No need to read. Stopid confession.

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I think i will never become 18 yr old. I will take my life and end it. This life is not worth living. My life is pathetic. I can't stand up for myself and i can't lead an independet life. I do love my parents and my friends but i can't live in this humiliated life and i can't live when they will take my computer. I do want to live but it is extremely hard to live in this not-understanding place. Whatever i tell them, they still think i can live like every normal person does. I shouldn't ever exist because i feel like the biggest looser in the world. No one can help me, even i can't..

i already have given up many things: i don't shower anymore - mutch easier to be a dirty rat. A rat - one of the nicknames i had at school, because my clotheing was weird. I don't even eat as much as i did months ago. I rarely clean my room and i don't want to tell anything to people who are close to me, because they never understand and one day they will see what they have done.
Stupid hard-working, selfish and ignorant world!!

skonamis, I've been there many times. I know how you feel (or at least how it feels to be so down).

Several years ago, when my older two children were toddlers (always a time when I am very depressed from lack of time alone and control), I was searching the 'net for information on suicide, and I came across a definition that really helped me. Far from being a "cry for help" or "dramatic move" or real death wish, the longing for suicide and suicide attempts are a search for a solution where there seems to be none.

Virtual hug.

In the past here, I know that some of my stories have been helpful for some people. I hope you have no objection to me telling one.

There was a young boy who never thought he could amount to anything. His family physician had told his family that he would sure die at a young age, and he was always very ill as it was. Never the less, the boy never gave up hope. He may have had nothing, but he always hung onto this hope, even when it was a sure thing that he was going to die of a slow and painful disease.

Because of his hope, this sickly child grew into a strong man.

That man was Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States of America.

There is always hope, never give it up

>>Hugs<<

Living well is the best revenge.

>>More hugs<<

I hope your parents don't think you'll be less autistic if they take things away from you that autistics like, hoping that if all you have are NT options, it'll force your mind to head in an NT direction.

It's really, really hard to be an ASD person. Suicidal feelings will well up often to some of us. I find the best way I handled my feelings was to talk to someone else who "got it." I am surprised at how many people don't understand that ASD suicidal feelings are different than someone who goes through a short clinical depression and then gets talked out of it and then everything is fine for the rest of their lives.

Talk about lack of empathy.

Skonamis, you're in high school. Hell, in other words. It will get better when you're away from there, away from the idiots in the halls and classrooms, away from your parents who treat you like a child and make you forget you're a man. Don't end your life, because you haven't begun it yet. Just hold on, then get out. It'll get better, I promise. Just hold on.

I am female actually

I reeeeally don't want to die but my humiliation and all other things make me do this. I really hope a bit that i survive this maddness.
And the worst of all i am going to fail school and everyone who believed that i will finish it and become a great computer specialist one day, are wrong. I will not become noboy, because i am scared of this world. I don't think i can even hold a job. I'd hate to see theyr faces when they are going to yell at me and tell me what a failure i am.

My apologies, young lady.

I felt very much the same at 17, honestly expecting to get no further than full time hours as a janitor at the supermarket I worked at. I ended up dropping out of high school, returning, dropping out again and then getting my GED. Is that an option for you? I still got accepted in a Florida 4 year state school (University of West Florida). If things get too bad, look into that.

I feel like this myself right now but I don't feel suicidal. Everyone in my household thinks I'm going to fly through my A levels go to university and get a top degree. I don't want to do this because I'm terrfied or the world that's out there. I don't want to work or learn (anymore). I'm sh*t scared of telling my parents any of this because they won't be happy to put it mildly,

If it makes you feel any better skonamis, I'm the same age as you in a very similar position (I'm actually just 1 day older than you lol).

Quote for truth

When I was in my teens, I tried to take my life twice. Both times I was found unconscious and was revived. I'm now 34 and on the other side of all that drama and I have to say, work through it. Really push yourself and come out on the other side because it's worth it. You have no idea what's in store for you. More hugs from me too.

Is there a reason why they take your computer? I have always hated when my mom take my things and when she took the computer away from me for three weeks, it drove me crazy and I fell into deep depression. I felt lost because I felt there was a huge hole in my life so I didn't talk to her and I ignored her and I paced more and acted more autistic without the computer. Did my mother give in? No because my disability was no excuse. But my dad did and told me to delete my history.


I also used to be afraid of I would never be able to work or live on my own, get married but my mom kept telling me yes I can. She never shot me down by telling me I couldn't do things. You just need to hope you can do things and try them and don't let your AS stop your from succeeding.

Just like me... I almost considered taking my life before the age of 18, now I just want it to happen from a disaster before I'm 24.

Your parents are idiots and possible murderers. Why don't you take something precious from them and hide it and say you won't give it back until they give you back your computer. Then make it so that they can't take the computer again. Nah, that won't work... you can't hide or lock up the computer... just use computers at libraries. It doesn't have all the stuff that's on your computer but if you just go out every day and stay out all day without their permission and come back and say you were using other people's computers and that you felt suicidal without any way of communicating with your friends on the internet or doing the other things you need to do on the computer, they might understand. If not, pretend to attempt suicide. Or consider running away if the situation allows you to get what you need while on the run. And if the situation permits, move out.

[/quote]Your parents are idiots and possible murderers. Why don't you take something precious from them and hide it and say you won't give it back until they give you back your computer. Then make it so that they can't take the computer again. Nah, that won't work... you can't hide or lock up the computer... just use computers at libraries. It doesn't have all the stuff that's on your computer but if you just go out every day and stay out all day without their permission and come back and say you were using other people's computers and that you felt suicidal without any way of communicating with your friends on the internet or doing the other things you need to do on the computer, they might understand. If not, pretend to attempt suicide. Or consider running away if the situation allows you to get what you need while on the run. And if the situation permits, move out.[quote]

Please don't follow that advice. It won't get you what you want, and it could possibly get you locked up. "Attempting" suicide is dangerous, manipulative and foolish.

Your parents are idiots and possible murderers. Why don't you take something precious from them and hide it and say you won't give it back until they give you back your computer. Then make it so that they can't take the computer again. Nah, that won't work... you can't hide or lock up the computer... just use computers at libraries. It doesn't have all the stuff that's on your computer but if you just go out every day and stay out all day without their permission and come back and say you were using other people's computers and that you felt suicidal without any way of communicating with your friends on the internet or doing the other things you need to do on the computer, they might understand. If not, pretend to attempt suicide. Or consider running away if the situation allows you to get what you need while on the run. And if the situation permits, move out.



And it's being a spoiled brat. I admit I was one when my mother took the computer from me for three weeks when I was 17. I wouldn't even speak to her and she didn't like what sites I was going to so I acted like I disowned her until I got my way. My therapist called it "manipulating" what I was doing. I look back and see I was like a three year old throwing a tantrum because I didn't get my way.

I get depressed too if my computer is taken away and i'd not know what to do with my day. Once when i was living with my grandparents they didn't allow me to use my computer for a month because they sayied it made me lazy. later when i was allowed to use my computer again and i did not wash dishes at time they switched off the whole house power. They really hate computers.
I see i made a little mistake in the text - It is not my parents who would take it away but my aunt and grandparents. They hate it when i am not like they want. My parents are disvorced and live separately on their own. But i have to live with my aunt because i am going to school here.