I currently make and learning the language has some barriers for me. The college in my area only teaches Spanish as far as non-English languages go; I learned some Spanish in elementary school but in high school, I was denied learning more of it because I was considered too "challenged" to learn anymore of it and a lot of people in my area, especially rednecks and overly patriotic mainstream Bible Belters, are actually hostile to the Spanish language. My older brother will mispronounce the words on purpose and he thought it originated in Mexico until I told him it's actually from Spain. :roll:

Another barrier to learning the Japanese language would be my history of failure with things I wish I was better at.


Do you make so little that you can't save money at all? If you can save some and start now then you might make it before you turn 40.

What about Japanese lessons in Austin? Or are you saying all they got there is Spanish? 8O
So you don't want to try because you've failed before? You can't get anything done without trying you know...


Admittedly, some of the things I do suck up my finances like a vacuum cleaner. I eat out a lot as well as comfort eat because my family doesn't always make food I can eat as well. I've really stocked up my comic book and manga collections for the last five years.

I know that UT (University of Texas) has courses in Japanese but none of the community colleges have any that I know of. I know for certain the local community college doesn't. I mostly made passing grades in school so I didn't qualify for university upon graduation but at the same time I've never had any concrete plans about going to any universities in my life. I would just hear someone say they wanted to go to UT but then someone else would say they wanted to go to AnM and yet another would say they were going to Baylor or Texas Tech and so on. Sometimes the discussions would get heated and hostility would ensue between the people having them. Myself, I was told I was going to go to Temple college (The one I've attended a few times but have not graduated from) and I didn't think beyond that except for hoping that becoming a musician or drawer was part of "God's plan" for me.


But maybe you could eat out less and just eat at home? If your family doesn't make food you can eat, just make some yourself. If you don't know how, learn. I'm sure there are people here who'd be willing and able to give some tips. Try to replace comfort eating with something else as well; it would be good for your health, too.

Is it possible to go to those courses or are they only for registered students? Are they too expensive? You could also start with learning words and the writing system on your own.


I believe they are only for registered students and they are definitely above my pay grade. Even paying for the local community college puts me in the red so an university course would be no different.

Despite being a graduate from UT and a former Austinite, my mother actually discouraged me from ever going there and moved away from Austin. Two more reasons for me to hate her.



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18 Jun 2019, 10:41 pm

To be honest, I don't think your brother really sounds like someone you should try to compare yourself to. Way too redneck.

For learning Japanese, though, I second the language app Duolingo. I'm using it to speak more fluent Spanish and it's helping me. It may not be college-level instruction, but if you're in a financial bind and are feeling down about acheivements, it seems like a good option.



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20 Jun 2019, 8:03 am

Without reading the entire thread, I can mention that my brother is a highly successful Engineer, mainly due to the fact he is NOT the stereotypical introvert: he is a master public speaker to make a long story short. Everything in life came easy to him and while he had women throwing themselves at him all through his 20s I didn't even go on my first date until 28 and have been looking for a decent job for 7 $*#@ years now with zero success.

Fast forward to today and I have no doubt even with my relatively low paying job he would probably change places with me in a heartbeat. I have a stable marriage (and her parents are almost like a second Mom and Dad), have a baby boy and while not rich have good finances due to being smart with money. He meanwhile is hopelessly addicted to drama, has slowly lost most of his friends (as they surpassed him in maturity and most have children). He is clearly very depressed and has recently wasted large amount of money. How sad that he is so poor the only thing he has is money?

One of the advantages I have over him is that I have faced numerous struggles in life while everything came easy to him. As a result, now that he is finally not the "life of the party" he is having a very difficult time coping. Who is outshining who?



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20 Jun 2019, 8:16 am

Welcome back, GHF!


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kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2019, 8:19 am

He shoots....he scores! :D

Congrats to the Raptors.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2019, 8:32 am

My brother has amassed millions of dollars through "being in the right place at the right time," so to speak. He was a commodities broker, and he had a "seat" on a commodities exchange. He sold it for probably close to 100 times the original cost of the seat.

Yes, he has "outshined" me. My mother is somewhat disappointed that I didn't go "farther" in life.

But...nevertheless...even though I have to get better in some ways, I still believe I'm a viable person. I only have maybe 30 more years to live, and I intend to enjoy those years as much as possible.



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20 Jun 2019, 8:43 am

My older brothers' illegal activities and subsequent legal battles made it practically impossible to have any friends during my teen years. They 'outshone' me by diverting my parents' attention away from the rest of us when we needed it the most. Now one of them is laying low in the wetlands of Alabama, Florida, and Georgia, while the other is retired and living on a fixed income. They were both 'favorites' of various family members, who thought that they were simply 'misunderstood'.

I had to leave my home state and put myself through university. Now I am the 'favorite', but only because some of my relatives finally remembered that there were more than just my two older brothers. They also realized that I am the only brother who has made something of himself.

Guess who they smile at and say, "Pretty please" whenever they want a handout?

Guess who doesn't give it to them and instead says, "Ask my brothers"?


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20 Jun 2019, 8:48 am

Marknis wrote:
My older brother is throwing an Oktoberfest at his brewery while I am suffering from loneliness this weekend. For my entire 30 years of existence, I have always been in my older brother's shadow. He always had friends over, more priveleges than I did, and girls threw themselves at him while I was pushed to the wayside. I wanted to prove him wrong that I was a failure and loser for not following the crowd like him but my efforts never succeeded. I am still a hurt and lonely child in my heart because of him.


Have you thought of talking with your brother about this? It's obvious that you are jealous of him and need to let him know this. I was really jealous of one of my younger sister for years because of some of the things you are talking about. It sounds like learning to appreciate who you are as a person and even if you are lonely, you could always try asking the guy in the mirror to be your friend and just be kind to him. Also, invite him to do things with you.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2019, 9:05 am

I know, from experience, that "older brothers" and "confiding in them" are quite mutually exclusive.

There are some good older brothers; but there are other older brothers who remain unrepentant a**holes until the day they die.

This older brother seems like the latter to me.



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21 Jun 2019, 11:26 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
Welcome back, GHF!


I wish you didn't post in my threads at all, especially since you've been giving me the proverbial middle finger lately.



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21 Jun 2019, 11:46 am

Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Welcome back, GHF!


I wish you didn't post in my threads at all, especially since you've been giving me the proverbial middle finger lately.


People are free to post in whatever threads they want to.


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21 Jun 2019, 12:27 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Marknis wrote:
My older brother is throwing an Oktoberfest at his brewery while I am suffering from loneliness this weekend. For my entire 30 years of existence, I have always been in my older brother's shadow. He always had friends over, more priveleges than I did, and girls threw themselves at him while I was pushed to the wayside. I wanted to prove him wrong that I was a failure and loser for not following the crowd like him but my efforts never succeeded. I am still a hurt and lonely child in my heart because of him.


Have you thought of talking with your brother about this? It's obvious that you are jealous of him and need to let him know this. I was really jealous of one of my younger sister for years because of some of the things you are talking about. It sounds like learning to appreciate who you are as a person and even if you are lonely, you could always try asking the guy in the mirror to be your friend and just be kind to him. Also, invite him to do things with you.


I don't think any good can come of telling someone that you harbour toxic feelings for them. That's why they call jealousy the green eyed monster, it's a bad kind of emotion that only poisons the one feeling it.



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21 Jun 2019, 1:01 pm

Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Welcome back, GHF!


I wish you didn't post in my threads at all, especially since you've been giving me the proverbial middle finger lately.


And why do you believe this?


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