Never felt so alone

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I have been alone a fair bit before and since the breakup of my mariage nearly 2 years ago, I just can't handle being alone anymore especially at night time. I have 50% shared custody of my 2 kids, my son is autistic, I work 3 days a week. I am diagnosed AS, I find it absolutely exhausting to keep up with life. When I get home from work and my kids are not with me I just need someone with me to have a coffee and a chat with, someone who understands. When I get home and my kids are with me I am usually exhausted and therefore I get grumpy and I hate the world and why it makes me feel this way. I also hate my self for being grumpy when the kids are around. I would rather not feel that way around the kids, but I can't help it.

I find myself searching for a female companion who I can share my life with and perhaps help a little to ease the pressures, is that wrong or right, I have no Idea. I have recently met someone who I love very much and she loves me too. Then things get real messed up, she has been sent to jail 300kms away from me for a month. She hasn't murdered, bashed, or hurt anyone. She has been jailed for recieving extra money from social welfare and its all a total crock, she is actually innocent, but because its the government its considered fraud against them. You can believe in her innocence or not, thats up to you. Thats where my real dillema is. Friends I thought I could trust wont believe me, I can't tell my mother because she is too frail. My girlfriend has had a lot of contact with my kids and I can't tell the kids the truth either. My kids think she is great, I told them she went on a holiday for a while.

A lot of people on this forum are probably saying "whats your problem, at least you have a girlfriend who loves you and she's only in jail for a month". I guess I am lucky to have met her, my point is that I just need to talk about things with someone without having them judge my girlfriend as innocent or guilty. I miss her like crazy, I am anxious and stressed out, my heart is aching. I don't have anyone else I can talk to about the situation. My biggest fear is that she will lose interest in me while she is in jail and she wont want to spend time with me when she gets out and I can only contact her by writing. I am becoming quite depressed and nervous. I feel that if I loose her I will be lonelier than ever before and I might not make it through, meaning mentally and emotionally, if that were to happen after waiting for a month to see her again.

Any kind of constructive feedback would be welcome on this subject.

Soul mate absent topic

In Canada, people can visit friends who are incarcerated, and sent/receive letters.

You have to be careful on social assistance, as i was told you can be punished for the tiniest infraction. This hurts when it affects someone you care deeply about.

If she cares about you as much as you do her, then she will be missing you deeply as well.

Best wishes in your relationship, and I hope someone else, preferably in Australia, has local advice.

Thanks heaps for your reply, I know that I can go and visit her, its just that it is very far away and I can only book a visit on weekends, so it will be difficult, but I might be able to see her once while she is there.

Hi Aussieaspie, I am from Australia too. Often I get depressed because I haven't had a wife or children but it reminds me that it's not always happy. I am currently on the DSP and in theory I work one day a week but I often can't even do that. Sometimes if I forget to report my income (or more accurately I am too depressed to get dressed drive to centrelink) they just send me a letter saying "Cancellation of your DSP", no warning, not even a phone call. I am also searching for someone, or "searching" isn't the right word since I am not making much effort. Often I realise it would not be good for the other person to be around someone that is sulking and negative and I don't want to drag her down with me. But other times I am very alone. You should not hate your self for being sad because it is not your fault. How long since you were diagnosed? Before I was diagnosed my mum and I were convinced I was just an exceptionally bad person. Since I was diagnosed our relationships gotten better. My mum who I live with is also frail but she still takes care of little things that without them I would not be able to take care of myself. But when she is no longer able., which will be soon, I will be like you, only with no kids, and not sufficient income to live alone. I have similar problems due to Aspergers I write in another thread. You can talk to me if you want

Thanks mosto,
Because I only work 3 days a week, I have to report my income as well and Aspergers makes that a pain in the butt to handle all the paperwork and get it right. So I might be the next one to go to prison. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago and now I'm 39.

Thing about being grumpy is a little help goes a long way to alleviating the stress.

My Dad passed away a last April, and mum is in her 70's

Apart from your income you get full DSP right? So you only got diagnosed 3 years ago. That's good because it takes ages to recognise when something you're doing is because of Aspergers, and people to get used to you. Do you talk to anyone except your kids? Who else have you told you have Aspergers? I have been in psychiatric hospital a few times. My dad lives but I don't want to see him ever again. My mum and I get on better since I was diagnosed but often we realise I will struggle in life. Where in oz are you, I'm in NSW

I do not get a DSP at all, I applied twice before but got rejected, I'm on newstart. I realised I had AS when my son was diagnosed Autistic and I always knew I was different. I hardly talk to anyone else, I don't even socialise with work people. I have a brother and sister I hardly talk to them, they know I have AS and so does my X wife and about 3 or 4 other people. I used to see a psych and take Effexor but I don't do either of those anymore cos they made me feel worse. I live in Adelaide S.A

You should be able to get full DSP if you have Aspergers, I am lucky that my mum also qualifies as my carer, so for filling out forms and that she receives the letters, with centrelink you can have the option of allowing a designated person to help with the forms, if you don't have a family member ask Centrelink for a social worker, there are people employed by them to do this sort of thing, I have a friend who is very eccentric, have no idea what his diagnosis is, but he didn't have to do much to get his DSP. I also don't think medication is much good, although you should always obey the doctor, I take several medications but don't think they do anything whatsoever, but I keep taking them because they stress that it is important. My bank recently introduced a fee to pay off my credit card by phone (ridiculous isn't it, they charge for me to pay them money, they just want to keep us in debt and pay high interest) and the people at the bank's call centre were so unhelpful and uncaring, but I guess that is what life is like, having Aspergers, no one cares, no one makes allowance for the fact it's heaps hard for us to do everyday things. If you get in contact with lifeline or so they can put you in contact with social workers who can help with little things, would help with your kids, I don't have anyone dependant on me it allows me to be lazy

My Mum wouldn't do as much for me, for one thing she never wants to look after my kids. Maybe that has something o do with my sons Autism as well as my aspergers. I've read that theme a bit in other discussions lately too, with someones parents keeping there distance from them. I think you are lucky to have a Mum who cares so much.

I agree with much of your comments on society, keeping us in debt to keep us running the system. It is incredibly hard for any NT person to get by in todays world and when you add Aspergers or Autism, that just makes things doubly harder on us.

I have thought of lifeline a few times, I guess I'm a little scared to call for help. I think I keep my pressures on the inside too much, find it hard to be social when talking about how bad I am doing, not coping. So I tend to withdraw and not say anything.