How long must I keep paying the price for being 'me'?

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The last few days have been horrible despite the preceding few months having been the best in a long time. However things still fall apart, every once in a while. I am unsure of many things, however I am sure of one thing. If I were like everyone else I wouldn't be so unhappy. If I felt the same things others feel, I would be better off. I'm paying the price for being 'me'.

I can't really explain, what it is to be me. Only that I have faced torment after torment as a result of it. People always tell me I'm good and kind and well intentioned. But what have I gained from it? Nothing, just more misfortune. I don't expect anyone to understand. I just have to say this to whoever is listening.

Call it intuition, call it what you like. But I do not feel confident about anything getting better for me. I just wish it was different. I just wish I could have had those things I so badly needed.

I'm no good. Especially to myself.

we dont know how others feel, maybe they feel the same as you but theres no way that we can know for sure.

thinking things like if only i was nt or had this or had that and everything would be so much better doesnt work, 1 because sometimes these things are impossible to get and thinking about it will only bring you down its a waste of time, and 2 once you have this you might get bored of it really fast or find out the grass isnt as green on the other side as you thought.

i_wanna_blue, if you could have everything be different, how would you have things?

Sadly should you be able to have things be different, problems and challenges will still be a part of your life. Because that IS life. Everyone's life.

And as much as you genuinely feel that nothing will change, I can promise you they will. For one reason: the only constant IS change. Change is the only constant. Many times I have said "I will never do this" or "I will never have that" or "Things will never be better" and I have always been proved wrong by life. And I have changed so much and learnt so much about myself to know that I can never accurately predict the rest of my life.

You have yet to discover the good in you. It is just hard to see through all the hassle and pain but it is there my friend because it's the CORE of who you are.

The things you so badly need... what are they?

*big hugs*
Rikki

A song for you:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxC8GhZ4j-s[/youtube]

Listen to the lyrics, which can be read here:
Lyrics

Hugs to you, my friend. Dark places can be lonely. You know it will pass so you have to wait it out and work through the introspective stages and the overthinking that it brings. But you will come out on the other side of it. I promise. If you need to unload, PM me. Always willing to listen. More hugs.

Thanks everyone for posting.

"The things you so badly need... what are they?"

Well audioeyes, you have to be me to understand what those things are. I rather not go into details, but I've been struggling to cope with the behaviours of certain people.